I am babysitting my niece this summer!

[LilianMarcus]

I am married but not a parent. My sister-in-law wants to go on a holiday with her husband and asked her brother if we could babysit my 5-year old niece for a week. She said she hasn't had any holiday for 5 years, OK well-deserved. My niece likes me (I could feel that as she loves hugging me) but playing with her and babysitting seem like two different things. My sister-in-law shares my niece's routine and the things she likes/dislikes BUT I still feel that there are boundaries that I can't cross as a babysitter! Any tips and advice?

My niece likes me (I could feel that as she loves hugging me) but playing with her and babysitting seem like two different things

This makes it sound like you spend very little time with the child, I read this as if you haven’t even baby sat before, you have only played with her.

Looking after a young child for a few days while her parents have a holiday is not babysitting, it is full on childcare and if you have only ever been an occasional visitor playing with her for bit taking this on would be a huge mistake.

The other concerning thing is that the parents and you & your husband seem to think that having a “well deserved” holiday WITHOUT YOUR FIVE YEAR OLD is normal. It really isn’t for most people (maybe a long weekend but not a full on holiday). You need to factor in how will you deal with a child missing her parents and possibly being distressed and not understanding that it will be days before her parents return.

You may be much closer to the child than it sounds like but it does sound like may be throwing yourself into this at the (very) deep end!

Id suggest a few overnights or weekend stays before the trip so the child can get used to sleeping over at yours.

as pps have said, a week is a really long time for a 5 year old.

It friends in the relationship you have with your niece & SIL. If you are close maybe this is a natural extension of that? They clearly trust you with their previous girl.

I think that if you want to do this then it would be better if the parents were still at home so they can come and collect her if it all goes wrong. Things can go dramatically wrong very quickly if the child gets ill or something and having to cope while they are far away would be very difficult.

Not Having a break for 5 years is called parenting.
Does the fact that they are going away without your niece mean your niece doesn’t get to have a holiday.

My tip would be "do not feel you have to stick to every bit of rule and routine you are told".

Parents sometimes have overly-complex routines which work fir them but don't have any basis in actual necessity. If you are kindly providing free childcare, you do it in a way that works for you.

Aim to be up and dressed and out if the house each morning because that creates a structure. It can just be a trip to the park or library but it's good to be out. A 5yo is probably too old for an actual nap after lunch but something quiet like drawing is good. Then maybe something else active before tea time. TV is fine even if SIL is normally anti-screen, it won't do her any harm to have different rules for the holiday.

You're not just any babysitter, you're the cool aunty whom she will spend an amazing time with while mommy and daddy are away. Make it playful, make it fun. Try to connect with your inner child. Dress funny, let her try your clothes, do makeup sessions, let her paint your nails and you paint hers, go out to the parks, have a movie night, be silly. Keep some sort of a routine with meals and sleep. Have fun. She will want a cuddle and she'll miss her mummy and daddy so offer comfort. Get your partner involved as well. Being and aunt and uncle of a 5 years old can be quite fun. Enjoy x

I agree - my niece is 7 and she still cries sometimes at night because she misses mummy and daddy when she stays at my parents on her own and that’s usually only for 2 nights. We’ve got her for one night in October

You know your niece and her parents better than we do, is there something specific you're worried about?

If someone looks after our kid for us, as long as he's fed (something!), safe and happy, anything goes. He loves a day with my sister in law because she's the fun aunty!

It's the same when we look after nieces and nephews. They will be safe, cared for, happy and loved but we will do things differently to their parents but that's half the fun of it for the kids 😊

My top tips would be:

Ask all you can about the bedtime routine and do exactly what they do. Also have dinner (or give her her dinner) at exactly the same time as if dinner is late, bedtime is too. I don’t know why - you’d think you could catch up on some way but it is impossible. You will all do better if your DN is as rested as possible.

Getting out of the house is important but big things like the zoo can be harder work than you’d think so maybe just one of those and plan for an easy tea when you get home. You can do just as well with a trip to a cafe for lunch or soft play.

Trampoline parks are brilliant but there is a small but real risk of broken bones. I’d have scoffed at that before it happened to us last summer.

