Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

4 year old learning phonics and reading

150 replies

Tiredmumtoboy · 09/09/2025 15:56

The school my son is in has sent him home with a book for him to read to us along with a book for us to track reading. They want us to get him to read 4 times a week and will track this with the reading report book.

I can't get my son to even sound any letters out. I say them and ask him to repeat and I get I don't know and it's to hard and I don't remember. He tuts and huffs at me when I ask him to try.

How the hell can I expect him to read to me if I can't even get him to sound letters out. He's a June baby and this school were also expecting our kids to be able to write their own names before they even started school.

I feel like this is all to much for him but also to much for me (As a dyslexic) I don't feel able to teach him to read or spell.

What do I do because I'm pretty stressed.

OP posts:
Newton161 · 09/09/2025 20:41

Blarney22 · 09/09/2025 20:20

I don’t agree - I think the Y1 phonics test is putting pressure on teachers to teach phonics before children are developmentally ready. My “more able” child got 14 GCSEs at A or A and 4 A-levels at A or A in the state system, hardly mediocre. No private tuition was involved.

Standards vary dramatically in the state system. One child’s results are irrelevant.

You can only make a generic assessment on a large sample size. Of course there will be a range of results within that sample but the averages are clear to see.

There are huge differences in opportunity. The parental cohort matters more than the school itself.

MonGrainDeSel · 09/09/2025 20:42

You'd expect most Reception children to already have a fairly good grasp of the alphabet just from existing in the world and recognising things like the letters of their names

Honestly, I don't know where you live but this simply isn't true. I would guess that less than half my 18 year old daughter's Reception class had much idea what the letters of the alphabet were and they certainly couldn't blend them days after starting school! Mine did know her letters but this is because I'd had time to play letter games with her and also knew how to do it. The majority of parents will either not have the time or not know what to do.

If you'd like some ideas for very simple games, @Tiredmumtoboy, let me know. I guarantee they will not be too tricky for you even with dyslexia.

Tiredmumtoboy · 09/09/2025 20:45

InMyShowgirlEra · 09/09/2025 20:37

Do you know what the phases include? Phase 2 is 23 sounds, most of them single letters. Phase 2 is another 27. You'd expect most Reception children to already have a fairly good grasp of the alphabet just from existing in the world and recognising things like the letters of their names, so most of Phase 2 is just consolidating existing knowledge in a more structured way and beginning to understand how letters work together to make words. Phase 3 is more about memorising new graphemes that they might have never seen before school. Phase 4 is continuing to work with the sounds already learned in Phases 2 and 3- there's no new sounds.

Phase 5 takes most of Y1 and is where all the more tricky sounds, split digraphs, trigraphs and so on are introduced.

Schools need to get through Phase 5 before the end of Y1 in order for them to get through the phonics screening.

It's frustrating when a child won't even attempt something but someone has to persuade him to do it. It's highly likely he's doing the exact same thing at school, and it's important that he learns that you have to do things which are hard sometimes.

Try taking turns to read a word, keep sessions short and sweet (even one page is better than nothing) and put the emphasis on how proud you are of him for persevering.

Most importantly, regardless of whether you managed to get him to read to you, read to him as often and as widely as possible every day.

In terms of him recognising letters. He only recognises E and I've been trying to teach him to spell his name and recognize his name for almost a year now.

He knows the letters of his name, he's stopped missing out the A. But if I was to put it in writing and ask him what each individual letter is he says E and then the rest I don't know or says some random letter 🤷

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Tiredmumtoboy · 09/09/2025 20:47

MonGrainDeSel · 09/09/2025 20:42

You'd expect most Reception children to already have a fairly good grasp of the alphabet just from existing in the world and recognising things like the letters of their names

Honestly, I don't know where you live but this simply isn't true. I would guess that less than half my 18 year old daughter's Reception class had much idea what the letters of the alphabet were and they certainly couldn't blend them days after starting school! Mine did know her letters but this is because I'd had time to play letter games with her and also knew how to do it. The majority of parents will either not have the time or not know what to do.

