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Original poster

Anyone truly happy with two kids?

119 replies

dancethedancetoday · 05/08/2025 11:43

I don’t ask this to start a fight, I am genuinely curious and looking for a wide range of answers. Are people actually happy with two (or more) children? It seems like it’s the ‘gold standard’ that people want…but I just don’t see many people thriving with it. I was at the stage of considering a second, but honestly I am swaying towards no (however I think I always was) No one I know is really selling it! Of the 10 or so two-child families I’m close to, one seems genuinely happy, they’ve got a 5-year age gap, the kids get on well, are lovely and they seem very content. But the others are exhausted, and frankly, a bit miserable, they moan about everything:

  • never having time to themselves
  • kids constantly ill or fighting
  • finances stretched
  • being glorified taxi drivers
  • never having a babysitter for more than one
  • holidays being more expensive or hard to do/impossible
  • no money because of childcare costs etc
  • never getting time as a couple or individuals (and marriages failing etc)
  • not getting on with the children or the children not getting on with each-other.
  • never having fun because they’re always having to have strict routines etc.

The reason I am putting this to MN now is because two mums (in separate chats) recently said to me that they wish they had stuck with one! My DP is really put off by it all and keeps saying we’ve hit the nail on the head with family life! We’ve got one (primary age) and life feels good: we rarely, if ever, complain about any of the above.

So… is anyone genuinely happy with two? And if so, why? I’d love to hear a different perspective and again, I really do not put this out there to offend!

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Cinnamonx · 05/08/2025 12:17

I love having none.

Fourlovelychildren · 05/08/2025 12:21

Whilst DH & I often dream about what our life would be like without any kids at all, we have four and we love it. I found having one child very difficult. She was a difficult baby, I was anxious and found myself overthinking everything. We waited until she was 3.5 before trying for a second (we knew we wanted two). Our second showed us how to relax a bit more and to enjoy it. She was such an easy baby and I loved seeing how the sisters interacted with each other, the oldest being absolutely besotted with the baby and the baby learning so much from her big sister.

We went for a third and ended up with twins and don’t get me wrong it’s hard, but I have found myself to be a much, MUCH better and happier parent with more of them to love. I’m just more relaxed and carefree. I love them all to pieces and can’t wait to watch them all grow into adults.

RimTimTagiDim · 05/08/2025 12:22

I hated being one of two and would've been much happier as an only. I'm sure my sibling would say the same.

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ByDreamyMintNewt · 05/08/2025 12:22

Delighted. Prefer it to just having one.

Now have three, which I do find trickier, but still found 1 the hardest number.

trying29 · 05/08/2025 12:23

I love having 2 - they are 2yr 9 months apart. It was hard in the trenches but it is a JOY now they are 10 and 7. If I could afford it, i'd have a third

WillIEverGoOnHoliday · 05/08/2025 12:25

KhakiAnt · 05/08/2025 12:13

I think it’s important to remember that multiple things can be true and felt at the same time! So the long list of ‘negatives’ can exist alongside an amazing fulfilling and enjoyable life with more then one child. Everyone can complain about various different life choices and still want to have them, not want to change anything…sometimes it’s just difficult and exhausting.
I gave up my job to be a sahp and you will catch me moaning about my kids..but I wouldn’t change it for the world, it’s just sometimes challenging and hard. I would also say they are the most amazing adventure I’ve ever been on and I like myself better now then I did before I had them! You really just have to decide what you want from life and how much you are willing to compromise. That’s not meant as shade, it’s just the fact of the matter, multiple children will multiply some of the challenges, but not all of them. For example, I currently feel big respect to single child parents as I cannot imagine kids not having each other to play with when they’re off school, it would drive us all mad and make my job a lot harder.

