Are the teenage years that bad for everyone?

[Fluck]

Pondering this tonight. All mine are still in primary school and the eldest has just turned 10, I was thinking yeah I’ve had some hard times but it’s never been that hard. I keep telling myself the teenager years and going to be awful and hard but are they bad for everyone? Does secondary school / teenage really change a child so dramatically? It’s a bigger worry now my eldest is heading into Y7 soon and I feel like I’m bracing myself for the awfulness to come.

Has anyone had a relatively easy time with a teen?

Get your kids into a sport that they like playing. It will occupy them for long periods at weekends and summer holidays instead of hanging around shopping centres etc.

Love the teenage years. Love seeing how they are growing and maturing. We have very few disagreements and absolute love being around them both…. Presently 16 and 13

I have a 14 year old (15 next month) DS and an 18 year old (19 at Christmas) DD. Yes, it can be pretty bad! There’s hormones, there’s relationship issues, there’s ’I bought that coke so it’s mine’ even though I didn’t bother telling anyone or marking it in any way, and ‘I want designer trainers for school’ (that are definitely not allowed). That said though, it can however, also be pretty good, u usually when they’re far away from each other! Both are affectionate, loving, generally great kids. One is going to a great Uni, top in the country for her subject, the other gets very high grades and overcomes his challenges so well (both kids are autistic). Overall they are amazing people I’d be glad to know if they were not my children (which is surely a good litmus test?)

So, OP, thee answer really is…. Yes and no 😂 Depends on the kids, the situation and your definition of ‘that bad’, some days mine fight constantly and others they’re angels, just like most kids I guess. They’re not kids as in ‘children’ anymore, and I guess I should say ‘people’ not ‘’kids’ but they’re my kids so I hope any readers understand.

No, the only age range I had difficulties with was newborn - 2 yrs old.
Teens were fun and really had the spark... both were boys.

Eh?

I’m glad your boys are lovely but you are naïve if you think this is a boy/girl thing!

I have friends who have had awful times with teenage daughters and friends who’ve had awful times with teenage sons 🤷🏼‍♀️ (And friends who’ve had easy times with both). Mental health problems, school refusal and criminal behaviour can happen whether your child is male or female.

17 year old. She is the loveliest person but it has been so so difficult due to her mental health. Barely a day has passed in the last four years where I haven’t worried about her. She is getting better slowly but I miss those carefree days of youth all the time. She was so happy pre-secondary school :(

I’d do 0-4 years again very, very happily if I could do that instead of getting my two through the rest of their teenage years, especially the eldest (16 and 14)

Mines an argumentative knob. Upside is though he now sleeps through the night... And day... so as I'm not sleep deprived he's easier to handle than a toddler

Massive highs and lows. I couldn't imagine doing it again and again with a large family!!!!

DD is turning 18 in a couple of months, and honestly, she's been a delight throughout.

Yeah, she's sometimes monosyllabic and you could power Britain with some of her eye rolls over the years, but she's never been outright rude.

The only real worry she's given us is that COVID broke her a little bit, made her rather socially anxious for a few years, but she's come out the other side of it in the last few years.

Dd who is a couple of months off 16 is a delight! Funny, kind and thoughtful and independent
. Never had a moments bother off her. Dd12 a few weeks in to her first year of high school has the odd rude or lazy moment but it doesn’t last and never anything major. I’m pretty quick to correct when it does happen. Definitely isn’t a given that it will be awful

My eldest was hard in her teenage years. Really rude to us, also had horrendous mental health and would have the worst breakdowns. Was really needy, jealous of her siblings, had a terrible relationship that always had drama, lied alot. My second has been really quite easy. Thirds just going into teen years so we will see how this goes.

I was a badly behaved teenager so I braced myself for my own teenagers.
Apart from just teenage strops I consider myself very lucky. They all had a good social life,went to excellent schools,great Universities and are all finding their path in life.
Edited to say ,with teenagers just pick your battles,I was pretty laid back as long as they were safe .

I think teenagers get such a bad rap. DD, 19 has always been a delight, we got through secondary fairly unscathed - a few friendship issues in year 8/9, but nothing drastic & we had Covid to deal with as well - a year before GCSE’s. I think it helped that she had a sporting hobby outside of school to give her focus, mix with others & learn about teamwork.
They definitely need more emotional support from you & its hard to know when to let them make mistakes & when to step in, all part of growing up. Maybe we have been lucky, but just be there for them, listen when they want to talk (which is often at the time you least expect it & not when you feel like it!).
As a previous poster said, the hardest part for us was letting go - I was emotionally wrecked when she first went to Uni, but she comes back frequently & still wants to come on holiday with us- long may it last!