If you'd like some ideas for very simple games, @Tiredmumtoboy, let me know. I guarantee they will not be too tricky for you even with dyslexia.

Thanks, that would be really helpful. 🙏

I might see if there's any support out there for mums who are dyslexic to tackle things like this. I feel suddenly very unprepared 🥴

OP posts:
Newton161 · 09/09/2025 20:50

JoB1kenobi · 09/09/2025 20:22

This is poor - I’m a teacher in KS2 and I know that EYFS need to write their name by the end of the year and our school haven’t started phonics yet. Usually week 3 when they’ve all settled and learned a few routines. They won’t take word books home yet either. Maybe just enjoy reading with him and pick a very few letters for him to sound - search phase 2 phonics. Even if he has started already, he’ll only be on sounds s a t then p i n

Surely nearly all children can write their own name before starting Reception?

wanttokickoffbutcant · 09/09/2025 20:51

Brainstorm23 · 09/09/2025 17:00

I'm always pretty baffled by the way schools go on and on about phonics.

My daughter's 7 and tbh I don't really know how she learned to read. We'd always read to her every night from when she was a baby. She started school at 4 (we're in NI) and she started reading little books and bingo she could read.

Same - read every night and she just picked it up. Just traced the words with my finger and also did a lot of ABC work with her in a fun way. I could point to a word and she would know it. Was a bit shocked though when she came back after a few days at nursery and she read a (simple) book to me. I had never thought to ask her to do that!

OP, there are loads of resources out there that help with phonics in a fun way.

Blarney22 · 09/09/2025 20:52

Newton161 · 09/09/2025 20:41

Standards vary dramatically in the state system. One child’s results are irrelevant.

You can only make a generic assessment on a large sample size. Of course there will be a range of results within that sample but the averages are clear to see.

There are huge differences in opportunity. The parental cohort matters more than the school itself.

That’s hardly the same as claiming that state schools aim for mediocrity across the board. Teachers’ jobs and pay rely on not achieving mediocrity. I have a postgraduate degree in psychometric statistics, so I’m aware of sample sizes. The whole point of a bell curve is that not everyone is going to be at the peak of it. In any case, I’m extremely happy with the state education my child received.

InMyShowgirlEra · 09/09/2025 20:55

MonGrainDeSel · 09/09/2025 20:42

You'd expect most Reception children to already have a fairly good grasp of the alphabet just from existing in the world and recognising things like the letters of their names

Honestly, I don't know where you live but this simply isn't true. I would guess that less than half my 18 year old daughter's Reception class had much idea what the letters of the alphabet were and they certainly couldn't blend them days after starting school! Mine did know her letters but this is because I'd had time to play letter games with her and also knew how to do it. The majority of parents will either not have the time or not know what to do.

If you'd like some ideas for very simple games, @Tiredmumtoboy, let me know. I guarantee they will not be too tricky for you even with dyslexia.

Really? Even as far back as the early 90s I remember on my first day the teacher pointed to all the letters and asked us to tell her what sounds they made and I was flummoxed because I'd only learned the names of the letters, but then realised that I did know most of them just by my parents pointing at things and saying things like, "r is for red". You are right it takes longer to understand blending, but the letter sounds themselves you pick up from just talking about them and having them around the house. Magnetic letters on the fridge, foam letters in the bath, videos and songs on TV, they are everywhere.

DD's school gave us a school readiness checklist and they needed to recognise their name and at least 3 words.

Newton161 · 09/09/2025 20:56

Blarney22 · 09/09/2025 20:52

That’s hardly the same as claiming that state schools aim for mediocrity across the board. Teachers’ jobs and pay rely on not achieving mediocrity. I have a postgraduate degree in psychometric statistics, so I’m aware of sample sizes. The whole point of a bell curve is that not everyone is going to be at the peak of it. In any case, I’m extremely happy with the state education my child received.

The point is that the average results are poor.

