I am babysitting my niece this summer!

[LilianMarcus]

I am married but not a parent. My sister-in-law wants to go on a holiday with her husband and asked her brother if we could babysit my 5-year old niece for a week. She said she hasn't had any holiday for 5 years, OK well-deserved. My niece likes me (I could feel that as she loves hugging me) but playing with her and babysitting seem like two different things. My sister-in-law shares my niece's routine and the things she likes/dislikes BUT I still feel that there are boundaries that I can't cross as a babysitter! Any tips and advice?

Make sure you have her favourite toys, play activities and books.
Bedtime reading/stories are special. 😁
Get creative too.. find your inner child. 👍
Have FUN!

thanks for the tips / advice

In 2 weeks time. that's a good idea - trial overnight to see if I'm qualified! she hasn't stayed overnight before and it's going to be at my place

they have a family of 3 vacations before but decided it's time to have a "couple vacation" this summer.

I haven't agreed, it's happening in 2 weeks' time and the longest I've spent with her is a day at her place. They have a family of 3 vacations before but decided to have a "couple vacation" this summer.

yes we go over to her place at least once a month but haven't cared for her other than playing all day with her! my husband can definitely help but he relies on me since he has zero experience. I don't have experience with young children as young as my niece but used to work as a volunteer in a youth club when i was at university (donkey years).

If she’s had 3 hols in the last 5 years why does your original post say she hadn’t had any holidays in the last 5 years?

Shes taking the piss frankly. Your dp is taking to piss - it won’t be him getting up in the night to comfort an inconsolable child who just wants her mummy - it’ll be you. And she is likely to have moments where she is absolutely inconsolable.

What happens if you don’t agree, will they take her with them?

I think going from playing with her at her home for a day to having her at yours 24/7 for a week is completely barmy and a recipe for disaster. I can’t understand why your partner would even consider it.

They can’t just decide they’re owed a child free break for a week and assume you’ll have her. Parents arrange bullet proof childcare for things before committing time and money. It doesn’t sound like they’ve done that.

You can and should say no.

They've "decided" to do this without having actually secured your agreement first? And is their plan, if you decide it's too much, to use guilt and emotional manipulation to force you into doing something you don't want to? Or do they have a backup plan? They sound like massive CFs. It's very rare for parents of small children to ever get a child-free holiday but the process is (a) have a single overnight with a willing caregiver to see how it goes. (b) if that is successful withno undue distress, ask for (or be offered) a commitment to doing it for longer and then (c) make a booking. They have made a booking without bothering with (a) or (b). They definitely do not "deserve" (ie have an arrogant entitlement to) this.

But you have zero experience with 5-year olds who are very different from kids going to a youth club. Did your DH consult you before saying yet to his sister?

This is a huge red flag and the fact you don’t see it is scary.

“My husband can definitely help but he relies on me since he has zero experience.”

Your husband is the one doing the favour looking after his niece it is his responsibility and you are the one who help him out.

He’s not an incompetent child and don’t let him use the excuse that he doesn’t know what he’s doing to dump the majority of the childcare on you.

If he isn’t competent enough to look after her alone he shouldn’t have said yes. His attitude now is a look into your future if you decide to have children.

It isn't rocket science, he doesn't need experience to keep a 5 yr old fed, watered, clean(ish) and entertained for a few days, it's pretty basic.

If you don't take over and do it for him, he'll work it all out all by himself and it will be a special bonding time for him and his niece.

It might not be rocket science, but naivety can be pretty dangerous or at least pretty fraught l.

You can’t assume she is safe near a road or body of water, that she’ll eat whatever is put in front of her, that she’ll go to sleep when you say ‘bedtime!’ like a kid on TV. You can’t leave her with an ipad and assume she won’t be on it for the next three hours (or think that’s ok). You can’t assume you can leave her unsupervised in a different room or at a playground while you’re not looking, as you don’t know her well enough to predict what that particular child will or will not do (run off, try to escape, take physical risks, put choking hazards in their mouth etc.)

One of my kids would have been fine with staying with a relative they didn’t know well. Two absolutely would not have been, and been beside themselves and very hard to sooth, not fall asleep unless exhausted and awake multiple times at night. One was a bolter, at five and would run across the road without warning. Another had no safety awareness at all for climbing at that age (still really young). My in laws used to ‘babysit’ and they simply didn’t supervise enough as they didn’t think it was necessary, and honestly on one occasion my child could have easily been run over due their lack of supervision, but they just didn’t get it (that was the last time).

You both need to ask way more questions about what’s expected and how this will work.

@BananaPeanutToast If either of them don't know to keep an eye on a 5yr old near water, at playground then they are seriously incompetent and neither of them should be minding. Got to assume they are not or the parents wouldn't leave their child with them for a unnecessary jolly.

3 hours on an ipad while staying at uncles for a few days - not a big deal 🤷‍♀️

If she doesn't eat what she is given, try something else. Even better ask her what she likes, she is 5 she can communicate - if she wants chicken nuggets and pizza every day for a few days - no big deal 🤷‍♀️

Remember this isn't a complete stranger child they are minding, it is their niece. They have met the child before so will have a pretty good idea what she is like already.

If I trusted anyone to look after my child I would not expect them to "ask way more questions about what's expected" I would expect them to just care for her their way while she was with them. They might not do it the way I would but its only a few days.

Why do you assume it will be the OP and not her husband getting up if the niece gets upset in the night?

Because apparently he said that she’s experienced with kids….

It’s a bad idea OP.
Neither of you has any experience with small kids, child didn’t stay with you overnight before and child didn’t stay with you at your place.

From your op "She hasn't had any holiday for 5 years"
???