4 year old learning phonics and reading

[Tiredmumtoboy]

The school my son is in has sent him home with a book for him to read to us along with a book for us to track reading. They want us to get him to read 4 times a week and will track this with the reading report book.

I can't get my son to even sound any letters out. I say them and ask him to repeat and I get I don't know and it's to hard and I don't remember. He tuts and huffs at me when I ask him to try.

How the hell can I expect him to read to me if I can't even get him to sound letters out. He's a June baby and this school were also expecting our kids to be able to write their own names before they even started school.

I feel like this is all to much for him but also to much for me (As a dyslexic) I don't feel able to teach him to read or spell.

What do I do because I'm pretty stressed.

Speak to the teacher and see what they advise. The school my kids go to hold an information session to give parents tips and to inform them how phonics is taught in school. Things like pointing at letters around you not just in books can help build familiarity without the pressure of a book.

Mum of four here and none of my children have been sent home reading books until they were confidently sounding letters and words out independently. I would ask to speak to your child’s teacher and explain that he isn’t ready for reading books yet and that you’re focusing on teaching him his letters first. You don’t want to damage his confidence or push him too far so that he resents it.

He won’t be able to sound out the letters until he’s been taught the letter sounds, which 1 week into the new school year will not have happened!

Definitely ask the school for some support .

My dc is younger than yours but these are things we’re trying to do.

Point out his name inside one part of his uniform, read it then ask him to read the name inside another item of clothing. Hoping this will help him associate the spelling of his name with the letters in the words and the sound that goes with them.

We have a pairs game with the words written on and sometimes ‘silly mummy’ will read it incorrectly (ganana instead of banana) then when he corrects me I point to the letter h and say “oh, is that a b? Silly me, banana” etc.

Are there any books he particularly likes? Even if he memorises some of the story, if you read it together he will hopefully start making the connections (re H is at the start of Hungry so when you see a H is makes a h sound for the Hungry Caterpillar).

My ds also has a slight speech delay and at a session with the speech and language therapist she suggested for anything they find hard, to make it seem like they’re helping you. The idea is that if you can’t say or read the word, they can try to help you without any pressure on them and it avoids making them feel silly or knocking their confidence so I would maybe try reading his school book together but getting stuck on a few simple words and see if he can help you work them out.

No reading books until October HT at the earliest here. Do speak to the teacher but an idea might be to read it him, encourage him to describe what he can see in the pictures and then talk about the story afterwards. Basically focusing on comprehension rather than the phonics for now.

My ds knew the letter N when he started Reception. Now he’s reading at his expected standard.

A good school will assume no skills - your school is being unreasonable. My son was taught phonics very effectively and we got little books with basic words in once he had mastered the basic sounds. This books very slowly became more difficult and then in Year 1 he was on the Reading scheme and has been continuing to build his skills in his phonics “set” at school (two classes split into 4 sets based on their skill level).

Has your school had a curriculum meeting with new parents to explain how they teach reading, writing and maths? This is best practice and saves them explaining it to 30 stressed out parents separately.

If not, then go in and ask the teacher for a meeting to discuss it.

My kids go to a pushy school. In school nursery they are expected to write their name daily and phonics teaching started on the second week of nursery with a new sound every day. My year one child has her first spelling test this week! Children in this school as an average have a read age of 12 years old by aged 9. But even they didn’t send reading books in reception for another few weeks and the first stage books don’t have any words in.

Your school is crazy!

My school also used phonics Read write inc scheme.
can you find out what phonics program your school is using? There are probably supporting videos on YouTube

Agree that the first books shouldn't have words so this seems very unusual.

Anyway, just ignore it. Read books to your child, don't push them reading to you until they're comfortable with it.

Just read to him.
Reading together is more relaxed and he will gradually start to understand how the letters make the words.
Watch the Alphablocks on Cbeebies (or BBC iPlayer) together. They possibly might even watch that at school.

Surely most parents have done that at home before DC start school?

Why?
That's what Reception year is for.

Some children (my second DC) won’t try something they think they aren’t good at / don’t know how to do yet. I think that’s the bigger issue than whether he can or can’t sound letters out at age 4. This is a chance to try to teach him early in his school life that if he gives it his best shot, he will be praised for giving it a go, and no one will laugh at him or get cross with him when he makes mistakes. Personally I’d start really simply with getting him to repeat after you sounding out the letters, or recognising key works (Biff, Chip and Kipper leap to mind!), and maybe offer a reward for doing it, eg once you’ve done this we can play your favourite game, or then I’ll read you your favourite story, or you can have ten minutes of TV, or a sticker chart if that’s his thing.

I'm always pretty baffled by the way schools go on and on about phonics.

My daughter's 7 and tbh I don't really know how she learned to read. We'd always read to her every night from when she was a baby. She started school at 4 (we're in NI) and she started reading little books and bingo she could read.

It is early to expect the children to read books at home, but reading or story telling together is good. Can you still get books with a narrated CD? These are good to listen to and follow the pictures. But just support the letter sounds they are learning at school. They are all different and at just 4 he is still really young to be reading and hopefully it will all click into place in the next couple of years.

Just look at the book with him. You do all the talking if he’s huffing and puffing.

Mmmmm, look at that cake, reminds me of the one grandma had when she was seventy.
Where do you think that dog is running off to? Yes, maybe the park. Good thinking. What was the dogs name again? I’ve forgotten .

Just read the books to him and write in the log that’s what you did. There is no expectation of him being able to read before starting school. I’m pretty sure that for the first half term at least all we got were the picture books where you make up your own story. But it’s possible they simply don’t have these (can’t afford them), so they’re sending you what they have. Just read together and send back in.

That’s a very strange way of looking at things. I can’t imagine abdicating all educational responsibilities to a school.

Some children will be interested and will learn earlier (mine could read at 3 😁) some won't.
That's why Reception exists. To be ready for "proper" school ie Year 1.
It's nice if children have learned some things before Reception but it's not expected.

Read the books to him.
Ask to see the teacher to discuss what they really expect.

It used to be expected though. When I started teaching in 1997 I remember the nursery teacher coming in to the staff room and being surprised that a child had started and he didn’t know any colours or nursery rhymes. Now that is completely the norm.

Nearly all children knew how to recite numbers and the alphabet etc.

I hope that it goes without saying that I already know that not all children are neurotypical.

Even if he doesn't know them by sight, he should be able to copy your sound unless he has a speech delay so I wonder if your anxiety is transmitting to him and making him more resistant to doing it? I'd speak to school and see how competent he is there.

He doesn't need to know them, he just needs to look at it when you point and repeat after you. Pick one of two letters and just do them in different words. Rea to him at bed time simple books where you can trace the words with your finger and he can see how those letters make longer sounds.

He has plenty of time, don't think they're expecting him to read fluently just cos others might

Possibly because school were doing lots of phonics work at school perhaps?

My understanding is that schools don’t want you to teach the letter sounds unless you know how to teach phonics, otherwise you risk confusing the child. We didn’t teach DD any phonics as neither us had sufficient knowledge of the system. It didn’t cause any problems, and she’s had a 17+ reading age since the end of primary. What we did do was read to her each night until she was 11 and we support the school in the ways they asked.

Write some letters on cards. Put a sweet on each card. Give him 6 letters at a time. When he guesses one right, he gets to eat the sweet.

Bribery works. My DC is dyslexic. He'd do quite a lot for contraband/sweets!