Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

I am babysitting my niece this summer!

118 replies

LilianMarcus · 05/08/2025 14:49

I am married but not a parent. My sister-in-law wants to go on a holiday with her husband and asked her brother if we could babysit my 5-year old niece for a week. She said she hasn't had any holiday for 5 years, OK well-deserved. My niece likes me (I could feel that as she loves hugging me) but playing with her and babysitting seem like two different things. My sister-in-law shares my niece's routine and the things she likes/dislikes BUT I still feel that there are boundaries that I can't cross as a babysitter! Any tips and advice?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Sugargliderwombat · 06/08/2025 07:46

I would say only do it if you feel you can do what you want. Movies every night, fast food for lunch, days out. I don't think 5 year olds are particularly strenuous or hard to entertain but might be hard following someone else's rules.

Welshmonster · 06/08/2025 07:48

Are you being compensated for your time by them buying food their kid likes or money for activities. Don’t put yourself in financial hardship depending on your budget.

If you have to take annual leave is your husband taking annual leave too? Be careful as it might just fall all to you.

look for free summer activities locally. The library is great.

KickHimInTheCrotch · 06/08/2025 07:51

My DS happily stayed with family for 3-4 nights at that age. My DD would not have managed this well.

I think if the parents are having a holiday they should take their children with them though. Feel sorry for the kid being dumped for a week.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting
Amotherlife · 06/08/2025 07:54

I wouldn't be impressed. In my world, having a child means including them in holidays. Still, I assume she won't be bothered too much about what you do / how you 'parent' her. Ask her mother about routines, expectations, preferred activities, lives and dislikes etc. Get her to write a full document for you.

As a parent and someone who has worked with children all my life, I'd be daunted by this, unless I knew the child very well.

NoSoapJustUseShowerGel · 06/08/2025 08:12

“She said she hasn't had any holiday for 5 years” - so take your child on holiday with you on holiday like other parents do!

VivIsBlonde · 06/08/2025 08:18

As it’s your husband’s niece and not yours, then your husband needs to step up, not you!

ThisCatCanHop · 06/08/2025 08:21

It really depends on the child. My 5 year old is fine with grandparents and older sibling for a week, though is pleased to see me and says he misses me. But he’s been doing that in the summer holidays for a few years, knows my parents very well and is very comfortable at their house.

We have only done it for this length of time so we can work - I wouldn’t expect family to provide childcare for a week’s holiday (we’ve not left them for more than 2-3 nights for a break and the longer was for a big birthday).

Littleswallows · 06/08/2025 08:26

In hindsight a weekend would have been better in the first instance.

The main thing is don't feel that your SIL is in some way is hard done by so you need to bend over backwards to her wants or pay out for lots of special trips. Do what you need to do. It is a huge, and a bit of an odd, ask.

All other families go on family holidays together - she is not in any way missing out by not having had a child free week to date (hence why its an odd ask). The only scenarios where I've heard of this happening is when couples with children already go on honeymoon.

MyDeftDuck · 06/08/2025 08:37

Right……for a start, get all the jobs done in the week before she comes to stay, shopping, cleaning etc. Then plan something for everyday…….doesn't have to cost much either, think picnics, walk in the woods etc. if the weather is bad have stuff on standby to make a den in the lounge. Get some crafting stuff from the pound shop ( a roll of plain wallpaper makes cheap drawing paper), pre bake some buns for her to decorate with icing and sprinkles……..the list is endless and you won’t have to remortgage to be able to have a great time. Trust me, do all this and you’ll be nominated for auntie of the year! Have a great time.

Rosscameasdoody · 06/08/2025 08:42

This isn’t babysitting OP, it’s full on childcare for a week. And it’s a big ask of someone who doesn’t have children themselves. Other parents take their children on holiday with them and it seems a bit entitled of SiL to ask you to look after her simply because she hasn’t had a holiday for five years. She’s a parent - why would she want a holiday away from her child.

My tip would be to discuss it with your SiL and point out that at five your niece is going to fret because a week is a long time to be without her parents. If there’s time maybe suggest that you have her overnight, or for a weekend to see how things go. Are you or DH going to have to take time off work for this - have you thought about school runs ? And if your DH has agreed to it then he needs to step up and do his share. Might be an interesting insight into how hands on he’d be as a parent.

Zezet · 06/08/2025 08:43

I don't think five is too young at all, but it depends on how the child has been raised. My three-year-old will protest if you pick her up after only three nights and she is having fun. And this is with a wide range of family including ones she doesn't know well. My six-year-old easily goes for week-long sleepover with family.

