French shopkeeper thinks English parenting is terrible

[Turquoiseforever]

Long one sorry, but I've included details to try and give an accurate picture!

Holidaying in France currently and have had a memorable incident in a shop today that has given me some food for thought, just interested in other people's thoughts on this.

Gave my oldest kids (3 & 6) €5 each to buy a souvenir of their choice at our local seaside town. Most shops turned out to be quite bougie and aimed at adults, but saw one which looked hopeful. Had an A-frame sign outside with a plastic colourful beach windmill on it, and a rack of children's clothes. Went in and quickly realised it was again full of very valuable things. At one end was a basket of handmade crocheted teddies, handmaid kids clothing, and some wooden toys. The kids took a look at the teddies, picked one up each then sat in two kids chairs holding them on their laps for a few minutes while I had a quick look round the shelves around them. We had a look at a few other things together, for full disclosure: when we entered my 3yo picked up a very delicate cup which I quickly set down and reminded her not to do. As we were leaving my 6yo very gently pointed out a necklace to me on a very flimsy stand that started to tip over, which I caught before it fell and set upright again. They looked at a few other things without incident or touching.

We didn't spend long, said merci and went on our way. About 10 mins later a lady from the shop approached us in the street and informed me my kids had broken two toys in her shop. We went back with her and found out that the rabbit teddies they had been holding had some very thin toothpick-like sticks of wood in each ear (to shape them a bit) which had been broken by my daughters twisting the ears, pretending to give them a 'hair style'. I had no idea at all they had been broken. Obviously this is my responsibility and error of judgement, and was totally correct to be brought to my attention.

However, the lady also subjected me to a rant about how French children would NEVER pick things up in a shop, they are taught "limits", whereas all summer she has had English, German etc children visiting and breaking things and being given "no limits" by their parents. Complained we had left the place a mess and her husband had to tidy behind us, because the teddies were placed back in the basket but not sat upright as previously displayed (I had set the chairs back carefully but admittedly been distracted from checking the basket).

I pushed back (calmly!) on her generalised critique of my parenting, and she said she has just lost patience after a summer full of similar experiences and essentially admitted this lecture wasn't personal. Still, it was pretty heavy handed to give in public in front of my children and other customers.

To be clear I know I made an error. We had been in a few quite breakable shops already which required heavy parenting, and I guess I saw an opportunity for a quick relief for us all. Normally I would supervise my children looking at anything handmade, so it was a lax moment, but I did think they were just wool and stuffing and wouldn't suffer at all from light playing. Also, typically I wouldn't take my children into these kind of shops. They have never broken anything in a shop before!

I just wonder how humbled I should be. Did I just catch this lady on a really bad day? Was she a bit racist? Are french children really that obedient all the time? Should I strike it off as a bad day and move on without too much thought, or do I take the criticism on board more strongly and accept I should be stricter with things like this and re-evaluate my parenting?! Do we really have much lower standards in the UK?

It's a shame, we've had a lovely holiday but now I feel like we're not that welcome here and have been judged/looked down on in general. Do we really have a terrible reputation in France?

I have 3 French cousins who used to come and stay when I was a kid and they were just as playful, cheeky and occasionally disobedient as any English child. One thing I'd note is then being better at meal times though - would stay at the table and enjoy fruit and veg more

gebtle parenting type spotted 🙄🙄🙄

No, not really. Only on MN. Doesn’t happen in real life because you generally don’t have people hovering unseen, waiting to pounce on every little detail to blow out of all proportion.

To be fair we can't expect dc here to behave like the French unless our adults do too

Which would have rather eloquently proved her point about the attitude of many Brits on holiday.

French kids often behave better because they are afraid they’ll get a smack.

Long time lurker, first time posting just to comment on this!
I'm French but have lived in the UK for over 30 years, my daughter was born a MD raised here and I have 7 French nephews and nieces. Your children were not misbehaved, not more than any other French 3 and 6 year old kids would have been. You just got the brunt of the shopkeepers frustration and I'm sorry she made you feel unwelcome and judged.

As for the French Vs British, the only difference I've noticed is that French children are more used to sit at a table in a restaurant for long period of time so better behaved in that setting. For the rest kids are kids and the difference is with the parents, not the nationality!

I can see why she was annoyed as your children broke the items. If they hadn't broken anything then I would be more on your side.
Your kids aren't toddlers, they are old enough to know better and if they don't know better then you should have watched them more closely. The 3 year old should have been holding your hand at all times or in a pram if they are not able to hold your hand and listen and respond to simple instructions in a shop where there are expensive items laying about.

But accidents do happen, even when children are being closely monitored,

Right………I am British, I have two children who were always told on entering any shop ‘do not touch anything’! And they did as they were told. There has been shops worldwide that I wouldn’t dream of taking young children into because merchandise was so expensive, delicate and within reach etc.

