4 year old learning phonics and reading

[Tiredmumtoboy]

The school my son is in has sent him home with a book for him to read to us along with a book for us to track reading. They want us to get him to read 4 times a week and will track this with the reading report book.

I can't get my son to even sound any letters out. I say them and ask him to repeat and I get I don't know and it's to hard and I don't remember. He tuts and huffs at me when I ask him to try.

How the hell can I expect him to read to me if I can't even get him to sound letters out. He's a June baby and this school were also expecting our kids to be able to write their own names before they even started school.

I feel like this is all to much for him but also to much for me (As a dyslexic) I don't feel able to teach him to read or spell.

What do I do because I'm pretty stressed.

I’m not sure a child learning “D” for daddy or “E” for elephant constitutes hot housing.

Do you never talk to your children?

Hi, I am a phonics and reading tutor and teacher of 25 years. I’m happy to offer advice. Please don’t worry if your child started school last week, this is too soon to expect them to read, they won’t have learnt sounds yet.

Phonics doesnt have to be boring! My advice would be ignore the books and make it fun. What does he like?

For my eldest id write letters on paper and spread them around the room and shout them and he had to run to the right one.

Or put a big piece of paper on the back of the door with sounds on and he has to shoot with a nerf gun the sound you say.

Build up to words as you. Try not to stress and don't force something he doesnt want to do.

As others say alphablocks is great. I think its quite daunting for them so anything to pique his engagement will help.

The problem is many parents will say "D for Daddy" pronouncing the D as "Dee".
Which isn't phonics.

Sound like you need some lessons to help you.

Many schools do have a session for parents to help them understand phonics scheme

I expect the school will do some parent sessions.
But it's like the second week of term. In some schools they're possibly still doing the (ridiculous) half day "settling in" days.
The OP sounds like she is doing fine so far. Reads regularly with her child and is clearly keen to get her child to do the "homework".
But he is 4.
@Tiredmumtoboy don't put any pressure on yourself or your little boy.
Just keep reading and looking at books with him. That's the best thing at this age.
Don't think you are letting him down or anything - half the children in the class probably won't even have the reading book taken out of their bag.
🙂

We are still doing the half day settle sessions and tbh my son is more than ready to do a whole day. He was at pre-school

I'm happy reading to him and what I've done is pick out some books he likes that are bassic have maybe max 2 lines on a page and I'm using them instead of the school books.

I can do phonics to a reasonable degree, I brought a poster for him before he started school. I'm not sure why people are insisting I need lessons. I'm not dumb just dyslexic.

@Tiredmumtoboy the sessions for parents regarding phonics are not aimed at 'dumb' parents, they are for all parents as each school has their own way of teaching it.

Ive got 3 children so now well experienced with starting school and phonics. One of my sons was older in the year and completing not interested in sounds or reading either. I spoke to the teacher and she said just read the school book to him as his bedtime story, so we did and gradually over time he was picking up more and more at school and starting pointing out sounds and words. It took time though and he is perfectly good at reading now. He’s just started so please don’t stress! At this age play and relaxation after school is more important so keep doing what you are doing!

Did he go to preschool or nursery? A lot of children will start school recognising at least some letters and sounds and its not unusual to be able to write your own name at 4 (even if its very big and untidy).

Read the books with him. Model sounding out the words, even just get him to recognise one sound on a page. Start with "s, a, t, n, i, p" sounds as these are usually early ones taught in school. Play jolly phonics songs in the car, play eye spy to practise hearing sounds at the start of words.

what I've done is pick out some books he likes that are bassic have maybe max 2 lines on a page and I'm using them instead of the school books.

Use the school ones. They will be deliberately designed to include words with the first few sounds taught and to not have words that aren't easily decodable. They are deliberately designed to facilitate him learning the phonic sounds.

Op get a pack of choc buttons. Put them inside a lidded plastic box.

Write a letter on the top in dry wipe pen.he sounds it out (or even tries) he gets a button.

Repeat.

Pocket phonics app on the ipad.

Watch alphablocks on tv. Just introduce it via play and silly games.

If you want to spend some money there are lots of phonics-friendly early books around. There is a set by Julia Donaldson of Gruffalo fame which are called Songbirds. I haven't personally used them but I'm thinking pretty much anything by her won't be dull. When you are ready for your son to start actually reading to you, that is.

