4 year old learning phonics and reading

[Tiredmumtoboy]

The school my son is in has sent him home with a book for him to read to us along with a book for us to track reading. They want us to get him to read 4 times a week and will track this with the reading report book.

I can't get my son to even sound any letters out. I say them and ask him to repeat and I get I don't know and it's to hard and I don't remember. He tuts and huffs at me when I ask him to try.

How the hell can I expect him to read to me if I can't even get him to sound letters out. He's a June baby and this school were also expecting our kids to be able to write their own names before they even started school.

I feel like this is all to much for him but also to much for me (As a dyslexic) I don't feel able to teach him to read or spell.

What do I do because I'm pretty stressed.

My children (also 4) have been sent home with the same, books are for you to read to him and letters of their names to be practiced in writing x

one way is to set a timer for reading. Start with 1 minute. We are going to sit and talk about the pictures in the school book. Make up stories etc. when the alarm goes off then off everyone goes. Build up the time to 5 mins. He will get used to knowing that it’s a short fixed amount of time that he needs to settle for.
setting expectations that you expect him to have a go means that when the homework ramps up over the years that it’s not new. Believe me when I say you don’t want to be fighting over GCSE revision. Setting a timer sets expectations.

I worked long hours and soon as I got through the door, kid knew to get his book bag and get comfy. It was snuggle time on the sofa.

if there is another parent home then get them to do the reading

He's only been at school a week, ge wont have learned that many sounds yet, how hard can it be for you? Surely you can use your imagination to turn it into a game. Literal babies can link 'ssss' sound to the letter fir example. Hide the letters, make the sounds and send him to look round the room and hunt them out

He might just not be quite ready yet. Or have dyslexia. Some kids do learn earlier than others.

3 of my kids were reading simple books by age 4. I didn't teach them phonics though, at least not as school does. Obviously there was some decoding of words but mainly, I taught whole word recognition.

One didn't grasp it until nearly 6 but once she did, she came on in leaps and bounds. School did their best to support her with learning to read but it was just a case of persisting until something clicked

For me, I would be less worried about your son's reading ability and more about the attitude to learning/trying. That is far more important for kids in school.
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You mention that both times you tried helping him - English and maths - you gave up because he kept moaning saying he can't do it or can't remember.

I thought 4 year olds phonics in their second language for quote a few years, and the two reasons for this are A, your method for helping aren't suitable. Or B, he has built up a block in his mind against trying/effort/failure/doing things he doesn't want to.

I don't know which one it is,but the best thing you can do is to try again and again to help him, but make it fun. Turn learning letters into games, buy wooden letter block toys, make it silly, gamify it. Try and get him back to trying and away from just saying he can't do it.

Also for the debate around should the parents teach it or should the teachers teach it...

I taught early years phonics before I moved into education research and I fully understand why teachers say "don't teach your child X, let us do it properly"

It is 100% true that it is better for the class and the teacher, if the students are all at a similar "blank-slate" level before learning. Nothing is more annoying than a child who has learned it wrongly and has to learn it again. And even the children who did learn it properly at home are a little annoying because they can disturb the peace. They can tease the students who don't find it easy, they need separate work, they split the class and the teacher's attention etc.

But, it is also 100% true that the majority of the best students have parental involvment and help with their education. It is better for your child's development if you help them learn their letters, and basic phonics at home. (The idea that parents can't deal with basic phonics sounds is a myth peddled by parents who are too lazy to look into it for 10 minutes and want an excuse to not learn something new. Basic phonics sounds are incredibly easy and simple to understand and teach kids). Same as it is better for your child to learn basic pen skills and practice drawing/writing before reception. Same with all other life skills.

What is better for a teacher managing a class of 20-30 kids and what is better for an specific individual student are not always the same. As a parent my job is to do what is best for my child's learning, not what is best for their whole class.

She was being taught phonics 😂

Just read to him and ask him questions, don't worry about phonics yet he won't have been taught the letter sounds.

Phonics just did not work for my ds. He had speech delay, is ND and had an IEP and a one to one helper at school. He struggled with both reading and writing. His speech therapist said he had a form of dyslexia. It did eventually click when he was about 7 and he got 8s in English language and literature gcse. The teacher will know every child is different. Just record what you did on the reading record and send it in.

Honestly, I think it's nuts that in England (maybe wales too?) they send kids to school after they've just turned 4. 4 year olds are not ready for school. I wouldn't bother doing the homework, he'll associate reading with being upset. Just you read to him regularly if possible.
My youngest was due to start school in August at 4.5 but I had the choice to defer until next year when he'll start at 5.5. I don't know many people who sends their 4.5 year old to school now - we're in Scotland.

You try teaching a kid who turns around and says, it's to hard, I don't remember, I give up and huffing and puffing at you after just asking him to repeat what you said.

It definitely feels way too early for him to be bringing books home to read if he’s just started reception.

My dc is year one now but in reception I’m sure she didn’t start reading small words until maybe January or after (definitely wouldn’t have been able to read anything this time last year but can now read books for her age really well, she was born in February)

She also went to pre-school

Definitely speak to the teacher but I would be surprised if the other kids can read !

get him a tutor if you can - i have no educational issues and i still couldn’t get my head around stupid phonics. so to avoid the stress and anxiety i got him a tutor at four years of age who taught it to him all in a few weeks and he became advanced reader very quickly

Practise other reading skills e.g. making predictions (look at the front cover & ask “what might this book be about?”) / infer meaning from the pictures “oh look, he has a red face, why do you think that might be? Maybe he was running really fast? It looks like they were having a race!”

