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Original poster

My 13 year old daughter says she wants to be single when she’s older - no partners, no kids.

113 replies

Poodlezzz · 03/08/2025 18:03

My 13 year old daughter says she wants to be single when she’s older - no partners, no kids.

I obviously want her to make her own choices so keep my opinion to myself… I’m also wondering if this is common for young kids and they change their views when they’re older?

I just worry she’ll be lonely when she’s old! I know it’s far fetched and probably an old fashioned view. But as parents we worry don’t we ?!

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Macaroni46 · 04/08/2025 07:52

She’s 13! Why are you giving this any headspace!

muddyford · 04/08/2025 07:55

I knew before I left primary school that I didn't want children. I've mostly enjoyed being married but after DH had a long stay in hospital I realised I enjoyed being alone much more!

Anabla · 04/08/2025 09:10

Macaroni46 · 04/08/2025 07:52

She’s 13! Why are you giving this any headspace!

This! At 13, I'm pretty sure my plan was to never have kids and instead become an international travelling partying rockstar!

And even if she doesn't end up having children or a partner, it doesn't mean she'll end up lonely!

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13 year olds Families
TheignT · 04/08/2025 09:12

At 13 I wanted to be a nun. I've been married twice and have four kids. I wouldn't worry.

pourmeadrinkpls · 04/08/2025 09:17

Great she hasn't been brainwashed that she has to have a husband and two children like most of us, although that does make me curious what is her home situation? All of my friends who have come from divorced parents are very anti-divorce, similarly people with absent fathers are adamant their children don't have the same situation etc so that's why I'm curious.

Iocainepowder · 04/08/2025 09:25

She is very smart. I wish i’d stuck with that.

Gallivant · 04/08/2025 09:34

Hopefully she'll have the sense to stick to her guns.

Yes she's 13 and yes she may change her mind - but beware imposing your own rather limited, old-fashioned world-view on her! If she really doesn't want children when she's older, your disappointment/disapproval will push her away.

mindutopia · 04/08/2025 09:34

At 13, I was obsessed with adopting a baby from China as a single parent. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I am happily married with 2 biological children and no interest in adoption, as wonderful as it is.

Decisionsdecisions1 · 04/08/2025 09:39

OP - better she says that than says she wants to marry someone rich by age 20 and never work. Dd (13) says things like this to wind me up.

Being single can equate to focusing on how to obtain financial independence, that's no bad thing if it gives her something to aim for.

teksquad · 04/08/2025 09:45

my sons all swore they would never drink alcohol at 13. Come uni freshers week, not so much ... I wanted to live on a communist commune at 13, now in a bog standard familiy house. A lot can change, i wouldn't worry about this rn.

lljkk · 04/08/2025 09:49

I was NEVER going to have children when I was 13yrs old.
Obviously I would never have a boyfriend, too, because who would have me?

Neither prediction came true.

orangewasp · 04/08/2025 10:00

Of course she may well change her mind but I'm glad she sees it as an option. I hate the assumption that success as a woman means snagging a man and having children - it's one type of lifestyle, others are just as valid.

limegreenheart · 04/08/2025 10:04

What she is proposing is an absolutely legitimate and potentially fully satisfying choice that is still somewhat stigmatised in our society. I would reassure her that what she says she wants now is totally OK just as a whole range of other choices are OK. Don't tell her that you think she'd be missing out of she persists in her choice or that you assume she will change her mind. Maybe find a way to get it across to her that some people do make these decisions early on and stick with them, some people also change their minds later, and there's nothing wrong with either scenario.

Toooldforlonghair · 04/08/2025 10:04

I was adamant that I didn't want children.
I have 4!
(All with my DH.)

YeOldy · 04/08/2025 10:05

I think the option to not have kids and to not have a partner should be far more acceptable and more normal than it is. It’s a totally valid option in life.

Typicalwave · 04/08/2025 10:05

Good on her. If I had my time over I’d be doing the same

SunnyPrague · 04/08/2025 10:07

13 year olds talk a whole load of nonsense about crap that will never happen.

‘Yes dear, that sounds lovely’ and move on.

Titasaducksarse · 04/08/2025 10:13

I knew at 13 I didn't want children and that has never altered.

partlydidntdoit · 04/08/2025 10:13

I said that all the time. I’m now happily married with 6 children and absolutely love the chaos. My friend always said she would love to get married etc but has a long term partner and they are too busy travelling to have kids.

hilariousnamehere · 04/08/2025 10:14

Get her a copy of Bella De Paulo's Single at Heart book 💙

And don't brainwash her into thinking single is bad or lonely - I had a lovely boyfriend from 14 to 21 and another one in my mid 20s, have now been single by choice almost 12 years at nearly 40. Don't ever get lonely (but definitely had lonely moments within both relationships) and am much happier for it - it's an actual active option, not an in between state for some of us.

Also she's 13 - she's figuring everything out about who she is and what she wants.

Eaglemom · 04/08/2025 10:15

She is wise beyond her years!

mikado1 · 04/08/2025 10:21

When I was 12 I bet my sister I would call my first child Kylie... !

TheeNotoriousPIG · 04/08/2025 10:46

If she sticks to her current plan, she will have to endure the, "You'll meet someone one day!", "You'll change your mind when you meet The One!" and, "You'll be lonely". You'd have thought people might have stopped saying it by now!

I even had a family member trying to pressure me into getting into a relationship because that was their idea of "normal" for a 16-year-old. The fact that I had no interest was irrelevant. Then there were suspicions that I might be lesbian, because my best friend turned out to be bi. Actually, I'm asexual, with no interest whatsoever in any relationship... EVER!

Being single and childless is not a disaster, though it will horrify some family members. I'm OK with that, because it's my life, not theirs.

Either way, OP, good luck to your DD 🙂

Lavenderandclimbingrose · 04/08/2025 10:47

Poodlezzz · 03/08/2025 18:03

My 13 year old daughter says she wants to be single when she’s older - no partners, no kids.

I obviously want her to make her own choices so keep my opinion to myself… I’m also wondering if this is common for young kids and they change their views when they’re older?

I just worry she’ll be lonely when she’s old! I know it’s far fetched and probably an old fashioned view. But as parents we worry don’t we ?!

At aged 25 I did not know anything. I wanted no children and to never ever marry. At 13 I didn’t even want to date a boy never mind have sex with one!

usedtobeaylis · 04/08/2025 10:52

It's fine, and she might change her mind - but she might not. Just let her have her own ideas as you are doing. My sister always said she wouldn't have children and she's now mid 30s and hasn't changed her mind. I said I wouldn't have children and fell pregnant in a very short window where I was open to the idea. My daughter is 10 and has always said if she ever gets married it will be to another girl and if she has kids it will be by adoption only (a close relative is a foster carer). I think it's fantastic that little girls can have ideas beyond a heterosexual marriage and 2.4 children.