OP, it sounds like you are doing the right things and everything my daughter's teacher suddested in reception. Dd was given picture books until October half term, she had to find things in the pictures and talk about what was going on, mainly so she was engaging in the books. I then read to her, and that's important because the main thing is that they enjoy engaging in books and using their imaginations.

Nurseries that are not attached to primaries don't tend to teach phonics. The reason is that the kids will go to different primaries and there are different phonics programs, so they don't want to confuse the little ones by showing them a different method.

Your child has been at school for a week, it is far too soon for him to know his phonics already. We were encouraged to point to the word we were reading so DD could start to link the written and sound of words.

Do you have any meet the teacher evenings coming up where you can talk to the teacher? Ask what intervention they put into place for summer born babies?

I’m a qualified teacher but secondary so I did one hour lecture a decade ago on phonics and then it was lockdown and I did not have a clue what do. We survived on a mixture of youtube videos for me to lewrn from and alphablocks was so useful for me to learn the sounds.

First talk to the teacher & let her know he is a June baby, which means the ones born in September are 9 months older than him already, this is actually a lot in age wise you would never compare a 6 month old to a 14 month old in children's development, but will compare 4 year old children in a class of completely different ages, who are mixed ability , i have had this argument so many times I can see it, so why don't they pick up on it on they own instincts

Not RTFT, so someone might have already suggested... but... I think you said you are using Dyslexiefont or similar at work? Can you print out his name and some basic names of things he's interested in using that font? If it does help, it might give you a clue that he takes after you, long before the school will test for dyslexia. If he does turn out to be dyslexic, you will already be on the road to knowing how to help him. Good luck 🙂

No, absolutely not! Some children can’t speak properly, many are still given dummies on pick up or wearing nappies.
Some can scrawl a few letters but it’s not common for children to form their own name correctly. Many can’t even recognise it written down on a coat peg. Hence all this push from the ed secretary to improve school readiness.

As a teacher and also mum to a SEN child, what I did was to read every single day fantastic stories. I made it the best time of the day. I made sure books where always joyful at home. Eventually, eventually he began to read aged almost 8. But then he very quickly caught up and now has a reading age above his chronological age. His motivation was high.
This is the opposite of what school will tell you to do. They will tell you to bang on about phonics at home. But as a teacher who teachers phonics and can’t say this in real life…. I honestly think it’s counter productive. The worst thing you can do is make your child hate books. Keep the love of reading alive and they will catch up. Have faith!

My dc is an august baby and I was amazed how much her reading progressed when she started foundation. Just keep reading to dc, no pressure, he will pick it up. At the start of our foundation term, the teacher had all the parents in one evening to explain all about phonics and how we can help at home, this was great and really helped me to make sure I was pronouncing the letters correctly. First thing is to address any concerns with his teacher

My child was potty trained and without a dummy when he went to school. He can wash himself, dress himself and do his own teeth and brush his hair. He can feed himself properly and is good with numbers.

All bar numbers, which preschool did. Preschool do not do literacy or reading. When I asked why they said the school would do that so you can see my confusion as to why they are expecting my child to write his own name and read when I was told otherwise by the preschool he went to situated on school grounds.

I have addressed concerns with the teacher who is just telling me to read to him. And they will be sending home sound exercises for him to do.

He's also been given home work to do...

I definitely see your confusion and I’d be questioning it.

It really sounds like both you and your son are feeling overwhelmed, and that’s completely understandable. Many children — especially summer-born ones — aren’t ready to sound out letters this early, even if schools act like they should be. His “I don’t know” isn’t stubbornness; it’s him feeling pressured and unsure.
You don’t need to teach him to read. Your job is simply to make reading feel positive. If sounding out letters is causing stress, pause it for now. Just read to him, talk about the pictures, make silly sounds together — those small moments still help him learn.
And please don’t feel guilty because you’re dyslexic. That doesn’t make you less capable of supporting him. If anything, you understand how scary reading can feel when it’s hard.
It’s also okay to tell the teacher you’re struggling and ask what one small thing they’d like you to focus on at home.
If you ever want simple, low-pressure phonics pages to try together, Worksheetzone has some gentle early-sound activities — nothing intense.
You’re not failing him. He’ll get there, and he needs your calm more than perfect phonics.