There are of course a whole host of reasons for that but I’m sure you’d agree the average level of qualification achieved at the end of a state education is extremely underwhelming.

T0rt0ise · 09/09/2025 20:58

Just to reassure you, my March-born went to school only being able to sound the letters of his name and recognise the letter 'T'. I did very little at home (he was exhausted and it wasn't a stress he needed) beyond reading lots of books to him and he picked up the phonics sounds just fine. Once he was into a better routine (probably since Christma) we've tried to make sure we do a 10/15 minutes of work with him every day on the weekend and during school holidays but it's paired with 10 minutes on my old gameboy or something speical after as he has zero interest in doing it (he doesn't have a tablet or any other consol thing). I also try and just point words out in books, on menus, street signs etc to increase his exposure. School are happy with his progress and the stress around it is minimal.

I've found the Oxford reading resources really good for use at home (when he's reading a bit they have basic non-fiction books which my son is far more interested in than the function ones plus lots of levelled workbooks with stickers and some games). Also, the orchard toys alphabet games are quite good to give more exposure.

mamagogo1 · 09/09/2025 21:01

Surely they will know the letters and sounds from nursery/learning at home. My dc were sounding out letters by school starting

OnePinkButter · 09/09/2025 21:04

I know at the school preschools around here, by the end of the year they many can read CVC words and know a few sight words!
Is it possible most have come from their preschool and teacher has wrongly assumed they all can read or nearly read ‘a fox is big’ etc?
Write ‘book too hard. Played letter sounds games etc games 4 x a week instead’, that’ll be absolutely fine. I’m sure they’ll quickly realise he can’t read but he’ll be reading them by half term I’m sure!!!

Needmorelego · 09/09/2025 21:06

Newton161 · 09/09/2025 20:50

Surely nearly all children can write their own name before starting Reception?

Not necessarily.
Again - this is what Reception year is for - learning how to do these things.
Most 4 year olds will probably recognise their name when it's written down but many won't have the skills yet to form the letter shapes with a pencil.

RigbyRight · 09/09/2025 21:16

Tiredmumtoboy · 09/09/2025 20:32

We do read to our children. Alot. He loves books and reading and my husband and I read 2/3 books to him a night but I'm not expecting home work until year 5/6.

I'm also very dyslexic so I'm not even going to be able to help him when it gets more complex. Especially with spelling. There's no way I can assist with spelling tests ect.

I have extra help systems at work that's how dyslexic I am. And on my kindle the font is specifically designed for dyslexic reading.

Homework in y5/6 is something a child will do mostly on their own.
Learning to read needs many hours of one to one time. Teachers cannot do this for every child in addition to everything else required. It is a normal expectation that parents read with their children everyday. This isn’t homework.

MonGrainDeSel · 09/09/2025 21:19

Tiredmumtoboy · 09/09/2025 20:47

Thanks, that would be really helpful. 🙏

I might see if there's any support out there for mums who are dyslexic to tackle things like this. I feel suddenly very unprepared 🥴

@Tiredmumtoboy tagging so you will definitely see this!

OK, do you know what letters they start with in his scheme? You can ask his teacher if you don't know. And do tell her you are dyslexic and there is dyslexia on the other side of the family too.

You could do a jumping/running game. Whatever the first three letters he learns at school are (ours were S A T), print or draw them absolutely giant on A4 paper (you could draw them and he could help colour them in if he'd like that). Put one on a chair seat, one on the floor and the other also on the floor but a distance away. You can do more than one of each letter and have them all over the place if that would be fun. On the back of the sofa etc! The game is that you make the letter sound (so SSS not saying ess) and he has to jump on or run to the paper with that letter. Put a little bit of music on if that's not distracting, something that doesn't have words, not too loud, and do it on a rhythm once he starts to get the hang of the first few. Rewards for trying. Bigger rewards for getting it right - maybe a marble jar or similar with one marble for trying and two for getting it right and when it's filled he gets something little he'd like?

