I cant do this anymore, I dont want my baby

[Sobbingat3am]

Name changed for obvious reasons. I'm in such a dark place at the moment. My husband has taken the baby to try and settle him for what seems like the 100th time tonight. We've been up since 1am. We haven't slept properly since the baby was born 5 months ago. Hes never been one to sleep continuously well. We had the 4 month sleep regression. It was hell and nearly broke me. A couple of weeks of better sleep and now here we are again. Waking every few minutes. Worse than the regression. We pick him up, he falls asleep. We put him down he's awake again, scratching the sides of the next me and banging his legs. He's been breastfed, he's not wet, we've given him calpol, Ibuprofen and teething powder.
Im broken. I hate my life. I don't want my baby. It wasnt like this before. I'm so sleep deprived I cant cope anymore. 😔

Look into sleep training.

Sleep deprivation was used as torture by some nations. It's soul destroying. I'm old enough to remember weaning our 3 at 12 weeks. A little baby porridge near bedtime might help. Some babies need something a bit more substantial than milk, particularly if they are going through a growth spurt. Having said that, it only worked for 2 of our babies. 1 was a dreadful sleeper and nothing much helped.

I haven’t read all the responses. But I want to tell you that this is more “normal” than you think. Newborns can be overwhelming, and you’re recovering from pregnancy and birth, trying to feed, adapt and cope, usually on your own. Lack of sleep is torture, literally. I remember not feeling even a moment of joy or happiness for many weeks, I also had post natal depression which I didn’t know about and didn’t know who or how to ask about. My first child settled around the 3 month mark and I started to feel happier as he got older. I loved the toddler years! My second child (I almost didn’t have another because it was so horrible with my first) came 7 years later and it was worse! He never settled, never slept, he was a miserable baby and I was miserable.
But it changed. Time passed. You will get through this and survive it. Reassure yourself that it’s not you, it’s really hard with a baby. Get checked for depression, get help, find solace and support with other new mums and try to focus on 6 months time when I promise it gets easier. It’s ok to feel like this but don’t be alone with it.

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Yes I would absolutely try in his own room at this age. Get a nice mobile that they can look at too. At least if he does wake up but doesn’t cry it might not disturb you in your room and you get a bit of a longer stretch of sleep.

I think there is often the incorrect assumption that sleep training is always a harsh approach e.g. letting them cry it out. I believe that babies just understand they’re uncomfortable and don’t know what they want. The parent is the one who needs to identify if it’s sleep, comfort or hunger they want and be on the front foot so it doesn’t get to the point where the baby cries.

So I think that a big part of sleep training is coming up with a strategy to make sure they’re tired enough (adequate spacing from last nap to bedtime), hungry enough (spacing last feed enough before bedtime feed). Also making sure they have something for comfort (like the muslin), something to look at (mobile) and a quiet, dark and warm room for sleeping. Actually I really recommend sleep sacks if you’re not already using them.

I personally don’t think letting the baby lead the way is sustainable. I’m a control freak and take an analytical approach to everything so maybe that’s why this has been my approach. I definitely take my hat off to those who continue to have sleepless nights for months/years but it wasn’t for us.

Oh love,
No words of advice but just wanted to send some solidarity. My twins are 10 months and hellish atm. I broke down this morning and am right there with you (and we are on holiday at the minute - meant to be relaxing!).
We will get through this and you will sleep again ♥️

Swaddle him tightly and put him in his own room.

Once he's been fed and changed, turn out the lights and leave him. Wait fifteen minutes by the clock. Ignore him if he's fussing. He'll gradually fall asleep.

I used a white noise machine with water sounds which seems to settle my daughter really well. We had a 4 month regression that lasted a month and consisted of staying awake for 2-4 hours at night, the only way I survived it was sleeping on that first nap of the day with her. It is so hard when your baby doesn't sleep but you can do this and it will be a distant memory at one point, surviving but not thriving is okay cos it is bloody hard work being a mum !❤

On the tongue tie - midwives and nurses don’t always have robust training in identifying tongue tie - it is an extra training. So could be worth finding a registered tongue tie practitioner who has had the training to check for it. https://www.tongue-tie.org.uk/find-a-practitioner

I was told my daughter didn’t have one by midwives in the hospital. Her tongue literally didn’t move in her mouth! We had endless feeding and sleep problems as she was so windy. I took her to a private paeds consultant who diagnosed her in 30 seconds and snipped the tie the same day.

