My 13 year old daughter says she wants to be single when she’s older - no partners, no kids.

[Poodlezzz]

My 13 year old daughter says she wants to be single when she’s older - no partners, no kids.

I obviously want her to make her own choices so keep my opinion to myself… I’m also wondering if this is common for young kids and they change their views when they’re older?

I just worry she’ll be lonely when she’s old! I know it’s far fetched and probably an old fashioned view. But as parents we worry don’t we ?!

I wouldn't worry. A lot changes between 13 and adulthood!

I said that when I was 13 and changed my mind. Maybe she will, maybe she won't.

It's good that girls now know that relationships, marriage, children etc are optional and not just something that you do as an adult.

She’s 13!!! So much will change…

I said I didn't want kids when I was younger than her and I've never changed my mind.

I'm also single - and not lonely! Good on her for knowing her own mind.

I said the same. Now I’m 50ish and wish I’d stuck with it 😂

She’ll probably change her mind lots of times before she’s an adult. She may end up wanting a family or she may not, but her views at 13 won’t be set.

That's an odd thing for a 13 yo to come out with. What's her experience of witnessing adult relationships? Are you single?

She'll probably change her mind but you do know that even with the most committed couples one dies first so half of them end up on their own anyway. Sad but true.

Even if she doesn't change her mind as long as she's happy it isn't a problem.

Indeed. Say “ ok dear” and move on. Or. Express your opinion and have a discussion about it. Get her used to debate and reasoned argument.

Sounds normal to me. I wanted to be single until I was about 22 when I met my future DH.

I wanted to be a nun when I was 13! Didn’t work out :)

At 13 our DD bet us £10k she would never ever have a boyfriend. Ever.

She's 18 now and we've not seen a penny of that £10k she owes us!

My DD (in her twenties) is asexual, although that is not a word she would have used when she was thirteen; more like she felt a bit alienated when the sex and relationships lessons assumed everyone would want to have sex.
She has an excellent circle of friends from home and university and is very secure in who she is.
I never said to her ‘you will grow out of it’ or ‘a lot might change’ when she told me a number of years ago. I just said, okay, thanks for telling me.

Being married or living with someone, or even having DC, is no guarantee you won’t be lonely in old age, to be honest.

Voice of experience 😂

Are single people lonelier? I don’t think they are. I was single for years and I have now been in a relationship for 3 years. Something bad is happening in my personal life (horrible illness of close family member). It is all my lovely friends who are rallying around and offering to help not my partner. He has other qualities but I don’t think you can get everything you need from one person.

So if your daughter stays single she may well be healthier and happier. She will have a lot more money and time to look after herself, grow friendship groups and travel. I’m not saying it’s better but it’s not a terrible option.

The no kids I would find hard as I was desperate for mine but if she doesn’t feel that way in the future then she can fill her life with other things. I honestly wouldn’t worry.

Why on earth are you taking a 13-year-old seriously?

The research says she’ll be happier, live longer and probably be perfectly OK when old.

Tell her good for her.

Will probably change her mind, circumstances can change, who she meets etc. If not, she will be a smart kid!

I would definitely be healthier and happier single. I’d also be considerably richer!! Both financially and in time….

I remember saying that frequently at 13! I did enjoy being single and living alone in my 20s. I’m also glad I met DH and had DC in my 30s.

My aunt said that and went on to have 4 dc (and has 5 grandchildren that she dotes on and retired early to do childcare for).
Dc1 said that and is now 21 and living with someone (been together 3 years), always said would never leave home, have dc or a relationship till aged 17.
Dc3 says the same as dc1 (is 16).

Both of my twin girls were adamant they were going to be single forever at 12/13.
One was absolutely repulsed after sex education and could barely look at DH and I for a week after (we have 6 kids).

Now in mid twenties both have had boyfriends. One has had girlfriends. Both are - thankfully - happier to be single than in a shit relationship.

One in particular is told by well meaning friends that she's too picky, standards are too high, and she expects too much in relationships. Her response is that if she's expecting too much then she'll just be single. She's just ended a relationship with someone who, she herself says, was wonderful in 99% of ways, but they were incompatible on the issue of tracking each other on Life360 and she's not willing to compromise on it. She will not be tracked.

It's a good thing that young people, especially young girls, know that you don't have to be in a relationship to be happy.

And I've never been more lonely than when I was in a shit relationship so it's not a cure all for loneliness

I didn't want kids until I was 30. Was adamant. Wasn't that in to relationships - never hankered after a boyfriend although I had a few. Married, had DS at 35. Now single at 56 (and have been for more than 10 years). DS is grown and fabulous. I am not lonely though, I have a great career and good friends.

she will be fine whatever she wants to do

I'm long term single and no children.

I've travelled the world. I've reached my career goals, I have close friends and I'm haply with how life is