I completely agree. Even with a big age gap it can be so fun when theyre playing together. Though i think it does depend on personalities. Some siblings seem to lead very separate lives.

pinkdelight · 05/08/2025 12:25

Love having my two and they're each other best mates. Never had any trouble with them fighting. Marriage all good so far and DC are mid/late teens now. I was also one of two myself and got on very well with my sibling growing up so no problems there either. I've not come across people with two affected by the issues you list, but I can see that a person might make that list if they wanted to put themselves off having two. Assess your own situation and have the family that's right for you, if you're lucky enough to be able to make that choice.

Lafufufu · 05/08/2025 12:26

Neither my dh or i would change it.

A 3 and 1 yr old is hard. It needs more work and planning but they are already little friends and i find days out with them are generally enjoyable and fun.

Bitzee · 05/08/2025 12:26

2 with a 3.5 year age gap here and it works perfectly for us. Close enough to play together but not close enough to have any major rivalry or fall out.

We did always think we would have 3 but have decided to stop at 2 because I envisage a lot of the things you mention like time and money becoming an issue whereas they aren’t at all currently. Also now my youngest is 4 I honestly don’t think I could go back to nappies and sleepless nights!

Personally I also think I’d find an only really hard. I have just my youngest at home this week because the eldest is at a camp he can’t attend and it’s so much harder to get stuff done because he’s looking to me for entertainment when normally they’d play together.

But every family is different!

HailtotheBop · 05/08/2025 12:34

I'm glad we had two. My sons are almost two years apart and I admit it was hard in the early years, mainly thanks to sleep deprivation and the pressure on finances. Having said that, they've always been close and got on well. We were fortunate in that sense as I imagine life would have been much tougher if there'd been a lot of conflict between them. Of course there are no guarantees that they'll get on well either in childhood or when they grow up.

Ovulationstation · 05/08/2025 12:37

just want to say I am due any day with baby number 2 & all of your posts have really reassured me! OP, if you want the second go for it! Don't go off anyone else’s experience as all families and children are different x

Londontown12 · 05/08/2025 12:37

I have 2 ! Both grown up now but their the best thing I have ever done !!
I only wanted one because I have a very bad pregnancy and birth and after I haemorrhaged !
But I did end up having a 2nd I didn’t try Orr think about it I just done it and thought fate will be fate ! My kids are adults now and they really have each other’s backs boy and girl !
They share a big friendship group as well and everyday I thank my lucky stars because they are fabulous and we love spending time with them both . I think how lonely my first born would have been without his sister !
At the end of the day thou u do what’s best for your family x

suki32 · 05/08/2025 12:38

I admit I felt a societal pressure to have a second but I am so so glad I did. Two years apart and they are the best of friends. They are 5 & 3 and I have no issues leaving them to do their own thing whilst I go about doing chores etc. They look out for each other, protect each other, big one is now reading to little one etc etc. I actually think one would be harder because you'd need to always be on hand for imaginary play, entertainment etc. I'm very aware they will have their ups and downs, particular through teenage years, but I suspect they will always come back to each other. Watching their bond grow is an absolute joy. I absolutely wouldn't have a 3rd because of all the reasons you have listed but also I think with 3, there tends to be one who always feels left out.

MyAcornWood · 05/08/2025 12:39

Very early days still here, with a nearly 4 year old and a 5 month old, but I’m genuinely incredibly happy. I adore my children, they just radiate joy. I was so worried when I got pregnant, and on and off thoughout the pregnancy, because it felt like maybe I’d made a mistake (despite trying for 2+ years, we’d JUST made our peace with an only being our lot in life!), that I was going o upset the apple cart of my lovely little life with just one, but it’s been wonderful. More chaotic and tiring, absolutely, but lovely. I do most parenting on my own as DH works away or v long hours, and while I certainly have had my tough days, the good outweighs the bad by miles.

