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Original poster

Anyone truly happy with two kids?

119 replies

dancethedancetoday · 05/08/2025 11:43

I don’t ask this to start a fight, I am genuinely curious and looking for a wide range of answers. Are people actually happy with two (or more) children? It seems like it’s the ‘gold standard’ that people want…but I just don’t see many people thriving with it. I was at the stage of considering a second, but honestly I am swaying towards no (however I think I always was) No one I know is really selling it! Of the 10 or so two-child families I’m close to, one seems genuinely happy, they’ve got a 5-year age gap, the kids get on well, are lovely and they seem very content. But the others are exhausted, and frankly, a bit miserable, they moan about everything:

never having time to themselves
kids constantly ill or fighting
finances stretched
being glorified taxi drivers
never having a babysitter for more than one
holidays being more expensive or hard to do/impossible
no money because of childcare costs etc
never getting time as a couple or individuals (and marriages failing etc)
not getting on with the children or the children not getting on with each-other.
never having fun because they’re always having to have strict routines etc.

The reason I am putting this to MN now is because two mums (in separate chats) recently said to me that they wish they had stuck with one! My DP is really put off by it all and keeps saying we’ve hit the nail on the head with family life! We’ve got one (primary age) and life feels good: we rarely, if ever, complain about any of the above.

So… is anyone genuinely happy with two? And if so, why? I’d love to hear a different perspective and again, I really do not put this out there to offend!

OP posts:

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Motherdoodle · 05/08/2025 11:46

I love, love, love having two and would have a third if I'm lucky enough!

It's so much easier. I love how it mellowed me out and the kids love each other.

We have an 18mo age gap.

CurlewKate · 05/08/2025 11:50

I love having two. Watching them interacting and helping them build their relationship has been one of the joys of my life. I remember with such joy the day my older one said “we” and I realised she meant her and her sibling, not her and me.

SlipperyLizard · 05/08/2025 11:52

I love having two, the older they get the better it gets, as they are company for each other on holiday or during school hols when we’re working. Two year age gap - it was really tough when DD2 was born, would not have had a third, but worth it for what we have now.

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RightOnTheEdge · 05/08/2025 11:53

I love having two. I could never wish I'd stopped at one and didnt have my gorgeous youngest. I am genuinely happy because they are both great and I love them both.

The fighting and bickering is draining and sometimes relentless though, that is true.

I don't judge people who only have one though, like some people do.

WilliamBell · 05/08/2025 11:57

I've got three and an very happy. The joy that they all bring, especially observing their sibling relationships, is immeasurable and goes far beyond a bit of annoyance at them when they argue.

There's no money or lifestyle in the world that I'd exchange for them.

More than one is definitely harder work but also much higher rewards.

You do you though, so if you're happy with one, great. But definitely no need to feel bad for parents who have more!

Thegazelles · 05/08/2025 11:57

I love having two too and would desperately like a third. I couldn't have felt content stopping at one. But there are definitely down sides (mostly financial but also the splitting time between different hobbies and playdates) and if you're happy sticking at one I would do that. Also with one me and DH could take turns at having a break whereas with two you are generally always responsible for one of them.

whispycloud · 05/08/2025 11:59

I clearly loved having two so much I ended up with five! I completely packed in my legal career to
be a SAHM and have no regrets.

Hello39 · 05/08/2025 12:00

Yes, definitely. I was very broody after having no 2...but thankfully that passed! I love having 1:1 time with them. There's a 4 year age gap and they are not overly close which is a pity but they do have some things in common.

Iftheressomethingstrange · 05/08/2025 12:00

I loved having one, love having two. I think like with anything the is good times far outweigh the bad in terms of fighting and schedules etc.

But I know if we'd stuck with one that would have been great too.

kiwiblue · 05/08/2025 12:02

I agree there are downsides of course (there is for everything), but I'm personally really happy I had two.

Reasons:

They play together really well (sure there's fighting too, but they do love to play together) - so no need to entertain them on holiday etc
They have a chance to be silly together. On the whole only children seem so much more adult. I'm not going to get down on the floor to play "moo cow" and other random games but this is so important for them to have these childish silly games and someone to do them with
There's constant compromise and this is good for them
My father recently died and I've never appreciated my brother more. So glad they'll always have each other

TheyreLikeUsButRichAndThin · 05/08/2025 12:02

I LOVED having 2. Loved it. Peak of my life! 2 boys, 2.5 years apart. It was soooo lovely. So simple and easy and cosy and fun. Lovely lovely lovely.

So much so we had a 3rd - how hard could it be? 😂 3rd, girl, 2 big brothers… what a combo. Wow. It’s a LOT. Obviously obsessed with her but my god, take the personality out of it and the workload alone is WAY more than having 2.

WillIEverGoOnHoliday · 05/08/2025 12:03

We absolutely love our two. Im happy in the sense im fulfilled in that I have them in my life. However, we're ill and exhausted. I think it all depends on circumstances and capacity. For example we're not skint as we're high earners. We are exhausted as we often get ill. Grandparents aren't in a position to help and the kids are very energetic and don't sleep well.

