Are the teenage years that bad for everyone?

[Fluck]

Pondering this tonight. All mine are still in primary school and the eldest has just turned 10, I was thinking yeah I’ve had some hard times but it’s never been that hard. I keep telling myself the teenager years and going to be awful and hard but are they bad for everyone? Does secondary school / teenage really change a child so dramatically? It’s a bigger worry now my eldest is heading into Y7 soon and I feel like I’m bracing myself for the awfulness to come.

Has anyone had a relatively easy time with a teen?

I think it is totally dependent on personality and circumstances. For me the teen years have been by far the worst but that's because my DC has had quite serious MH issues, difficulty attending school and has an eating disorder so it's been a time of huge worry. It's very hard to see your child struggling so much and it being difficult to make things better for them. Other parents I know have sailed through the teenage years and enjoyed having more time to themselves.

My two were always delightful and never a problem. On the other hand, I was pretty wild.

I have three teenagers and a 20 year old.

Some people go through the mill with teenagers, but mine have been great by and large - the stresses have been entirely my own internal issues (worrying about what could happen/ worst case scenarios etc ). There's some sleep deprivation in terms of waiting up, but again often my own "anxiety" not feeling able to sleep until I know they're safe, despite the fact that they are getting lifts home and haven't overstayed curfews (I have to be up early).

The teenagers themselves are nice people.

I had one very poor sleeper for many baby/toddler/ preschool years and the nearest family support was an hour and a half's drive away and unable to manage all the children at once (though I was very grateful for a night each school holiday when she had the poor sleeper for a sleepover, and the others for a couple of days a week before or after) for me the teenage years are easier than chronic sleep deprivation in the early years.

Mine are nice, they are 15 and 16, they can be a little self centered and lazy but that's about it. I think teens are underrated, their friends are nice too.

Mind are 14 and 16. Lone parent. We laugh alot, we do get on well, ourlitttle family of three. They are v gym focused. Bike focused.
A few issues with vaping, but nothing major.

Its my favourite stage so far. The toddler years were horrendous!!

My dd is 15 and lovely. My youngest hasn't yet hit teenage years so we will see. What I would say is try to get them into a sport or interest that will give them a focus and help them now to recognise what makes a good friend. My dd's friends are lovely and the fact that she can be herself with them helps massively.

Mine are young adults now but I didn’t think the teenage years were any different to any other developmental jumps. Some boundary challenging but I recognised they were young adults with their own minds and I encouraged independence.

I think lots of parents find it hard to let go of babying their children, and they fail to see them as unique individuals with different worldviews to them. As long as you respect their changing and growing away from you, their developing adult interests and stay supportive, you’ll be fine.

Big kids big problems 😉

Ime the stakes are higher in the teens, silly or reckless behaviour can have life changing repercussions. My dd is 19yo now are absolutely lovely but 14-16yo was tough although not helped by covid.

My 16yo is the light of my life and the best human being in the world - literally. She’s always been the same. There’s no one I’d rather spend time with. Her pals have been pretty crappy right enough and treated her in a pretty rotten way this year so I know there’s a whole spread of teens out there. Hope you have an easy ride 🥰

Mine has been generally fine so far with DC16. GCSE year was grim but no teenage drama.

The teen years have been the funnest so far! I enjoy them so much. I loved my dc from the get go but didn't massively enjoy the total dependence on me, as that has lessened my enjoyment has increased.

I was a nightmare teen, and I'm constantly comparing myself at those ages with them and am continually amazed.

Never had any trouble with mine and he’s 20, hardest bit for me was letting go

The teen years were mainly pretty good. DC got along a lot better and we could have proper conversations.

Toddler years worse imo.
Depends on your kids I suppose.

I loved the teenage years. So much better than the toddler and baby years.

Parenting gets easier in one way - they are more independent- but any problems get bigger and less solvable. But I always liked seeing them get older and develop into young adults.

It’s been really tough in this house. Mine are 20 months apart which has been great right up until my eldest was in year 7. She turned into the devil overnight. The moods, tantrums, friendship dramas, completely off the charts. By year 9 she was coming out of it. But then my youngest was in year 7 and it all started with him. I’ve been pretty relaxed second time around but my DH and DS are clashing big time as DH will not put up with disrespect.

We used to have such a calm, loving, fun house. We are all very close. But there is now always at least someone sulking or slamming doors these days. It gets very draining.

I’m told by the time the youngest is 16 peace is often restored. Well that’s what I’m holding onto anyway!!

Depends on your kids - dc1 leaves me suicidal with despair over their abusive and awful behaviour. DC2 is a model teenager and the light of my life and everyone else they come in contact with. Had I known what life would be like with dc1 I would not have had children. Had I only had dc2 my life would be very different and I would be telling you not to worry! Same parents, same environment - genetics? Fate? It’s definitely left me believing in nature over nuture.

I have a son in the sixth form and a daughter in her GCSE years. They are my absolute favourite people in the world. Literally no trouble at all, ever - they would do anything for me and are so appreciative of everything. I wake up feeling so lucky every day. Apologies for being mushy, and I know it's not as straightforward for everyone.

Mine are 15 and 17 and funny, and lovely, and great company and amazing. I think it's a great stage. It does take up more mental energy: bigger issues, bigger decisions and the delicate balance of when to lean in and when leave it to them to make the mistakes and learn from them. But generally it's more fun and they support you too which is wonderful.

The tricky bit for us was DD at 13. MH and self harm issues, but we got through it in about 2 years and £££ on interventions and therapy.

18 & 20 now, boys. I loved it. Their humour is great.

Little kids little problems, big kids big problems.. that’s been so true in our family, they are lovely and kind DS now at 18 & 21 but my god it’s been a long 8 years.

Its not the physical part is the big emotional feelings, the girlfriends the heartbreak, in my sons case a cheating GF and then his friend took his own life etc.

They seem to be exposed to so much more drama and big stuff younger and they cope with that via you.

It’s hard but rewarding, like all ages, but I’m fairly strict so they have good boundaries and respect me.

I think it’s a bit of a lottery. Mine are 19 and 17 now. They are lovely and have been throughout their teens really. There have been times of great worry and great irritation but nothing too outrageous. On the serious side, one of ours had an eating disorder for a time which was obviously very worrying and upsetting but luckily for us, treatable with the help of a good therapist. The other one had problems with anxiety (still does but has some really good coping strategies). Both should have done WAY more work for their GCSEs, but we’re through all that now.

We’ve also had a couple of episodes of drunken puking while they tested out their limits. Both have tried weed but talked to us about it. Both of them have appallingly untidy bedrooms.

But we have never had shouting matches or door slamming. They’ve never been rude to us or sworn or shouted at us. As far as we know, they haven’t told us any big lies. They’re becoming lovely young adults whose company we really enjoy. I do feel lucky as some friends have had a much tougher time with their teens.

Hope all goes well with you and yours- good luck! 🍀

It’s awful. Deep breaths and hold your boundaries.