MissedItByThisMuch · 05/08/2025 12:41

Everyone has a moan about life sometimes don’t they? Doesn’t mean they’re not happy, it’s not that black and white. The things you list are just the standard day to day stuff you vent to friends about, you can still be very happy with your life overall. Are you saying you never ever moan to anyone about any aspect of parenting your one child?? Because that would be highly unusual.

For the record I have 4 kids, now teens/young adults and love it. Very happy with that number and would have hated only having one. BUT I’m pretty sure I complained to friends about all the things on your list at various times. And they vented to me.

I’m not sure how knowing how random internet strangers feel about family size helps you anyway tbh - it’s a very personal choice that everyone needs to make based on their finances, personality and individual circumstances. .

SecretNameAsImShy · 05/08/2025 12:42

I always wanted 4 but my body would only allow me one! We are happy and our DS has everything he could want.

That said I was with my DB & DS last month with their kids, they both have two and I could see how well they get on, they are all young adults now. My DB has two boys who are really close and were close growing up. They had a big house but the boys insisted on sharing a bedroom and when they were little, sharing a bed! There is two years between them. My DS has a boy and girl. To see how protective her son is over her daughter is truly lovely.

My son is 20 and has told me a few times over the years how he would have liked a sibling. He knows it wasn't by choice.

WFHforevermore · 05/08/2025 12:44

I adore my 2 boys, they were planned to be really close, only 13months apart.

Globules · 05/08/2025 12:47

Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes

I have 2, 22 months apart.

Both now adults.

Some bits took more energy and time, but I'd say everyone thrived at every point.

Still loving every minute

noidea69 · 05/08/2025 12:49

We have 2 fairly close together, and wouldn't have it any other, of course they bicker & argue etc but they do both love each & spending time the 4 of us is great.

I will say though, If you have one kid in primary already, i would say leave it as it is, as the age gap would slightly defeat the point (my opinion only, appreciate there are plenty with big gaps).

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 05/08/2025 12:50

I love having two and would have a third if I were a bit younger and my husband was up for it.

daffodilandtulip · 05/08/2025 12:52

I'm a single parent of two. It's hard, and they pretty much hate each other. Three years apart and they couldn't be any different. I do sometimes wish I'd stopped at one (and separated earlier!). I get on with my second better, but my first has left home now so I often think, "oh I'd be done with the lifts and paying out and stress by now if..."

AluckyEllie · 05/08/2025 12:53

I have two, 2 years apart. 1&3 currently. I love it. It was hard in the first year at parts, but it’s going to be that way even with one child. I really try to notice when we are in a lovely phase and just wait it out in a tricky one. It all passes. I think it helps that my 3 year old girl is quite gentle, loves dolls and so adores her brother (although obv there are moments.) He is a happy go lucky boy who doesn’t mind being put down and playing on his own for a bit. We can also afford a cleaner and to do a few nice days out a month. If I was in a small flat with no garden I’d probably feel very different. It’s just what works for you.

redannie18 · 05/08/2025 12:53

I like having two, it doesn't make much difference from one really. The big life change is 0-1 so by 1-2 you're not really changing your life that much.

Rewis · 05/08/2025 12:54

I feel like majority of the things you listed could be said about having one child 😅

ThankULord · 05/08/2025 13:09

I have more than 1.
My first was lonely as an only child even with cousins and lots of friends around. I had more DC. They are absolutely so happy together. Usual sibling squabbles not easy to hear, see or mediate but it's only a very very small fraction of their time together.

They are always laughing, chatting or staying in silence with each other.

The hard bits :

  • financial (really hard)
  • the squabbles
  • picking fun activities that meets the needs of the varied ages

I work a professional job, always have. When married, i used nursery and then childminder for pickups and drop-offs. And then as a single parent, i used nursery and a part-time live in nanny ( i couldn't do drop-offs or pickups). I worked flexibly for those years.

I am very content and extremely happy i went from having decided to never have kids to having 4 ( 2 biological and 2 adopted).
Quite different to some PP, i found having more than 1, a lot easier than having just 1.