You could make a pile of snap cards with S A T P I N (or any other letters/sounds and include E/letters in his name since he knows them, but lots of each one) and just work on seeing that one S is the same as another S, with lots of praise whenever he gets it right or is really making a good effort/concentrating. You need lots of each one so there will be lots of matches. Then move on to saying the sound when you pick up the cards if he can see that S and S are the same or P and P or whatever. Obviously let him win if you possibly can. You could print these out in big bold type on card so they look all the same. The goal here is just to recognise that one S is the same as the other S to begin with. The sounds can come after that.

You can get some magnetic letters and stick them on a radiator in another room. Game is that you say the sound and he has to run and pick you the letter and bring it back. Points for speed! If he can't do it, he can come and ask for a clue about the shape of the letter. You might need a few sets so that he can have a few of the ones he knows to begin with. Once he starts to get the hang of you, you can time him if he'd find that fun. Never say he got it wrong! Say 'nearly right, do you want to have another go, here's a clue'.

You could make some homemade dominoes out of card with the letters and play dominoes matching those. Again, say the sound of the letter not the name when you put it down to match another.

Since he already knows some of the letters in his name, perhaps start with those in whichever game he would like best, and introduce one more at a time only moving on when he has that extra letter down pat. Try to do lots of things that he can get right! It's important that he feels successful. Switch the games up so he doesn't get bored. And drop any of the games that are not enjoyable for him.

And it's also important to stick to the letter sounds not the letter names at first as that is how they'll be doing it at school. If you are not confident with the sounds, the Jolly Phonics videos I mentioned before might help (though sitting through them without your son may be a trial).

I don't think it would be a bad idea to ask the teacher for support since you are dyslexic. Usually schools run sessions about how to support with literacy and maths at home etc so might be worth asking if there will be any of these in the near future.

Sorry, that was insanely long, hope some of it is helpful.

Motherofdragons24 · 09/09/2025 21:22

I really wouldn’t get stressed about this. He’s just turned 4 and has done one week at school! Of course he’s not totally grasped phonics yet. Get the book out, if he doesn’t want to read it to you or can’t sound the words, you read it to him, exaggerating some of the first letters, talk about the pictures that correspond with the words and sounds. Play games like I spy arround the house “I spy with something that starts with a a a a a a ….” Yes a a a an apple very good” he’ll get it eventually. Don’t turn homework and reading into a battle, it’s to be an enjoyable moment, he will learn much more that way than fighting you every step of the way.

Mogwais · 09/09/2025 21:24

If your ds has access to an ipad or tablet there is two really great apps for phonics, one is called teach my monster - 1 off payment and also reading eggs- subscription. My dd also 4 has been doing them for a year and has come on leaps and bounds with her phonics and reading as it's bright & colourful and rewards them along the way. It might be worth having a look at.

MonGrainDeSel · 09/09/2025 21:25

InMyShowgirlEra · 09/09/2025 20:55

Really? Even as far back as the early 90s I remember on my first day the teacher pointed to all the letters and asked us to tell her what sounds they made and I was flummoxed because I'd only learned the names of the letters, but then realised that I did know most of them just by my parents pointing at things and saying things like, "r is for red". You are right it takes longer to understand blending, but the letter sounds themselves you pick up from just talking about them and having them around the house. Magnetic letters on the fridge, foam letters in the bath, videos and songs on TV, they are everywhere.

DD's school gave us a school readiness checklist and they needed to recognise their name and at least 3 words.

Yes, really. Some parents won't know what to do. Some parents won't be interested. Some parents won't have the time. Some parents won't have the resources. If you think all parents are saying R is for red, you are very wrong.

I'd actually suggest that recognising three words isn't even a tiny bit helpful in the context of phonics. And it's not achievable for lots of children, usually because they haven't had the opportunity (eg letters round the house etc).