Were also not the relaxed type - we're into extra curricular, careful with tv time etc.. I appreciate thats a decision and I assume I youre more relaxed its easier.

I have friends who are coping very well with three but are high energy people with calm kids from big families and super careful with money.

So it tough but it really depends on your circumstances, your approach and your kids.

pickywatermelon · 05/08/2025 12:04

I love having two, 3 years apart, still occasionally wonder what it would have been like with three

Seeing the DC grow is so fascinating - their own unique personalities emerging

stackhead · 05/08/2025 12:06

2 is without a doubt harder work - then again we're currently in the trenches with 9m old DD2 and 6 year old DD1.

BUT I didn't have a 2nd child for idealic childhood type vibes, if I did it wouldn't have been a 5 year age gap. I did it for my family post childhood. I wanted more than one child to have more than 1 person in DD's generation in my family not necessarily because I wanted another baby (although she was very much wanted and loved - i'm just not a baby person).

Depends on your reasons I guess. The hard work feels worth it because we're working towards a vision (as wanky as that sounds). And quite frankly I can't wait until DD2 hits 3 or 4 and things get a little easier, scheduling wise anyway!

skkyelark · 05/08/2025 12:08

Two girls, 2.5 years apart, now 3.5 and 6, and definitely happy with two. Adore both of them, but watching the relationship between them is also one of the joys of my life.

Practically, yes, the early stages are intense because there's two to bath, dress, feed, toilet/nappies, etc., and they're not very independent (less of this with a bigger gap, of course). But that's getting much easier, and some things I've barely had to teach the younger one because she's learnt it from eldest. They also play together a lot – rainy winter weekends at home are definitely easier with two now!

I won't miss the double school/nursery drop off, though.

BemVindo · 05/08/2025 12:09

Always wanted two, had two, loved it!

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 05/08/2025 12:10

I absolutely love having two. They get a huge amount of the relationship between them and I love us being a little gang. Also, if I didn't have two I wouldn't have DS2 and he's just as amazing as DS1, so I'd be missing out.

While I think that it's doubtless the best choice for them and that's great, I don't personally envy any of the one child families I know - I find that they parent in a different, much more intense way. It was clearly less work to have one child than my two when they were tiny, but now they're a bit older (they're 7 and 4) I actually think a lot of situations are much easier because they have another child to play with rather than their parents being their sole companions/source of entertainment.

labradormam · 05/08/2025 12:11

Best thing I ever did was have a second. The bond my kids have is beautiful to see. I would hate for either of them to be an only child to be honest.

But that’s just me.

You can’t really generalise. If you’re happy with one, that’s great.

WillIEverGoOnHoliday · 05/08/2025 12:12

Just to add - ours have a 6 year age gap. I do think this makes it easier in a way as the oldest is obviously able to keep himself safe etc whilst I say change nappies or run after the baby.

However you also then have different drop offs etc, and an eldest that is used to getting their own way - its a big transition. I appreciate it must be very intense if two a close together though depending on their personalities.

MoreDangerousThanAWomanScorned · 05/08/2025 12:12

I will say, though, that if you have one primary aged child now then I think the upsides and downsides of another child now will be quite different than if they were closer in age, so it's quite a different calculation than it would have been a few years ago.

KhakiAnt · 05/08/2025 12:13

I think it’s important to remember that multiple things can be true and felt at the same time! So the long list of ‘negatives’ can exist alongside an amazing fulfilling and enjoyable life with more then one child. Everyone can complain about various different life choices and still want to have them, not want to change anything…sometimes it’s just difficult and exhausting.
I gave up my job to be a sahp and you will catch me moaning about my kids..but I wouldn’t change it for the world, it’s just sometimes challenging and hard. I would also say they are the most amazing adventure I’ve ever been on and I like myself better now then I did before I had them! You really just have to decide what you want from life and how much you are willing to compromise. That’s not meant as shade, it’s just the fact of the matter, multiple children will multiply some of the challenges, but not all of them. For example, I currently feel big respect to single child parents as I cannot imagine kids not having each other to play with when they’re off school, it would drive us all mad and make my job a lot harder.

Overthebow · 05/08/2025 12:14

I love having 2, we have a 3 year age gap and it’s perfect. One in school and one in nursery so only one set of nursery fees, close enough that they play well together and are interested in the same days out. They entertain each other a lot at home and on holiday. Many holiday packages are set up for a family of 4, as are family tickets to attractions. I definitely don’t regret it and didn’t want an only child. If you’ve already got a primary age DC though I’d think about it more as the age gap might be too big to get the benefits of having a sibling though, especially if it takes a while to conceive.

Polargrapes · 05/08/2025 12:14

I have three. Still very little and all pre-schoolers at 4, 2 and 4 months. I love it, but appreciate it wouldn’t be for everyone.

Parker231 · 05/08/2025 12:14

Planned on having one but had twins! Perfectly happy with them but definitely didn’t want any more.

MermaidMummy06 · 05/08/2025 12:16

I have two. It's difficult in some always, but most parents I know who only have one just double the activities.

DS is a couple of years older than DD so I get him to help her sometimes. Plus it's faster if there are two unloading the dishwasher. 🤣

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