I am babysitting my niece this summer!

[LilianMarcus]

I am married but not a parent. My sister-in-law wants to go on a holiday with her husband and asked her brother if we could babysit my 5-year old niece for a week. She said she hasn't had any holiday for 5 years, OK well-deserved. My niece likes me (I could feel that as she loves hugging me) but playing with her and babysitting seem like two different things. My sister-in-law shares my niece's routine and the things she likes/dislikes BUT I still feel that there are boundaries that I can't cross as a babysitter! Any tips and advice?

Try & get out of the house as much as you can, but also dont feel guilty about sticking her in front of Moana for 90minutes.

When is the week? Can you do a trial overnight before then? Has she ever stayed at your house before? Or are you at their place?

I think you need to ask her to be very clear with her expectations. She shouldn't expect you to do everything exactly as she does, this should be something of a holiday for the child too.

Ask her for any strict boundaries (eg food, technology etc) but don't agree to stick to a certain schedule.

You and your partner will be the responsible adults in charge of her wellbeing. You have to do whatever a parent would do.

Telling her it’s bedtime, making sure she brushes her teeth. Don’t feel you have to tiptoe around a 5 year old just because she isn’t yours.

You can fill your days with things like park visits, cinema, soft plays, swimming, movie, crafting.

Make sure you’re not the one doing the majority of the care. This is your partners niece and mainly his responsibility. Seeing how he takes control of this week and how much effort he puts in with give you a window into the future if you decide to have kids together.

Also, why is your nieces mum going on holiday for the first time In 5 years and not taking her own child? Surely if she hasn’t had a holiday that means her child hasn’t either.

A week is a long time for a 5 year old to be away from her parents.

Have you agreed and know when it’s happening? What’s the longest you’ve spent with her?

You make it sound like you’re being bounced into it because they feel they deserve a child free week. They can have a holiday which includes their child, it’s what most of us do.

Establish that different houses have different rules. I always tell my kids that before I play date - they abide by whatever the adult in charge says. Saves the confusion of why they can / can’t do the same thing with different people.

Agree with getting out and doing stuff but sitting in front of a film for 90 minutes isn’t a given. My 6 year old wouldn’t do that.

asked her brother if we could babysit my 5-year old niece for a week

surely your husband, her uncle, will be doing most of the care

it is a touch more than “babysitting”

do you know the child? Ever cared for her before? Your husband? Have you any experience with young children?

Hmm I wouldn't have left my 5 year old for a week with a sibling whilst I went on holiday, she would have struggled without us there. Is this child used to being left with others overnight? For more than a few days?
Have you already said yes?

That’s a big ask! If the rules boundaries are rigid then I’d probably either say no, or I’d say I wasn’t happy with them. Good luck!

Yes, since she asked her brother I’d expect him to be doing the legwork and prep but it will nice for you to join in with the fun bits.

What is she into? He should ask them to bring favourite toys and what her routines are.

What’s the longest you’ve ever had her on her own before? It wouldn’t be fair on you or more importantly the child if you went from basically nothing to a whole week. Presuming you don’t already have her overnight frequently then I’d probably offer a weekend. A week means it won’t be just playing and you will have to do all the parenting stuff like enforcing bedtime, teeth brushing, planning activities, homework if it’s during term time etc. etc. What about your jobs, can you do them around caring for a 6YO and potentially the school run? Then of a weekend goes then you consider if you’d be up for a week next year.

Be prepared for her to get upset and miss her Mummy and Daddy. A week is a long time without your parents at 5 years old.

You sound like a kind and generous person OP, but if my SIL had asked me to do this there would have been a very short conversation involving the word "off". A week is a long time to look after a 5 year old especially when you're not used to it. It will be extremely hard work. And are you being expected to take time off work to faciliate your SIL's holiday. Even more importantly, it's potentially traumatic for the child so you may well have a very distressed little girl on your hands for at least some of the week.
My advice would be to say no. At the very least you need to have her overnight first and see how it goes. Then maybe a weekend, with the parents staying reasonably close by so that they can come to the rescue if things go belly up.Where are they planning to go for this week - will it be abroad? Do you and your husband feel equiped to cope if your niece is ill or has an accident whilst her parents are a long way away? Personally, we never asked anyone to have our children overnight when they were little unless it was an emergency. My ILs slept over at pur house once when we both unavoidably had to work on the same night but that's it. I know other people feel differently but I think most people would agree that whole week is far too long when it doesn't sound like you and your husband look after the little girl on a regular basis.

Not having a break in five years - uh yea that’s what being a parent is!
I echo @DaisyChain505says - your partner needs to to be just as active here.

Agreed. My eldest is 7 and super close to her uncles, aunties and grandparents but I've only successfully been able to leave her for a NIGHT with her grandparents recently. Lots of children like to sleep in their own beds and their own bedtime routines etc. 5 is little, a week is very long at that age.

OK!

Are they relaxed parents - Mc Ds, messy play, dvd - types or organic home cooked food, ironed cotton dresses, directed learning activities, no screens types? You (collectively) are doing them a favour you don’t need onerous rules to stress you out. Will you get support from other family members to get a break? Are they offering any cash to help fund activities?

A week is a long time for a child. You need to build up to it. I'm having my niece for a weekend in November. We did a few 4 hour visits. Then, a few 7 hours. Then an overnight where she got upset and wanted to be picked up and to go home. Then an overnight that she managed to sleep but was picked up at 9am. We are working towards the weekend. I understand that SIL wants a holiday but I a distressed child ist going to be fun for anyone.

She's too young to be left with you for a whole week frankly.

In your opinion. It is fine for a lot of parents and a lot of 5 year olds. Though I wouldn’t go from no overnights straight to a week. I would work up to it before then

Maybe her husband, the uncle, and the OP, the aunt, will be jointly caring for the child?

At 5 years old, this is, IMHO, far too big an ask, both for you and their child.

I am assuming it is an overseas holiday? I cannot imagine being in another country to my young child and unable to be there quickly (god forbid) in an emergency.

Also, my child would enjoy the family holiday, so selfish on two counts.

However if this is a ‘done deal’ then I would expect to be given a good idea of what their needs are and how things are done for her, so she isn’t going to be unhappy x

My tip is say no! I'm a loving and involved auntie, but one overnight is my absolute maximum babysitting stint.
ETA that my nieces are 7 and 3. Maybe as they get older I will be able to have them for longer!