I cant do this anymore, I dont want my baby

[Sobbingat3am]

Name changed for obvious reasons. I'm in such a dark place at the moment. My husband has taken the baby to try and settle him for what seems like the 100th time tonight. We've been up since 1am. We haven't slept properly since the baby was born 5 months ago. Hes never been one to sleep continuously well. We had the 4 month sleep regression. It was hell and nearly broke me. A couple of weeks of better sleep and now here we are again. Waking every few minutes. Worse than the regression. We pick him up, he falls asleep. We put him down he's awake again, scratching the sides of the next me and banging his legs. He's been breastfed, he's not wet, we've given him calpol, Ibuprofen and teething powder.
Im broken. I hate my life. I don't want my baby. It wasnt like this before. I'm so sleep deprived I cant cope anymore. 😔

He doesn't sleep in the carrier either, never has done. He got really good at linking his sleep cycles a couple of weeks ago. Sleeping several hours in a row at bedtime. I dont know why its suddenly changed? Yes I really want to try putting him down awake, but he's not coping well with it. He's just spent most of an hour crying in his cot. 😔

Sorry for spamming your thread, but trying to help - at this age I would sometimes get baby down for her last, trickiest nap of the day in a carrier on my front, bouncing on an exercise ball - lived in the Middle East and going outside wasn't an option
She also needed a dark room at this age as she was so much more interested in the world and struggled to settle.

@Higgledypiggledy864 Yes i use Huckleberry too. With the sleep deprivation I need the helping hand it gives! Just checked, his wake windows average around 2h 20m.

You might want to start stretching it a bit - I stressed for ages over making sure the wake windows were perfect, to the point I was trying to get an under tired baby to sleep, which just doesn't work..

Also, I could def be teething if his front two are down, they typically impact for about 10 days

...and... If he's ever slept more than 40 minutes, he can link sleep cycles so there's something else going on

He's had a grand total of 49mins sleep today so far 🤦🏻‍♀️😓

I was exactly where you are only few months ago. Scratching the bed and slamming legs down on the mattress are actually self settling behaviours, it means the baby wants to sleep but can't because they're already too tired/overstimulated which can be the case a lot around 4 months because of all the great developmental changes they are experiencing.

Since you breastfeed I would suggest to safely cosleep for a bit and once you are ready to do so, look into sleep training. I coslept with my baby from 3 to 6 months and then gradually sleep trained her for nights and she now goes at least 7 hours without interruption before she wakes up to feed and go back to bed. She's 8 months now. You don't have to sleep train, others continue cosleeping until much later.

As lots of other posters said, this will absolutely pass. Sleep is probably the No1 source of stress at this stage. Good luck!

Do you have work in the morning?

Can you just sleep when your baby sleeps?

This is what I did.

Great advice on here so nothing to add on that front, but just wanted to say you are a great mum, so caring, intelligent and sensible. You will get through this my love. Take care of yourself.

Do you use a dummy?

Is it the top two that take a while to appear?

Babies just want to be held. Try co-sleeping. It’s nature’s way.

So sorry you're having a tough time of it, I'm Mum to two bad sleepers, although my 10 year old is great now, but my 3 year old isn't the best. We had a tricky time with her as a baby, she had silent reflux and also a milk allergy, gaviscon helped and we slightly raised the next to me crib at one end so she wasn't laying flat. I know it's shit and tough right now, but usually it does get better, with the bottle it's one of those things you just have to keep trying If thats what you want to do, different bottles, different people trying it, different positions etc, I wasted a lot of milk with DD1 and trying to get her onto the bottle, but one day it just clicked. From around 6/7 months I think you can start to use sleep training methods, we chose the pick up put down as I preferred that to cry it out, it was totally rubbish for the first week and each night took a good few hours but it did improve quite quickly after that. The difference for us was that she would then self settle in the evenings, she still woke up, but we didn't have to resettle her every time as she'd have a bit of a whinge and go back off. Every baby is different, worth speaking to your health visitor for advice too, ours were quite good with advice.

Take a break from trying - do something different for 30 mins and try again the normal way in his next to me - what will happen, happens - you can't control when he sleeps, you can only give him the opportunity in the right environment
And if it's within recommendations for his age, give a little calpol in case it's teeth..

Also in the evenings if he's not being fed, maybe go to bed for a few hours and leave him with DH whilst you get some sleep and then take over later on

For mine, the top two just popped out to our surprise, every set after that were a nightmare! Also, the teeth move around in the gums before they move down which I would imagine very uncomfortable..

@BeSnugEagle Thank you, your comment made me tear up

It was a while ago now but my third was an absolute nightmare! The only way he would sleep was in a car! Or at night in one of those swing chairs….. He just had to be kept moving

Breastfeed him to sleep on the sofa and contact nap - he isn’t too big for you to do this 😊 - then he won’t wake when you sit down as you’re already sitting and won’t move!

Try the co-sleeping again. It really is revolutionary when you get the hang of it.

He is five months old. He doesn’t want to be alone when he sleeps. It’s not safe for him to go into his own room. It will get better. ❤️‍🩹

Another one to advocate formula at night, my DDs would have a bottle at about 11 and they usually slept until 5.30/6. Give it a try and don't listen to anyone else its your baby, your decision. Good luck!

I've just tried feeding him again and he's fallen asleep absolutely exhausted and whimpering 😓 I feel awful. I shouldn't have tried him in his big cot today, I just dont know when. My husband is self employed and has popped home to help as he got rained off at work. He's trying to get baby into the next to me, but he's so overtired, Im worried its not going to go well. I feel awful. My poor baby. 😓

Absolutely. ‘Sleep training’ was invented essentially as a money spinner. (As was the very Western idea of putting tiny babies in their own room at six months.) The whole industry is disgusting and people who prey on vulnerable, tired mothers to extract their money should be ashamed of themselves.

I really would stop trying to transfer him into the crib. He’s telling you he doesn’t want to sleep in there. Can you lie down on your bed in the c-curl and have him with you? I bet you’d both be asleep in minutes! ❤️

You have my sympathies. My second was like this. Things that helped him link his sleep cycles was to rouse him at about 30/35 mins with a little rub of the back and that bought him out of deep sleep and he seemed to link his cycles better. Also co sleeping on my own with him, husband stayed in spare room. During the day I literally wore him all day. At night we also used a white noise machine. It did gradually get better. I went to my parents and slept there on my own for 1 or 2 nights when I was really bad. Husband just did his best and actually he slept a lot better when I wasn't there! Bloody typical.

I know how hard it is, my little one didn't sleep well at night until they were closer to 18 months and even now is waking 3-4 times a night at 2 years.

For me the only way I got through it was to go with the flow with baby. All sleep has been baby led. Didn't follow wake windows, didn't track naps or sleep, didn't read anything by sleep experts, just followed what baby wanted.

We coslept, contact napped, and the biggest impact was I used to go to bed at 6pm with baby and get as much sleep as I could between than and 8am around each night waking. Across those 14 hours I could usually accumulate at least 8 hours of total sleep.

I also didn't have any caffeine or sugar (bonus I lost 20kg) to help with sleep.

It feels like forever at the time when you're sleep deprived and struggling, but looking back (even though it was really only a short time ago still) it is a distant memory. I really didn't believe people when they said "this too will pass" but it really did.

I also had PND and needed antidepressants. I didn't bond at all with my little one until they were around 14 months, when I finally was able to say I love you to them. So completely get the not wanting them. I wanted to send them back so much for all those months. If you continue to struggle, I really recommend reaching out to the perinatal team and your GP. Mine were an amazing help.