You could try and spot the letter he’s been learning in school e.g. your teacher said you’ve been learning s, it looks like this, shall we try and spot them? You could add a Lego brick to make a tower to keep track of how many there are.

Hope this helps!

Where’s your DH in this? You say you can’t teach the sounds, can he do it?

DS is at university now, so learning phonics for us was a long time ago, but we had a CD of phonics which we would play in the car. We also had some games as well. But the phonics scheme was just being introduced then, so the reading books didn’t tie in with the scheme, which was confusing! Now most schools should have books they send home which tie in exactly with the stage of phonics they are learning.

One issue with parents teaching children letters before they start school was that they tend to teach the letters and not the phonic sounds.

Is your DS reluctant to learn anything new, not just school ‘academic’ stuff. How is he in learning to take turns, playing board games, wearing school uniform, eating new foods?

Prior to the current phonics schemes, the government provided a scheme (optional) that schools could follow.

The most useful part of it was phase 1 which is a wider preparation for reading. Rhyming, rhythm, auditory discrimination etc.
Many of the ideas are easy, active learning that good EY providers do anyway and the types of activity that children would do, in their play, at home too.

As an EY Lead, teaching phonics, it was very clear which children had great phase 1 input. The auditory discrimination especially.
Think about it, the child who cannot differentiate with eyes closed, the sound of a bell from that of a drum, is never going to be able to descriminate ‘sss’ from ‘ttt’ and is going to need more support to do so.
Children without phase 1 type activities really struggled with phase 2, where letters and sounds are introduced.

Parents, more phase 1 type activity, through play, in the car, as you walk, all in prep!
https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/67124a19b40d67191077b36e/Letters_and_Sounds_-_Phase_One.pdf

Quite possibly she was taught using phonics

Bear in mind OP that some children won’t be read to by their parents regularly and won’t have access to many (any) books. Part of bringing the book home is to start familiarising the children with the concept of reading stories, turning the pages, imagining what might happen.

Don’t stress about sounding out the letter sounds for now. He’ll pick them up. Spend some time looking at what might be happening in the story and talking about it. Then when he’s had enough let him go off to do something else.

Don’t feel guilty ever for earning money to put a roof over his head, food in his tummy and all the fun stuff he’s had in his life.

Reading will come and one day you’ll have a very hazy memory of SATP, digraphs and trigraphs plus all the ridiculous spellings in English that bear no resemblance to the general rules they learn (bough, bought, rough!)

If you’re worried that he might get into trouble, then speak to his teacher. But the important thing, at this age, is that you teach him to look books.
Look at the pictures with him. Ask him if he guess what might happen in the story, from those. Ask him to draw a picture of what he thinks might happen. Read a page, and ask him what he thinks will happen next. Read the next page, and see if he’s right. Ask him whether he prefers HIS story, or the one in the book. Choose a word from the story, talk about the sounds he can hear, can he think of another word that starts with the same sound, or that rhymes with it. Look at the shapes of letters, use play dough or air drying clay to make some.

Well anyone who had been a teacher has done exactly that and I can confirm it's a lot harder when you'll be evaluated on that child's progress and there are 29 other children needing your time.

That's why I think it's really important that you work primarily on his attitude to learning and getting through something that's hard, because if every time he encounters something new he just refuses to try, the next 14 years will not be enjoyable for anyone.

Yes at that age it’s tough because they need to want to read. My son was reading confidently by 3 but he was interested in it - he loves stories, loces words, loves figuring out what things say, loves writing me secret messages. Can you ask the teacher to stop the books for the moment?

Oh bless him! It's early in the term, he hasn't learnt the letters yet so thats likely why he can't do it. I'd suggest just getting into the routine of reading a book together after school, it could be the reading book or a different one if that's more engaging, and you read to him just for 15 mins - ask questions, get him to point to the pictures, what does he think will happen next - just get him interested in the concept of reading. Also start to involve letters and numbers in life, Ooh look it's a B for Ben your friends name, draw letters in sand, make them out of playdo, get puzzles with letters on etc etc.
If you have a home reading diary just pop a note in saying "Tom couldn't read this himself so I read and we discussed the story". If you're still concerned ask to have a chat about it, his teachers will be able to give ideas to help at home too. At this age the level is so variable, some children love reading, learnt phonics at pre school and as a result can read, other children can't name any letter except the one for their name. By the end of reception they're normally all confident with the alphabet and able to read at least 3 letter words/short books ready for year one. The teachers will/should flag any concerns but at this stage, they'll teach as if the children haven't learnt the alphabet yet, and every morning they will do phonics based on specific sounds (you could ask your son what sounds they're learning and begin pointing them out - "look Apple is an A sound). If he likes tv, alphablocks and number blocks are great on i player.

If you are stressed the child will be as well. sharing a book should be fun and not torture.Read to your child. talk about the story and the pictures, ask questions- what is going to happen next? what would we do? or find things in the pictures or story that they have or have done and make the time cosy and interesting, When your child is ready they will want to look for or will begin to identify repeated sound and words. If it has turned into a battle then you need to find a way to take that element and put enjoyment back in for both of you. Good luck x

I'd ask to speak to the teacher and explain and not do the reading until then, or maybe just read it to him and talk about the book? Your child getting frustrated and upset isn't going to nurture a love of reading.

When my son started reception last year the teacher did a meeting with all the parents to explain all about phonics and what they would be learning and about the reading books they would be bringing home. I remember her saying that they would assess each child's level before sending a book home and that some children might bring home a book with only pictures and no words and to just look at it with them and get them to describe the pictures. Maybe that could be an option?

Only the hot-housers.