When they grew up and had children themselves they were told likewise……’do not touch anything’! And they also avoided shops that they deemed to be expensive etc as I have described above.

So I don’t think it’s a nationality thing, more poor judgement in the moment………come across a fancy goods shop with eye watering prices when out with the kids, use your common sense and walk on by! Not rocket science is it??

Yeah, course you would...

What an utterly ridiculous post. How on earth do you know whether they were well made or not ? OP explained that the toothpicks were there to hold the ears in shape - which indicates that they were either display items, or meant to be ornamental rather than toys. OP picked them out and gave them to her children to ‘play with’ while she browsed, with absolutely no intention of buying them, so how could she take the shopkeeper to task for anything ?

One thing you have got right though - l don’t think the kids were badly behaved, l think that honour goes to OP for being so entitled as to let her children have their grubby hands all over clearly delicate knitted items she had no intention of purchasing. I’m with the shop keeper 100%.

To be honest l don’t think the kids are at fault here. They were given the teddies by OP to keep them occupied while she shopped. Unless she intended to buy them it was rude and entitled. As the shop keeper l would have been livid too.

Been to France a few times and my kids were never allowed free rein in a shop, and we first took them at 11 and 8. The French kids in restaurants are eerily quiet, as are adults.

When we were children the first thing my mum would say when we walked in to a shop like you are describing is "don't touch anything".

I think you should have done this. Children shouldn't be allowed to do what they want in other peoples' areas.

Give over on the "racist" trope...it's so overused by people who just WANT to use the word.

No she wasn't racist. She was a pissed off shopkeeper who had some of the goods in her shop damaged by children who have not been taught how to behave correctly. You do not allow your children to pick up and play with items for sale in a shop ffs!
I live in France, I've never seen a child behaving like the OP's in a shop, I've never seen children being allowed to run riot in restaurants. The behaviour I see from holidaying Brits (both children and adults) here makes me ashamed to be British.

I think a lot of people have a dislike for the English so her attitude on that wouldn't surprise me. Your post has gone from saying they each took a teddy (which you had no intention of buying) and they sat in 2 children's chairs (again you had no intention of buying) holding the teddies on their lap, to then admitting they were twisting the ears to make hairstyles. You said they looked like they could take a little light playing, it's not a toy box in a Dr's waiting room it was as you say handmade merchandise belonging to the shop owner. No wonder she lost it

Why are you trying to make yourself a victim here?

You took young children into a shop which you quickly realised it was again full of very valuable things and allowed them to play with the goods, leaving them damaged.

You should have paid for the goods and learned not to let children play with stuff in shops unless you want to buy it.

French, English, Ruritanian - all completely irrelevant to the fact of your DC damaging shop owned goods. Any “rant” was likely to simply reflect the bad experiences of a shopkeeper in a tourist area and tourists who take a holiday from supervising their children. If you had allowed them to damage goods in a gift shop in Cornwall the rant would likely have been about emmets not raising children properly.

Isn’t “You can look but you don’t touch” a thing anymore?

This. Have also lived in France and all the posters saying the contrary clearly have zero experience of the country and the people beyond the occasional holiday.

Your children were allowed to handle things you had no intention of buying as too expensive, yes you were in the wrong. I would say to my dc at that age “we look with our eyes, don’t touch” before going into gift shops. It’s called parenting

Smacking is banned in France, has been for years.

imvho French kids can tear about and be "naughty" as much as anyone but generally speaking, when told to pack it in, they do.

All those words to query (wrongly) whether the shopkeeper was racist (English and French are not races, they are nationalities), when you could actually have avoided this whole situation by holding both your DC hands while walking round an expensive shop.

I don’t blame the shopkeeper, she’d probably had a day full of entitled people similar to you, and for her to discover items broken that you hadn’t made her aware of before leaving the shop, was likely the last straw for her.

Another poster who hasn’t a clue what they’re talking about.

What OP allowed her children to do wasn’t accidental though. It was the result of her negligence.

And you’ll note that OP didn’t pay for all the damage her children caused. So your comment here isn’t relevant. But by all means do carry on with pretending not to understand.

You’re getting a hard time here, OP. Sounds like your kids were sitting down and you didn’t realise how fragile the items were. While they should not have handled toys they were not planning on buying, we often behave differently abroad than we would at home (different environment, language, etc) and it’s probably why you let them. I say that as a stickler for good behaviour - my pet peeve is children and adults at deli counters putting their fingers on the glass and leaving finger marks everywhere.

I’m French and been living in the UK for thirty years now. I’ve noticed French parents take great pride in their little ones sitting down nicely and being quiet. This doesn’t mean they behave well when the parents are out of sight. I remember being on an exchange trip in Austria and a lot of my friends were shoplifting and generally behaving really badly. Behaviour in French schools - including the Lycée in London - is pretty bad as well. The shopkeeper was really small minded to make the comments she made.