But to come back to OP's actual question: I think the main thing is that both you and the parents have to agree on, and be fine with, 'different house different rules'. Your task is to keep her alive, safe and reasonably happy, not in her routine or enable all her parents' preferences when they are not there to do the work.

It sounds like fun!

Zezet · 06/08/2025 08:49

MyDeftDuck · 06/08/2025 08:37

Right……for a start, get all the jobs done in the week before she comes to stay, shopping, cleaning etc. Then plan something for everyday…….doesn't have to cost much either, think picnics, walk in the woods etc. if the weather is bad have stuff on standby to make a den in the lounge. Get some crafting stuff from the pound shop ( a roll of plain wallpaper makes cheap drawing paper), pre bake some buns for her to decorate with icing and sprinkles……..the list is endless and you won’t have to remortgage to be able to have a great time. Trust me, do all this and you’ll be nominated for auntie of the year! Have a great time.

On the other hand, I think a five-year-old can still be perfectly happy coming along to the shopping ("pick out some cookies" "what do you like on your bread?") and it basically counts as a free activity. Same for "unusual" tasks like helping in the garden/repairing a shed/having your horse shoed/visiting other family members.

But absolutely agree with the walks and the picknick and the baking and the crafting.

Victoria39 · 06/08/2025 08:53

I am a mum of several kids ranging from a few years old to mid 20s

are you happy with boundaries you’ve been given? Do they fit in with your life? your values ? If you’re not happy then you must say or come to a compromise.

your more then a baby sitter as your a family member who would be looking after niece not a random kid & for 7 days not just 1-2 hour ..

your doing the family a favour. They chose to have a child. if family help to look after that child that’s a bonus not a given!

good luck👍

miraxxx · 06/08/2025 08:55

Do try a few overnighters before the parents go, OP. And dont be too intimidated, have fun with your niece.

BartonInthebeans · 06/08/2025 08:57

Alarm bells for me here too on behalf of the little girl, at this age this needs building up to gradually with plenty of individual overnight stays and days out together (without the parents) beforehand. Starting off from cold with a full week just sounds uncaring and I'm not sure what her mum's thinking in asking to leave her with people who aren't experienced in either general childcare or in this little girl's individual character and needs. I'm sure you'd do an amazing job but there's only so much anyone could do to mitigate the impact on the child in these circumstances.

CoastalCalm · 06/08/2025 08:58

Are you taking a weeks leave to accommodate this ?

OriginalSkang · 06/08/2025 09:11

Are you or your husband giving up a week of annual leave for this?!

Edit: Should have read to the end of the thread before posting

Victoria39 · 06/08/2025 09:13

OriginalSkang · 06/08/2025 09:11

Are you or your husband giving up a week of annual leave for this?!

Edit: Should have read to the end of the thread before posting

Edited

i have never known a man to use or take leave to do any thing like that. (Been married since 1997!)

But I stand to be corrected!

MMCQ · 06/08/2025 09:19

Parents holiday with their children. A week is too long for a 5 year old to be without their parents if that has not happened before. And have they thought through what that means to the poor child? She feels abandoned? Seriously. Give your sister in law a good talking to. Tell her to have a holiday with their children and do what everyone else does.

Iocainepowder · 06/08/2025 09:26

Great suggestion above of having her stay over at yours beforehand so it’s not completely new to her.

I would say really get to know her bedtime routine eg if it is bath, books, bed.

Agree with getting her out of the house as much as possible, but also be aware at the same time that days out can be quite expensive and add up. Are they helping you with any expenses?

Depending on what she likes to eat, don’t overthink every meal. My eldest is nearly 5 and sometimes he just wants toast or cereal in the evening.

Iocainepowder · 06/08/2025 09:28

Oh also, are you aware of how you might deal with meltdowns?

sashh · 06/08/2025 09:29

Make sure you have a letter from her parents saying you can consent to medical treatment for her.

I say this because my cousins came to stay with us for a couple of weeks (we were 10-12 years old) and one fell out of a tree and broke his arm'

The hospital wanted to manipulate (I think that's the term) his arm before putting it in plaster, they could do that as being in the best interests of the child but they needed permission for pain medication or sedation and it had to be in writing.

Things may have changed but just in case it is worth having something in writing.

PinkyFlamingo · 06/08/2025 09:34

So do you and your DH work? Are you taking time off for this?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 06/08/2025 09:39

@LilianMarcus I dont understand why sis wouldnt take the child on holiday with her??? does child not deserve a holiday too?? very selfish mum. child missing out on good memory making time with parents!!

1HappyTraveller · 06/08/2025 09:40

What has your husband got planned for when he is babysitting his niece?

Swipe left for the next trending thread