French shopkeeper thinks English parenting is terrible

[Turquoiseforever]

Long one sorry, but I've included details to try and give an accurate picture!

Holidaying in France currently and have had a memorable incident in a shop today that has given me some food for thought, just interested in other people's thoughts on this.

Gave my oldest kids (3 & 6) €5 each to buy a souvenir of their choice at our local seaside town. Most shops turned out to be quite bougie and aimed at adults, but saw one which looked hopeful. Had an A-frame sign outside with a plastic colourful beach windmill on it, and a rack of children's clothes. Went in and quickly realised it was again full of very valuable things. At one end was a basket of handmade crocheted teddies, handmaid kids clothing, and some wooden toys. The kids took a look at the teddies, picked one up each then sat in two kids chairs holding them on their laps for a few minutes while I had a quick look round the shelves around them. We had a look at a few other things together, for full disclosure: when we entered my 3yo picked up a very delicate cup which I quickly set down and reminded her not to do. As we were leaving my 6yo very gently pointed out a necklace to me on a very flimsy stand that started to tip over, which I caught before it fell and set upright again. They looked at a few other things without incident or touching.

We didn't spend long, said merci and went on our way. About 10 mins later a lady from the shop approached us in the street and informed me my kids had broken two toys in her shop. We went back with her and found out that the rabbit teddies they had been holding had some very thin toothpick-like sticks of wood in each ear (to shape them a bit) which had been broken by my daughters twisting the ears, pretending to give them a 'hair style'. I had no idea at all they had been broken. Obviously this is my responsibility and error of judgement, and was totally correct to be brought to my attention.

However, the lady also subjected me to a rant about how French children would NEVER pick things up in a shop, they are taught "limits", whereas all summer she has had English, German etc children visiting and breaking things and being given "no limits" by their parents. Complained we had left the place a mess and her husband had to tidy behind us, because the teddies were placed back in the basket but not sat upright as previously displayed (I had set the chairs back carefully but admittedly been distracted from checking the basket).

I pushed back (calmly!) on her generalised critique of my parenting, and she said she has just lost patience after a summer full of similar experiences and essentially admitted this lecture wasn't personal. Still, it was pretty heavy handed to give in public in front of my children and other customers.

To be clear I know I made an error. We had been in a few quite breakable shops already which required heavy parenting, and I guess I saw an opportunity for a quick relief for us all. Normally I would supervise my children looking at anything handmade, so it was a lax moment, but I did think they were just wool and stuffing and wouldn't suffer at all from light playing. Also, typically I wouldn't take my children into these kind of shops. They have never broken anything in a shop before!

I just wonder how humbled I should be. Did I just catch this lady on a really bad day? Was she a bit racist? Are french children really that obedient all the time? Should I strike it off as a bad day and move on without too much thought, or do I take the criticism on board more strongly and accept I should be stricter with things like this and re-evaluate my parenting?! Do we really have much lower standards in the UK?

It's a shame, we've had a lovely holiday but now I feel like we're not that welcome here and have been judged/looked down on in general. Do we really have a terrible reputation in France?

I’d be shouting at them myself if I was there. That’s completely out of order 😳

What would you of said? Please come to my library And do it!

We need you to sort these lazy parents and there feral kids out. 🥰🙏

I don’t understand your comment tbh
but if I was in a library and kids were throwing books about I’d tell them to stop throwing books about

A kid was sticking his hand in the water in an Aquarium once right next to his mum whilst she did nothing. I told him to take his hands out or he’d infect the fish and kill them. He did

Is it so unusual

I’ve tried telling kids of only to be met with rudeness /denial from there parents /week smiles/ kid has adhd or another label so can’t help it

What do the parents say when you shout /tell of there kids?’ 🤔

please share you tips 🍿

I'm with the shopkeeper on this one. You let your children play with toys you had no intention of buying while you browsed and they broke both of them. Do you think she wants random, perhaps grubby fingered children. mauling her stock? She is trying to make a living too. I had two boys and one had ADHD and they were very active toddlers. In any shops with breakables I'd have then firmly by the hand - just like my strict Irish mother had me. She'd been a very sought after nanny and she spoke fondly of her former charges but there was no nonsense about gentle hands. She was incidentally adored by my children. My own view was that if my children broke something in a shop I'd be paying for it. It was a constant refrain for my generation, and not just from my mother, to look with your eyes rather than touching.

I agree to be honest. Shops are not entertainment centres; you look and only pick up if there's a good chance you'll buy.

I always tell my children to take their hands off soft toys in particular, as they can get dirty with people handling them all the time.

I don’t know what I do differently
Ive never had any arguments back
Kids stop and parents apologise ( if they’re there )

In a supermarket last week a kid was kicking off because they werent being aloud chocolate ( or something) . Really loud screaming I just looked at them, told them they were too loud and giving everyone a headache and to be quiet. They shut up

I don’t scream at them though
I try to explain ( in a few words )why they’re being an arse
or

Maybe I just look very scary 🥴.

Anglophobe?

Teddies with delicate ear-shaping sticks aren't toys. Or well made. And relatively pointless, I should think! I'd have taken her to task for selling toys that aren't fit for purpose - and potentially dangerous.

