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Parenting

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Husband grabbed my daughter so hard he popped blood vessels in her arm

130 replies

Jhzf · 15/08/2025 19:40

My daughter (4) has been a little testing at times when being told no or if she is wanting attention after we have asked her to wait. She sometimes deliberately prods her dad in the private area to provoke a reaction.
Her dad has a short fuse and loses his temper easily. He is usually full of empty threats saying things like ‘I dare you’ or ‘Do it again and you’ll know about it’ but tonight he flipped and grabbed her, hard. She has popped blood vessels covering her upper arm.
I am a zero violence mum. He knows this. And this is not the first time he has hurt her in anger when she isn’t listening. I’ve spoken to him about it but honestly its like telling a child off! He says ‘yeh but she did …’ its pathetic. I’ve explicitly said ‘you want her to stop
hitting but then hit her?! What is that teaching her?!’ And he just strops off defensively.
Seriously questioning our relationship. The stress and exhausting of defusing arguments and teaching him how to parent is weighing me down. We also have 2nd daughter who is 18 months who he tells to shut up a lot too. But then of course at other times he is a fab dad and they dote on him! I’m just so conflicted and furious about his reactions today. Thoughts? Suggestions? Advice? (Photo of daughters arm attached)

OP posts:
arcticpandas · 16/08/2025 05:45

Jhzf · 15/08/2025 22:43

Firstly thank you. For taking the time to reply and for reaffirming what I already know. Let me be clear that I absolutely do not condone this AT ALL.
I should have added to the original post that Husband had already been removed from the house.
Secondly, I will be seeking medical advice straight away tomorrow regarding my daughter’s arm. Her safety, and that of all my children, is paramount.
My husband goes away with work for 2 weeks from Monday so I have some time and breathing space to figure things out properly - there is a lot of advice to take in. Thank you

So relieved to read this. GP would be a good starting point to get the physical abuse on medical records. Filing a police report will then be easier as will getting SS involved and taking it seriously. I'm not saying they wouldn't otherwise, it's just that they have to prioritise urgency. The fact that it is YOU coming to them makes all the difference in their view of you as a safe person who are having your children's best interest at heart.

EveningSpread · 16/08/2025 06:10

Me and DP were having a conversation yesterday about how awful his friend is because he tells his DD6 to “fuck off” sometimes. He’s a man child, who doesn’t deserve his kids.

Someone who is violent to a 4 year old because they can’t control themselves is dangerous.

daddysgirlnot · 16/08/2025 15:01

Jhzf · 15/08/2025 22:43

Firstly thank you. For taking the time to reply and for reaffirming what I already know. Let me be clear that I absolutely do not condone this AT ALL.
I should have added to the original post that Husband had already been removed from the house.
Secondly, I will be seeking medical advice straight away tomorrow regarding my daughter’s arm. Her safety, and that of all my children, is paramount.
My husband goes away with work for 2 weeks from Monday so I have some time and breathing space to figure things out properly - there is a lot of advice to take in. Thank you

I’m glad he’s been removed from your home. I’m sorry this has happened and I hope you and your children are ok. I agree with everything that’s been said before. His behaviour is out of order.

Arlanymor · 16/08/2025 15:25

Glad he's been removed from your home - I had hoped that you were away from the thread because steps were being taken to make you and your children safe. Glad you are being proactive and you now have two weeks to get all of your ducks in a row and make sure that he cannot hurt any of you ever again. I wish you nothing but strength in the days ahead.

Ikeameatballs · 16/08/2025 22:47

Jhzf · 15/08/2025 22:43

Firstly thank you. For taking the time to reply and for reaffirming what I already know. Let me be clear that I absolutely do not condone this AT ALL.
I should have added to the original post that Husband had already been removed from the house.
Secondly, I will be seeking medical advice straight away tomorrow regarding my daughter’s arm. Her safety, and that of all my children, is paramount.
My husband goes away with work for 2 weeks from Monday so I have some time and breathing space to figure things out properly - there is a lot of advice to take in. Thank you

Are you in the UK?

Because I don’t know of an agency that would remove your husband and not ensure a child protection assessment of your daughter was organised at the same time.

Sorry, but from this and the wording of your first post I don’t believe that your husband has been “removed”
from your home.

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