Don’t try to amaze the parents by getting her to eat food she won’t eat / getting her to go to bed better than she does at home. At best if you succeed you will annoy the parents but most likely you will not succeed and will have unsettled the child.

Don’t change the child’s name for her mummy (looking at you MIL!)

Get in all her favourite foods for main course (eg pasta bolognaise) but go easy on the sugar - of course do nice puddings but a little goes a long way.

A weekend away would be fine, but not a week. Is your husband taking annual leave so he can look after his niece (if this is during the summer holidays)? Don’t use yours. Is sister in law sending you enough money to cover her daughter’s food, days out etc? I wouldn’t have said yes to a week.

Not putting this on you Op as it’s not your fault your SIL has asked you - but I’d never leave my 6yo with someone else, even my closest relatives, for a week at this age. It’s not fair on either party. My DD is a very confident child but the most she has managed on her own at grandparents, for example, has been 2 nights. And they are just round the corner from us. Could your SIL get back quickly if needed?

They're taking the piss

My advice is to not try and be a parent. Just be a fun aunt and give her an amazing week. Look up some fun days out that she would like. Take a picnic to the park. Do you have any friends with similar aged kids that you could meet up with? Do some baking. Enjoy it!

You need to know their routine and any rules they have in particular meals, bed time wake up time and screen time . How they discipline and how they expect you to discipline.

id stick to their routine as much as possible. Try to get out the house every day. I’d plan a few low key activities- park, soft play etc and maybe a bigger day out like seaside

Assuming you are going ahead, remember that young children often get up very early and can get up to mischief if unsupervised. Check your home is a safe place as you may not be used to thinking about this if you don't have children. Medicines, chemicals out if reach etc. She will find a week without her parents a very long time and so will you.

No mine neither and moana is scary apparently 😂

I think they’re CFs. Why wouldn’t they take their child with them? It’s mean and selfish. Just my opinion and doesn’t really answer your question. I would probably look after her for a weekend at most.

At 5 it really doesn’t matter that much if she gets a holiday or not, plenty of children and people don’t full stop. What a ridiculous thing to have said.

At the end of the day it’s your house so your rules. If she is doing something naughty/cheeky you tell her that’s not ok and why it’s not ok. Then if it continues she will lose tablet/tv/sweets after dinner/day outing etc

As others have said it can be full on so don’t feel guilty for putting a film on and putting your feet up.

She will be fine!!

OP, I’ve been looking after my niece for ages. She’s 7 now, but I’ve been doing it since she was 4. whenever she’s with me she treats it like a proper holiday. We watch the Taylor Swift film, just go for walks, do makeup, I style her hair, we veg and watch tv with snacks. Just have fun with her! It’s such a fun age.

Have you looked after her overnight?

I loved looking after my nieces. Being an Auntie can be great fun. A week is a long time though. Maybe suggest 4 or 5 nights

Alarm bells are ringing everywhere for me here. I was a married sister in law with no kids and we would have my husbands brothers 4 kids all the time for weekends and longer periods quite often.

Firstly it would never have occurred to me to call it babysitting, but secondly I was absolutely confident that I knew what I was doing with these kids. My house, my rules, and while ever they were with me they were as good as my own kids.

Exactly what boundaries as a “babysitter” (and honestly that terminology alone is a red flag) are you not able to cross? Without sounding mean, you seem very flaky, and not confident about this whole situation at all.

You are going to be this child’s EVERYTHING for a whole week! This means feeding, bathing, entertainment, helping with unexpected sickness, toilet issues and discipline. I genuinely don’t get anything from your post where you are ready to take on any of this responsibility.

I agree to letting your dh do most of it. If you're looking to have dc of your own then this could be a very good test to see if you'll share the load or if he dumps it all on you.

I would book some time off for after she is gone. You'll need it!

You sound very harsh.

At 5, most kids are pretty easy. They can manage toileting etc., themselves, can shower (may need help washing their hair but that's it), can entertain themselves if needs be and are great fun. OP doesn't sound flaky, she sounds like a good aunt. I call it babysitting when I look after my nieces, because that's what it is!