It just depends on the teen really. Some get through the teen years with very little moodiness and combativeness and others don’t. Then there is the extreme where they completely rebel and go off the rails. I feel like I’ve had it bad with DD, but realise in comparison to some I haven’t. She just went to bed one night around 11/12 years old and woke up like Kevin the teenager. Went into a proper emo stage until she was 14. She’s nearly 16 now and is a lot better, will do things with us from time to time without sucking the joy out of it and moaning and arguing. She still has her moments with arguing, but she doesn’t push it too far and is never actually outright rude to me, combative yes, but she does know where the boundaries are and doesn’t cross them but will go to the very edge sometimes. I was a pretty compliant teen, but that was more to do with my mum being really toxic and me being mentally scarred by her behaviour (not saying for a minute that easy going teens are that way for this reason!) I was never allowed to be “normal” and be a bit hormonal and grumpy as my mum wouldn’t tolerate anything other than me constantly being in a good mood, fully participating in everything, never moaning, being present and out of my room the majority of the time unless sleeping or reading etc. I do chuckle at those parents who think their “good” teens are something to do with their great parenting and the grumpy ones are like that because of lesser parenting. It really is the luck of the draw and how hard the hormones hit in the vast majority of cases.

Yes, the problems are much, much bigger.
Keep communicating and keep showing them you love them, when they come out the other side, it's lovely.

In my last year at Secondary school, my class seemed take exception to me. They were convinced I was a lesbian, I wasn't at the time. We had a common room. I had lovely friends in the year below, we would sit near the radiator outside talking about rock and putting patches on our battle jackets. Whenever I walked back into the room the ring leader would say "here comes Magera, backs against the wall" it still makes me chortle. 😂

Sorry, late to the party & I haven’t read all comments so this may have been said. My biggest advice would be to spend time with them. Choosing their company is a great gift to them, just as it is to anyone. Go for coffee/shopping, watch sport/music, etc. go for a walk & lunch etc. Keep having family days out if you can - sometimes their choice, sometimes yours. Have dinner together. Spending time with you is how they learn to be adults & you can chat about all sorts of things - sex to nail varnish, the latest funny TikTok to politics. I really enjoy the company if my teens &, whilst I accept that I’m last resort when none of their friends are around, they seem to like mine most if the time. You’ll row a lot, but if you can balance it with time together you’ll find you enjoy it & thru respect you & your views more.

I'm 73 & would hate hate hate to wake up & find out I was a teenager again. When you are desperate to be your own person but don't know anything although you think you know everything. I left home at 18 (much to my parents' surprise). There was nothing remarkable about my teenage years - I loved my parents & many siblings but...🙂

My DS14 has mental health issues and has been out of school on-and-off in years 8 & 9 (now has an EHCP and a 1-1 tutor). He was so different as a younger person, he used to be so happy. DD is 11, I can see her changing as puberty has gone full-on, she gets upset and angry and doesn't know why. She's still friendly and quite clingy, but I anticipate this changing.

I've 3 children. Eldest daughter is 15. Other than a bit of attitude here and there i don't have major issues, however my husband goes from zero to 100 with her and they're often screaming at each other to rhe point I usually deal with her. I know when she's hormonal and give her a bit more space but we generally get on well.

My son is 13, and he's promised me he'll not be a grumpy teen 🤣🤣🤣 and to be honest we have thw same battles daily. He forgets everything except his xbox so once he's been reminded to bring down his dirty washing, to brush his teeth etc he's OK too.

My 9 year old daughter (could be thw red hair!) Is an absolute nightmare. Her hormones are allover and she rages at everything. Im not sure we're both going to survive the next 10 years 🤣🤣🤣

This is my worry. DD starting Yr 9 and has been completely smooth sailing up until this point but I've heard that Yr 9 is a tipping point for many so I'm holding my breath!

Well of course it depends. My DD (now 20) was fine. Covid didn’t phase her she was totally happy working from home on the computer all day not seeing anyone. A bit of friendship drama in Y8, but her behaviour was fine. She worked hard at school. Never had a rebellious phase and is doing very well at uni.
My son however. The usual dabbling in drugs and drinking to excess and girlfriends and parties and blowing his exams. Covid was a disaster for him. Just left school for a vocational college but couldn’t do the vital work experience, couldn’t make new friends, and the gym, which kept him sane, all closed. He went from being a happy go lucky charming boy to becoming a very angry, quite insecure and destructive young young man (his father died when he was small which doesn’t help). He did have therapy at one point.
He’s 22 now and he’s been improving since he turned 20. He’s lived on his own since 18 and has been adulting since then. He has had the same job since college, part time then full time now and is very responsible. But my god he aged me.

Mine is 19 and has been good all the way through. The baby years were awful though.

My children were not particularly difficult as teenagers. I actually liked those years.