I am babysitting my niece this summer!

[LilianMarcus]

I am married but not a parent. My sister-in-law wants to go on a holiday with her husband and asked her brother if we could babysit my 5-year old niece for a week. She said she hasn't had any holiday for 5 years, OK well-deserved. My niece likes me (I could feel that as she loves hugging me) but playing with her and babysitting seem like two different things. My sister-in-law shares my niece's routine and the things she likes/dislikes BUT I still feel that there are boundaries that I can't cross as a babysitter! Any tips and advice?

She’s her aunt? They’re married? What?
I’m close with my aunts that i’m not blood relatives with? They’re still aunts..?

This. If you're feeling kind, maybe offer to take her to the playground a couple of times so he can have a couple of hours 'off'.

Tbh, I wouldn't bother asking the parents about anything except usual bedtimes and dietary requirements/issues (e.g. stuff you need to know to ensure the child's wellbeing). Your house, your rules. I'm sure you're not stupid enough to put on X-rated movies or anything like that.

Have the parents given your husband any money for trips out?

A lot of advise already on here.

For me the main thing would be what the parents expect. I have had a my son minded by friends/ family for a few hours and honestly anything goes! (These are people I trust 100% so their anything wouldn't be wild)

What I mean though is, if you say give her something like sprinkles are the parents going to go mad? Ask what their hard boundaries are. If there are too many, don't do it!

If you’ve never had her for an overnight stay before a week is a long time for the very first time. I’m a grandma who has had my grandchildren to stay overnight many times both separately and together and we see them a lot other times as well but even so my oldest grandchild was 6 before they stayed over Monday -Friday during the school holidays and they FaceTimed mum (who was just at home but working) a couple of times while they were staying with me.

OP presumably said yes to the arrangement and therefore is as responsible as her husband is for their niece’s wellbeing.

Not being blood related is absolutely nothing to do with it as she has taken up temporary responsibility for the little girl and also presumably wants to make her stay comfortable/nice/easy.
Not really the time to decide to make a weird point about blood lines.

Check out the local library for fun stuff that’s free

I would write a list weather dependent

Park - free - take a picnic
Check of any friends have 5 year olds for a meet up
Ball park relatively cheap
Library - free fun stuff or reading books
Check out your local area for fates, or fun days, usually a lot around summer - also cheap
Look at museums - free
Cinema as a treat
Bigger day out - check what’s local we used to go to a council run animal park free for adults and cheap for kids.
Start saving scraps - like tinfoil, bottle lids, egg cartons, boxes - buy some glue and make monsters

Get a large piece of wallpaper and have a painting party in the garden - my kids used to love this!

Walk in the woods - make it a treasure hunt - leaves, rubbings, stones, flowers etc - you’ll find some online

Crafts kits can but fun, teach her to sew or knit

Make sure she has her favourite toys and you know what her favorite tv shows are

Do one activity a day and have down time -

Have a bath each night - they like to play in the water.

She’ll go to bed easier.

Staying with loved and responsible relatives, not a pack of wild wolves. Plus her parents will return refreshed and better parents going forward.

But not relatives she is used staying with at all by the sounds of it. Going from
not staying at all to a full 7 days straight away to a big ask for the child and relatives.

First response nailed it in one.

I don’t know why people think kids are so unable to cope with anything?

She might be wobbly for a day or two but I bet the fun and excitement of a week long holiday with her aunt will outweigh any of that

My sister-in-law wants to go on a holiday with her husband and asked her brother if we could babysit my 5-year old niece for a week.

Why are you doing it then? If she's asked her brother/your husband to babysit and he wants to spend a week of his holiday doing that, then he should be doing it. It's hardly 'babysitting' though, is it?!

If she hasn't had a holiday for 5 years, I presume her child hasn't either, so she should be taking them with her. That's what you do when you have kids.

Unless there's a massive backstory with your SIL, leaving a 5 year old with their aunt and uncle for a week to go on holiday (abroad?) seems ridiculous to me. What about a holiday for th 5 year old?
If you are going to do this though I agree with the other who say she'll miss her parents like crazy and you need to build up to this. My niece (by marriage) hated staying away from home as a young child and often had to be picked up - we had her at ours overnight a couple of times (DD is the same age and they played nicely as children) and she got teary and homesick and was very used to us.
Keep her occupied as possible during hte day -tire her out with the park, softplay or whatever and hopefully she will conk out easily at bedtime and be so tired she wont get too upset her mum isn't putting her to bed.
It's not like babysitting for an evening though, it will be full on - 5 year olds (assume of Reception - need a lot of entertaining).