From your description, your kids were not badly behaved.

I think there’s two things here that stand out really.

Firstly, letting your DC sit and cuddle/play with toys you have no intention of buying while you browse round the shop is a bit off. Even if the toys don’t get broken, they’d soon be grubby if everyone did that. It’s just poor manners. I know it’s knackering trying to manage kids but you can’t just let them handle things that aren’t theirs.

Secondly, having been made aware that your DC had broken two toys, you only bought ONE. I honestly don’t know what to say. You should have paid for two - no excuses.

As an aside, not all teddies are toys, especially those that are handmade. There’s a big market for collectibles and these don’t have to pass the same standards as children’s toys - hence the thin wooden strips in the ear.

Ops post states ‘in one basket there was handmade crochet teddies, kids clothes and wooden toys’

That doesnt sound at all like adult or collectible products. That sounds like kids toys made locally not to current safety requirements

Or
They put the handmade crochet teddies with the kids stuff by mistake

I agree the display sounds confusing if the teddies were genuinely jumbled up with kids’ stuff. And in this country that would be a big issue, no idea about regulations in France.

I run an online craft group and over the years I’ve seen an absolute ton of toys that wouldn’t pass safety regulations. I’ve never heard of anyone putting sticks in a bunny ear. I have however heard of that for decorative items.

It sounds as if OP might have just assumed they were toys - no mention of any signage indicating either way. But she does say everything was very expensive which is usually also the sign of a collectible rather than a toy.

I was mainly referencing points made by PP that teddies that are fragile are pointless - which isn’t correct if it’s a collectible. That should have been made clear in the shop though.

Unless we're in a toy store I would tell my kids to look but not touch. And I would be very strict about this. It's about respect for the shopkeeper and their goods. Mine always obeyed because I would leave immediately if not. Neither French nor English but from what I have witnessed having lived in both countries I would def say that French parents are stricter with their children. Lax parenting is very much frowned upon in all socioeconomic spheres. British, American and Scandinavian parents tend to have a more relaxed attitude to parenting.

But even if they had been sturdy toys, her DC still shouldn’t have been touching them.

All of this. I live in France and French kids are definitely expected to behave when with parents/teachers etc. How they behave as ados out on their own is different.

Culturally, the French will tell you off if they think you’ve infringed a rule. When I first arrived, I went to a large shopping centre and politely (imo) started off my interaction with a staff member using ‘excuse me’, which is what I did back in the UK She stared at me, said ‘bonjour’ several times until I finally got it and said it back. She totally schooled me in French etiquette! Lesson learned.

The OP WBU …. I can’t believe she let a 3 year old, in particular, roam and manhandle soft toys. Even the most robustly made teddy would soon be a sticky mess after having passed through multiple kid hands if all children did that.

I hope you paid for the items. You used her shop to let your children play with items, sit down and bought nothing. I would think you were rude.

PS I am neither English or French

You think that was behaving "badly"? Wow

Bloody hell the people here on their high horse! They're small children, doesn't seem like they went out of their way to purposely break something. They're most definitely not bad children, nor is it bad parenting- it was a mere accident and it has been resolved. Shop keeper sounds very OTT (who on earth would expect customers to set a bunch of teddies in a basket, uniformed for the next customers?). Shop keeper-rude, dont let her put u off of visiting. I think the kids sitting down and waiting and not running around/shouting shows that there is no bad parenting here. Chances are they either didnt know they broke the bunny ears, or realised and was scared so put it back. It's what kids do sometimes. Put it to the back of ur mind and dont let some miserable judgemental bint ruin what has been a lovely holiday

It was bad parenting. Small children need boundaries and guidance. Taking teddies and playing with them, with no intention to buy? How entitled and rude.
On entering the shop, if she could see it wasn't suitable, she should just have left. Or held their hands while they looked.
High standards of behaviour is not being on a "high horse". It's enabling your child to function successfully and effectively in the world.

We were in France recently with our four year old for the second time. I was amazed at how the French children just sat at tables in restaurants (looking extremely sullen!) without any entertainment, colouring etc. my DD is great at restaurants but we always take some colouring for her while she waits. Then I saw a parent openly smack her daughter in a restaurant and I thought, well that’s probably why they’re so well behaved! We saw another example of a parent screaming in her child’s face. Not things I’ve really seen in the UK. I’m not saying all parents do that, but having spoken to French family and friends they were not at all surprised and said French parents are a lot more disciplinarian.

i guess to answer your question, if the teddies looked delicate I probably would have told my daughter not to pick them up at all but it’s really hard to tell and it doesn’t sound like your kids behaved outrageously or anything!

They didn't behave "outrageously" so it's ok?
That's a low bar for children.

No I don’t think you can say that - I wasn’t in a touristy area and no evidence of English.

My point was that in the UK you’d likely be greeted with “let me help you with that” rather than being barked at. She was stood there doing nothing it’s not like she was run off her feet. And yes normally I do put clothes back on hangers after trying them on - can’t recall why this time was different.

Chill out!

Not “running around and shouting” in a gift shop is an extremely low parenting bar for behaviour.

Did you pay for the items your children broke?

She’s right.