Put baby in own room and do some sleep training. Sleep training doesnt have to be horrible and cio but it's a skill baby needs to learn and better to do it earlier, it only gets harder once baby is older, mobile and more aware. Lots of gentle sleep training methods about.
Baby is also likely at the stage they need some solids as milk isnt keeping him full as long.

We went through this too and once I did these things it was honestly a different baby within a week or two and will be doing the same with my 2nd.

Sorry if this has been suggested - are you still swaddling or using a baby bag for example? Sounds like the baby just wants to be close and held.

Yeah it seriously sucks, but it is normal to a lot of babies and they do grow out of it. If it helps my first was like this and is now a brilliant sleeper, eats almost anything we put in front of him and is a great kid.

Big hugs. Its so hard right now but it does get better.

@Sobbingat3am it’s bloody hard and I know how you feel.

My daughter used to wake every 30 mins unless she was on one of us.

I couldn’t take it anymore, having to function on zero sleep.

We decided to take turns to go to sleep, so I’d go first and get a chunk of uninterrupted sleep and would then swap with my husband.

The first few months/years are hard, she’s 4 now and still wakes up once, but I can handle that xx

Completely agree with this
This has just happened to us twice.
midwife told us he doesn’t have a tie. My son is 12 days old. I suspected it and was able to see a posterior one (I’m quite knowledgeable as my others had ties) took him to a proper feeding consultant. Yep he’s tied. And we are now waiting on an emergency appointment as we are having issues and he has no tongue movement.

our doctor with one of my others was sure he had reflux. Nope turned out he had a tie and when he finally had it sorted at 6m all our feeding issues went away and he became a lot more settled.

If his rolling and moving around. Then dont give him a muslin

This sounds awful. You really are in the thick of it. It feels like it will never end in the moment. But this too shall pass.

My son was very unsettled and gassy too, particularly afternooons and the first half of the night. It turned out that he had a milk (and soy) allergy. Once I cut those out of my diet, things improved dramatically.

I'd cut out milk in case it's an allergy issue and speak to a sleep consultant - there are some lovely ones out there who use gentle sleep methods i.e. no cry it out or sleep training - try secondstartotheright and foxandthemoonsleep on Instagram.
If you get the right support, it will feel 100x easier. Also, make sure too much say sleep isn't the issue - what are his nap patterns?

It's a rough day. I tried him in his next to me for a nap and he woke up after 40 mins. So his next nap I felt determined to try him in his big cot, lay him down awake and shush pat. It didnt work, he just kept crying over and over. He's now missed the nap and is grumpy. What do I do now? He's never missed a nap 😢 I've finally sat down with my lunch and feeling rubbish and defeated. I dont know what to do or where to go from here.

What are his wake windows? He might be a little under tired hence the short naps and over night wakings?

If he’ll sleep on you, let him do that. If they get overtired it gets harder for them to sleep / stay asleep I found, so let him catch up a bit. If you can, try not putting him down and hold him for a nap, watch TV or read or whatever. It will get easier.

Also, the nap isn't missed, there is still time in the day, maybe go out for a walk with him in the buggy and see if he drops off?

What would symptoms of an allergy be? He's been looked over and I've mentioned it in the past to the gp when he would posset a lot, but they were sure he was okay.
He has about 3h 45m ish of daytime sleep over 3 naps. Wake windows over 2h.

Take him for a walk of possible if you have a sling then in that and should get him to sleep.

It definitely sounds like he's struggling on linking his sleep cycles (40-60 mins) which is common.

You need to put him down awake and let him fall asleep. Giving him a comforter which you wear down your top for a day for scent transfer or muslin done the same can help.

You can gently sleep train the stay and support method is this.

Annnddd little magic trick - try playing him 'misty mountains cold' from The Hobbit on a loop - you can find it on you tube, its a miracle song for putting a baby to sleep!

I cant hold him for a whole nap anymore. He's too big for me, I'm quite small. We used to contact nap, but he was waking up everytime I sat down. So we moved him into the next to me for naps, which he usually does well with. I cant take him out in the pushchair, its absolutely pouring it down with rain.

It can vary but excema, gas discomfort, reflux, mucusy stool - honestly, I've just taken my 2.5 year old to the gp and I know she has a milk allergy, but they were clueless - I would cut it out and see what happens.

Edit to add - 2 hours seems quite short from what I remember, but it's been a while - I used Huckleberry to keep me sane - it was quite helpful but also a bit addictive