Unless you know this child well and have had her for overnights before then they are effectively dumping the poor girl on you both. A week is way too long for a 5yo.

Where are the SIL's parents and your ILs? Do they have her more often so you could split the time between you?

I hope your DP asked rather than told you about this request, and will do more than his fair share of the care?

OP, I think you will find time will go fast and there are many great recommendations on what to do. It is lovely that you and your DH are helping family out.

Exactly!!our youngest is 10 years old next month and we have only had 1 evening out without her as a couple since shes been born
We have no local family so she has never had a night away or even a regular babysitter
I would never dream of asking anyone to have my child for a week while i went on holiday.if we go on holiday she comes too

thanks for the tips

If your dsis doesn't give her chocolate, that is up to her, you are responsible for her you can give chocolate. If you want to spend a full day watching disney movies in your pjs that is up to you!

I wouldn't worry too much about boundaries. Fair enough don't get her hair cut or ears pierced but otherwise treat her as your niece, your rules while your are responsible for her.

If your dsis is controlling about minor things so much that it is causing you to worry about boundaries I'd pass on the babysitting!

Always think it is odd when parents say they haven't had a holiday from their own kids...........

my daughter would struggle to be away from us for a whole week and she’s nearly 11!

Will this be during term time? At least that might make it a bit easier that you haven’t to entertain her all day every day for a week.

If you’ve already agreed to this then there should be some overnight trial runs before the holiday if possible.

I would also be agreeing some financial input for this, especially if it’s during the holidays and you’ll need to factor in days out etc….Even if it’s not you still have to feed her, petrol money for schools runs etc. Don’t let them take the piss.

Make sure you have the conversation about likes and dislikes and her daily routine.

Maybe some activities up your sleeve to keep her busy- colouring books, stickers, a few movies, craft sets, that sort of thing.

Personally, I think you would be crazy to give up a week of annual leave for this

Yes and to add to this the OP doesn’t have children so is not experienced / used to living with young kids. It’s totally different to looking after one for a few hours!

A few things;

• get comfortable with setting boundaries and expectations - ‘this morning we’re going to….., we’re going to walk through the gift shop now but we’re not going to stop to look at the toys’ etc
• write a vague schedule for the day - am home activity / out of house activity and same for pm. TV predominately later in the day when you’re done!
• day on and day off for healthy food to make it easier
• 5 year olds love the park, a bus trip, walk in the woods, the library and all the paid for stuff obvs
• have craft stuff available for down time (as well as the TV) - paper, pencils, a mat to protect your table. Squiggle is a good game - you draw a random shape and she has to make it into something
• if you want to, create her a welcome pack - craft bits, a new book and maybe a game - stuff you can use throughout the time (The Works is great and Vinted for books).
• have a google for little games you can play with household stuff - just time fillers for here and there.

it’s a huge ask of you, but some forward planning will make it easier. I really hope she’s like my first and will play independently in her own world for a stretch, and not like my second who follows me around like a lost sheep!! Good luck.

Why is their little millstone daughter not going on holiday with her parents? She has presumably never been on a family holiday?

I took annual leave and spent extended quality time with my own niece regularly and loved it - didn't see it as a chore or babysitting.

It was usually when her mum was working during school holidays, but the reason for it didn't matter, I enjoyed it. Some do.

I think this is a huge ask from
Them. Will she be at school? Are you using annual leave for this or will parents pay for her to go to a holiday club?

I wouldn't do more than three nights. That's plenty of time for them
To have a lovely child free break

If you can, slow down and work at the 5 year old's pace. It's harder to do this when you have to get to school on time etc but if you have freedom let her take ages getting dressed etc.

Sometimes even big 5 year olds reach the limit for what they can cope with for the day and become like much younger children till they've slept. That's not really naughtiness it's tiredness / overwhelmedness / hunger. If this happens, it's time to abort your plans (where possible) in favour of food / quiet activities/ bed.

Plan phone / video calls with their parents at sensible times ie. probably not just before bedtime.