Are the teenage years that bad for everyone?

[Fluck]

Pondering this tonight. All mine are still in primary school and the eldest has just turned 10, I was thinking yeah I’ve had some hard times but it’s never been that hard. I keep telling myself the teenager years and going to be awful and hard but are they bad for everyone? Does secondary school / teenage really change a child so dramatically? It’s a bigger worry now my eldest is heading into Y7 soon and I feel like I’m bracing myself for the awfulness to come.

Has anyone had a relatively easy time with a teen?

What were they like as children? Did they used to fight with each other?

My teen is an absolute dream. She has her moments for sure, but none of the teenage traits many seem to struggle with. I’m really enjoying this stage with her. Seeing glimpses of the adult she will become, but also bits of the little girl she was, is lovely.

I found 16-17 the peak of the eye-rolling stage. But on the plus side, teenagers can be really, REALLY funny. Also kind and lovely; randomly generous; great company and interesting.

My eldest son is 21 now and he lost all his teenage moodiness when he went to university. He’s genuinely my favourite person to hang out with now.

My two sons are now in their twenties, and the teenage years turned out easier than I expected. Sport kept them focused, they worked hard at school, and they had good friends and girlfriends around them. Of course, we argued, sometimes it was heated and at times they seemed entitled compared to my own childhood—but really, they were just living the only life they knew. There were a few wobbles, like my youngest dropping out of his first year at uni, but he found a course that suited him better but I did worry. Even now, I still worry when they’re visiting home and out late with friends… but maybe that’s just what being a mum is, will I still worry when they are 40? Probably.

Mine was ok, he made some mistakes along the way, but I made sure I was there keeping him talking, listening, planting seeds, helping him work things out for himself, with firm boundaries around respect and treating people right while giving him the space to fail and learn.

He was an ok teen relatively speaking, but imo being a mum to a teen is more mentally exhausting and requires more skills and time than any of the previous stages. Especially exam years when they have so many pressures from school, peers, girlfriends, etc etc

challenging, but so rewarding too, especially the hugs. It was probably my favourite stage of parenting.

Parents are always told about terrible 2's it's nothing in comparison to teenagers they are half way between children and adults hormones are going crazy they now need to set their own rules

Give me my teens any day over my kids at age 2. For one, my older kids sleep a lot. I can deal with anything if I’ve been able to sleep! 😂

Hellorhardwater the sleeping of teenagers is good and also loss of speech just grunts. Harry Enfield did hit nail on head

Mine are absolutely fine. Not perfect of course but they are helpful, nice, polite and friendly people. They are sporty and active which I think helps a lot. They get all their angst out and can manage their emotions better.

I found the friendship issues and tears & moods hard going when DD was around 13/14, but it was a short phase and she has mostly been a delight. She’s 17 now and there have been no huge dramas, she works hard at school and is a sensible kid. I find her great company.

DS is 21 now. He has had a few depressive phases in his teens which were hard for everyone, but he was a good kid. We never had any trouble with him.

I was a nightmare teen - drugs, older boyfriends, truanting from school etc - so I feel like I got off lightly!!

My 17 year old DS has been awful since age 14. He was a lovely kid before that age. I mean it’s been horrific. I can’t wait for him to leave home. Still got a lovely 13 year old DS, keeping everything crossed for a better ride.

My DDs are 10 and 14, honestly not that bad. Yes there are hormonal mood swings and some arguments but I enjoy spending time with them
both and my teen is a really lovely girl.
We live in a village and luckily DD is friends with other nice sensible girls which probably helps

DD is difficult. 13. Self harm, constant fear of suicide. Moody and argumentative and one episode of coming home being sick and later found out it was due to too much weed. I am so uncomfortable with this behaviour as it’s not in my nature, it’s her friends influencing this. She is still a lovely soul tho and that’s what keeps me going. It could also be so much worse from what I see of her acquaintances.

My older kids are 18 & 16 yrs and their teenage years have been a doddle. They are relaxed, easy to talk to, they work hard and have a sunny outlook. They've never been any bother.

My teens are mostly great tbh. Two boys, currently 17 and 14. They have their moments of stroppiness and they spend far too long on their phones or with headphones on, but I think so far we've got off very lightly. They're mostly great kids, doing well at school, into sports, have nice friends, etc.

So not a teen then.

My 2 were fine DS number 1 went quiet at about 14 but came out of it at 16. My youngest son was great. He was worse before the age of 7.
They are 23 and 21 now and both are great.
Keep communication going once you lose communication it is difficult. Make sure they know that you're there for them no matter what.

It’s fine - I ve got 3 now all in their 20s . DS and DD. Usual exam stresses etc but nothing much else. We are a level headed lot so dont really do drama.

I will say though that we just missed the big SM influencing thing which I appreciate adds to the challenge now.

Girls in my opinion and experience (identical twin girls) are horrendous from around 13 , it was all falling out with other girls daily cheeking teachers smoking and drinking etc etc and we were quite strict parents although I would take back the teenage years in a heartbeat it’s the adult children we find worse than anything . Our son however never had any dramas in the teenage years probably learnt a lot from his sisters and was a bit wiser and more careful 😂

DS is 13 and so far, great. I realise I still have a long way to go though!

My youngest is 14 and ok.
Absolutely horrible argumentative and moody until she has been fed, preferably with a burger and coke and then she’s funny, chatty, and lovely to be around!
So I try not to ever let her go hungry.

Having had two teens who are much older, it’s harder these days navigating social media and friendships, WhatsApp groups, Snapchat fallouts - yes you can limit it but they do need to learn how to manage it in their lives and that’s sometimes hard.

Keep the fun. Keep the communication open. DD and I constantly send silly selfie pics and memes to each other and we have a whole family group chat on the go constantly to keep her on the straight and narrow.

Certainly not easy, but in many ways my favourite stage.

We have four kids all in their twenties now and can honestly say none of them have been any trouble really as teenagers. The very worst that happened was eldest being brought home drunk by the police for his own safety. My dd ( youngest child) had a hard time with A'levels and anxiety etc but otherwise all fine. We have never really had any of the screaming at us or telling us they hate us. maybe we have just been lucky !

My eldest is 14. The last 2 years her attitude has been awful, she only speaks to us when she wants something

Mine (14 DD) is lovely, I love spending time with her. We like the same tv shows & films so that’s a common interest and we love theme parks.

she can be moody, especially in the morning & when she gets home from school. so I just give her space and time alone when she wants it/needs it and I pick my battles.

So far she’s no interest in drinking/smoking/vaping so I’m keeping my fingers crossed it continues, but recognise it might not!