Tiredmumtoboy · 09/09/2025 21:51

mamagogo1 · 09/09/2025 21:01

Surely they will know the letters and sounds from nursery/learning at home. My dc were sounding out letters by school starting

The pre school he went to didn't do phonics or letters or practicing how to right their name. I actually found it a little confusing why he wouldn't be learning that when the school its literally right next to says they should be writing his own name.

I ummed and Rrrd about if he should be held back a year being a June baby.

I work from 8:30 till 5. We read to him every day without question 2-3 books. I tried to teach his name when I had time and he can spell his name but cannot write his name.

OP posts:
Tiredmumtoboy · 09/09/2025 21:57

Thank you for the reassurance and help from some.

Other comments have made me feel like I've failed my child because he can't write his own name or do phonics... So thanks there 😒

I did try but being a working mum I'd just rather have fun with my children. I feel guilty enough already for having to work and well this has made my guilt a lot worse...

OP posts:
caringcarer · 09/09/2025 22:00

A lot of these books only have 6-8 pages with a few words on each page. Make a game of phonics then blends.

KeenGreen · 09/09/2025 22:16

Tiredmumtoboy · 09/09/2025 18:17

We have a list of what they are doing curriculum wise and they've put autumn one phase 2 phonics

Autumn 2 phase 3 phonics...

That feels way to much at the beginning of school year...

Phase 3 in Autumn 2? 😱
That’s a lot!

From what I’ve seen from various schemes the whole Autumn term is about phase 2.
Phase 3 was the whole of the spring term for us!

As others have said are they using a named scheme? Read write inc? Little Wandle etc or have they created their own? (More unusual these days)
The reading book youve brought home will indicate this.

LookForTheLiight · 09/09/2025 22:20

Ok, I’m a year 1 teacher, phonics lead and mum of a 4yo!

Firstly you’ve done nothing wrong by not teaching your child pre school. You’ve read to him, played and interacted which is a lot more than lots of children receive at home, believe me!

Secondly, some children just. Are. Not. Ready. I can’t say this loudly enough! F the phonics screening and the homework. If your child is so reluctant, he’s probably not ready. Ask yourself - can he recognise rhyming words? Does he know symbols, logos (cars, shops, road signs)? Can he clap syllables - use your names possibly? Can he distinguish between sounds in his environment? Can he identify the sound a word begins with? (Not on paper, orally). All of these are essential pre reading skills. Focus on these and for most children, the reading will come much more easily.

And never beat yourself up for playing with your child! ❤️

Shhhhitsmagic · 09/09/2025 22:29

My 4 year old also brought her 1st book home today! She only knows the letter S and has no interest in sitting still to learn. She also has speech delay so cant even pronounce many other letters/sounds. I just read to her and pointed out letters

MonGrainDeSel · 09/09/2025 22:29

Tiredmumtoboy · 09/09/2025 21:51

The pre school he went to didn't do phonics or letters or practicing how to right their name. I actually found it a little confusing why he wouldn't be learning that when the school its literally right next to says they should be writing his own name.

I ummed and Rrrd about if he should be held back a year being a June baby.

I work from 8:30 till 5. We read to him every day without question 2-3 books. I tried to teach his name when I had time and he can spell his name but cannot write his name.

It is completely normal for your son not to be able to write his name at this stage.

He can spell his name. That's a great start. Just keep supporting him with letters to begin with, and the reading and writing will come with time. Do you sound out his name when you show it to him? That might help to get him thinking. Doesn't have to be letter by letter if there are complicated bits and use sounds not letter names. Eg Thomas would be T-O-M-A-S (and you just say, in your name TH says T). Really recommend looking up the videos with the letter sounds on YouTube so you say MMMM rather than MUH if that makes sense. Tell me if it doesn't and I'll try to explain more.

Please try to give him lots of opportunities to get this kind of thing right as that will be really helpful in terms of his attitude to school and learning which is hugely important, more so than being able to write his name when he's just turned 4.

Best of luck. You sound like a lovely mum. You have not done anything wrong.

My daughter's writing was almost non-existent at this age and she's just done really well in her A Levels.