My 13 year old daughter says she wants to be single when she’s older - no partners, no kids.

[Poodlezzz]

My 13 year old daughter says she wants to be single when she’s older - no partners, no kids.

I obviously want her to make her own choices so keep my opinion to myself… I’m also wondering if this is common for young kids and they change their views when they’re older?

I just worry she’ll be lonely when she’s old! I know it’s far fetched and probably an old fashioned view. But as parents we worry don’t we ?!

I said this at 18. At 19.5 I met dh and knew he was the one. I’m still with him 24 years later with 3 dc and a mum who reminds me I never wanted the life I now have (tongue in cheek) and an ex best friend who never forgave me for stealing her dream life. She’s divorced and no dc (always dated druggy losers despite being from a wealthy family).

I wanted to be married with 6 kids.

i nearly got married and have been a LP to just 1 kid for 20 years. And happily single and no plans to be otherwise - ever!

Things change. Either through choice or circumstance.

What’s great is she trusts you enough to be able to discuss her feelings on life and whatever any life takes her that will always be important.

Sorry to comment, as I'm not a parent, but this is in 'trending'.

I'm honestly shocked that you're taking what a 13 year old says this seriously! She's a child!

This is like people that bang on about how their incredibly bright 7 year old is going to become an accountant and have a stellar career in finance, because they can do their times tables. Erm, no they won't.

The overwhelming majority of people get partnered up and have kids. I'm married, but don't have kids through choice. I'm absolutely in the minority.

Perfectly legitimate choice. She may well change her mind, but there's nothing wrong with choosing to live alone and not have kids. People can be extremely lonely in relationships and with kids.

At 13 I wouldn't take seriously anything she said. It might be the case in 10 or 20 years time, or it might not. The same as being vegan or non-binary, or bisexual or being a communist or wanting to call any future children Wolf and Khaleesi.

Anything can change between now and then and it's almost certain that she will change her mind on at least one of those things. But is it really the worst thing if she never wants children or a partner?

The three women I know who don't have children through choice have never, ever wanted them and have known this from a young age.

Ha! Mine said similar. She is now 15, is in love for the first time and keeps asking horrifying questions like “how long had you and dad been together when you got engaged?”

She’s 13! Why would you even worry over this? Even if she was 23 and said it, it’s her choice

She sounds very wise.

Well, she may change her mind, of course.
But...... if she remains single, so what? I know some very happy single and childfree women. They enjoy their lives, careers, friends, independence and are the last people in the world to ever be "lonely". You need to expand your horizons, OP, and not fall for lazy stereotypes.
Also, never, never push your child into what you think is the 'right way to live'.

Sensible child 😂

As others have said, it's good for young people to realise you don't have to default to the marriage + children route.

I'm in my 50s, very long term single, no children (and lived alone for c30 years). I'm not lonely 😂

13 year olds come out with all kinds of crap. I was going to run a riding school, at 13 I was determined. Or marry David Essex, I was easy either way.

I did neither. And I would be as mortified as hell if anyone in my family either remembered or, even worse, reminded me.

I wanted 5 children at 13. Now in my thirties I want none. Things change; it's good that she knows she has options!

She’s 13, a lot will change for her in the next 10 years but even if that does end up being her life, it doesn’t mean it’s a bad life. I have quite a few friends in this position in their 50s. Not one has a sad, lonely or boring life.

exactly !!
she might say she wants 6 kids,
become the next Taylor swift,
win the lottery !
who knows ?!!
don’t sweat it !

Sounds quite nice!

When I was that age, (late 1970s,) I was gonna be an astronaut, and live in America, and marry John Travolta. Never happened,. Any of it.

Your DD is 13 @Poodlezzz 13! She's a child. I think she may change her mind in the future... Possibly.

If she doesn't, then she doesn't. You can't say what your plans for your entire life are going to be when you're only 13 though.

.

It's okay, at 13, I wanted to live in France and tun an orphanage with Orlando Bloom. Our dog, Legolas, would make the children happy.

I always said I’d never marry or have kids and that I’d likely be far happier single. I am in my 40s and life is exactly how I thought and wanted it to be. I knew my own mind from very young and knew that the whole conventional family thing wasn’t for me.

At 9 dd1 asked me what bisexual meant. The next day she wrote to me to me she was bisexual. I said, that's nice, dear...we laugh about it now, she's 13 and does seem to only fancy boys, although obviously it wouldn't matter.

Dd2, nearly 12, tells me she's never leaving home, I tell her she can live with me as long as she wants

They change so much, be supportive but don't over invest in what they say now, so much time to change

I'm 60 now
I remember telling my dad that I didn't want children before I was 30 and he said 'well if you do it will be your first and last' I was about 14 then.
Funny enough I had my first child at 30 but he wasn't my last though.
When DS2 was 21 he told me that he was really sorry but he didn't want children and hoped I wasn't upset. He is 25 now and him and his girlfriend are planning on starting a family soon!

Smart girl!

I'd say that's a fantastic choice to her.

I’d actually be quite pleased if my DD said that, not that I would consider it binding or anything, just that I’d be glad she knew that was one of the options.

My own DD is only just 5, and very full of talk about when she gets married and when she’s a mummy. When appropriate I try to stress that not everyone does get married/ have a baby - that it’s something you do if you really want to but you don’t have to and there’s lots of other things you can do instead! Currently she’s planning on marrying her best friend who is also a girl and then they will both have a baby so it can be twins 😆I’m an older mum and I suppose realising how much of my life I spent thinking I should find a man, should be in a couple - that was the default and anything else was less than. Realising now there were actually a million different options open to me if I’d been open minded enough to take them! Don't regret motherhood and don’t actually regret marrying my wonderful DH, I just want DD to know that she doesn’t have to follow that path just because it’s still seen as the norm.

Im single and have neve been lonely, in fact feel a lot freer to spend time doing hobbies and seeing friends than many of my married friends