Are the teenage years that bad for everyone?

[Fluck]

Pondering this tonight. All mine are still in primary school and the eldest has just turned 10, I was thinking yeah I’ve had some hard times but it’s never been that hard. I keep telling myself the teenager years and going to be awful and hard but are they bad for everyone? Does secondary school / teenage really change a child so dramatically? It’s a bigger worry now my eldest is heading into Y7 soon and I feel like I’m bracing myself for the awfulness to come.

Has anyone had a relatively easy time with a teen?

I loved having teens. Yes, they are squirrelly, but what they aren't doing? Getting snotty, crapping their pants, bugging you whilst in the bathroom. There're MANY more upsides than down.

Half way through the teen years here and so far so good. (Touch wood)

Not at all. Some moods, eye rolling, one word replies etc but they wouldn’t have dared speak to me disrespectfully, slammed doors or shout. I always encouraged them to be independent but they weren’t allowed to hang around the streets at night. Their rooms could be very untidy but I don’t think that’s a big deal so didn’t make a fuss about it. I cannot understand people who say it’s normal to have their teenagers swearing at them. It’s not.

My hardest child at the moment is 8!

I have a 15 year old boy who is a delight.

Mine are 15, 17 and 23 and honestly they have all been grand. There have been some issues over the years with one of them avoiding school and the usual teen drinking etc but thats to be expected and they were all much more sensible than their Dad and I were when we were teens. They are all great company and we enjoy spending time together.

Adam is to blame.

i’d judge Susie more than Jenny. She is either clearly very naive / ignoring whats in front of her.

jenny may not have known she was pregnant. I don’t think she should have left the baby for a month but maybe saw it as a chance to reconnect with Adam and build the relationship that she believed he was coming back for. Did she even know about Susie in between? As for sending the email well she wanted his parents etc to know and if he hadn’t been lying and keeping it a secret she wouldn’t have had to.

i hope he steps up and supports his child but both woman especially Jenny should have more self respect and walk away from anyrelationship with him. Susie might be stupid enough to give him another chance. Which one are you?

No. I have boys ❤

My sister and I were absolute fucking nightmares, I was by far the worst. I really didnt appreciate what an awful time I gave my parents, until I was a parent myself. I have 3 DC, one is mid teens and the other two are primary aged. I have barely had a bump in the road with any of my kids, so far I have been incredibly lucky, but I know that could all change any minute!

Mine have been pretty easy since babies tbh and they are now 17 and 20. Dd was a little bit tricky at times around the 15-16 stage and ds can be a bit ranty on certain subjects at the moment, but honestly not too bad at all. The vast majority of the time they've been really good company. Neither of them has ever shouted or sworn at us or got into trouble of any kind.

I largely got lucky with DD, but as a mum and someone who works in secondary school, I can tell you that Year 9 is an absolute shitter for teenage angst, tomfoolery and friendship/relationship issues - especially with girls.

I have pretty much enjoyed all of the teen years so far (16 and 18 now). Have had the one instance of a bit too much to drink but they learnt from it and have always been sensible regarding sex, drugs and all the other potential pitfalls. Both work hard at school and are genuinely my favourite people to spend time with.

it isn’t easy as such as the worries and consequences of poor decisions get bigger but I found it far more rewarding than the baby, toddler and primary school stages.

Never had any problems with my 4 in their 20s now

DD is nearly 14 and knock wood , it’s been pretty smooth sailing so far. In fact, I really enjoy her company (she’s really funny) and she still seems to enjoy mine. Long may it continue .

TBF the baby/early toddler years were absolutely awful and brutal, so hopefully the universe is making it up to me now.

Honestly for me, I have two older sons 18 and 17, both lovely boys, but the 17 year old likes to go out, started drinking with friends and comes home midnight sometimes, it’s been challenging, but he did amazing in his GCSE so I’m being told he is having a last mad summer before college
ive not enjoyed it, but I hope it will get better, I feel I have bought them up well with good morals, but answer to your question, yes they change, they have a lot to navigate… relationships, exams, school work, career choices, family time, friends time, money, it’s a lot for a teenager, all I feel you can do is support, give them space, let them know you love a care for them, not just saying it, showing it by just being present, guidance in the calmest way, and take lots of deep breaths!

Yes! But they come out the other end beautifully

I really enjoyed my kids as teens (1DD, 1DS 2 year gap). They were lots of fun and the banter was/is great. We had the odd hiccup but no major stroppy behaviour, no drugs, not much drinking and they didn't really fight. I always liked them as well as loving them. We still all like one another!

no.
But then I only have boys.
Very little in the way of hormonal behaviour.

Yes, some drinking etc, but really, we had it easy.

Coincidence or not, but DH and I were both 'easy' teens.

I'm surprised at the 'but I have boys' comments. I've taught teenagers for 30 years and teenage boys can be a nightmare. I've always found the girls much easier. I teach in a girls' school now, and the behaviour problems are much less bad.

Well unless my youngest goes completely off the rails in the next fortnight I've completed the teenage years x3 and I've been lucky enough to have encountered no major issues. Instead fact I have really enjoyed it and found the teens to be much more enjoyable and easier than the early years. So no, it's not terrible for everyone. I really like most of the teens I coach at our sports club too and my DC's friends were all really nice. Whilst there is obviously a wide range, in my experience at least, there are plenty of teenagers who are not particularly difficult so don't automatically assume the worst.

This summer has been pretty rough DD is 13 almost 14 it happened overnight it’s the attitude.

Has anyone had a relatively easy time with a teen?

Not really, no.

DD was a lovely teen, but a horrible teen at school bullied her so badly that she ended up borderline anorexic, self harming and on antidepressants.

The amount of sleep I lost worrying about her was awful, and it didn't help that the school were pretty unsupportive. It took many years for DD to build up her self confidence.

GCSEs and A levels were stressful as well, but just about every parent has to go through this.

Oh, and then there are boyfriend/girlfriend issues to deal with as well.

My teens (two boys and a girl aged 15 to 19) are lovely. The only issues we've had have been very mild -untidy bedrooms, not getting up till midday, that kind of thing. I found toddlers harder personally.

@Fluck no it doesnt need to be terrible, it can be frustrating and they can drive you mad. But it's not like that for everyone. My kids were generally decent kids. Now 22 and 19.

Not for everyone. Mine is into a lot of sport (via school) and rides to a fairly high level, she has responsibility to care for her horses which keeps her focused. She still sees friends and goes to parties, enjoys life etc. But apart from being tad grumpy in mornings she’s a dream. DD2 11 however may not be quite so easy. 🫠

Honestly, no. Mine are 19 and 16 and great company. It’s different, with parties and dating and exam stress, but so long as you don’t sweat the small stuff, make sure their friends are always welcome at your house (even the ones you are not quite sure about) and maintain a poker face about some of their choices, it’s pretty fun ime.