My 13 year old daughter says she wants to be single when she’s older - no partners, no kids.

[Poodlezzz]

My 13 year old daughter says she wants to be single when she’s older - no partners, no kids.

I obviously want her to make her own choices so keep my opinion to myself… I’m also wondering if this is common for young kids and they change their views when they’re older?

I just worry she’ll be lonely when she’s old! I know it’s far fetched and probably an old fashioned view. But as parents we worry don’t we ?!

When i was 13 i decided i would not be having sex before marriage 😂
I actually think what she says may not be a bad idea.

When I was that age, I said I never wanted to marry or have kids. Decades later, happily single and childfree.

My youngest is 9, doesn't want to live with anyone else and to have 3 cats.

🤷🏼‍♀️ It's his life 😂

Yeah I said the same right up to 19. Then I fell in love and got married to my DH.
It's not a bad thing. It means she's not going to settle for any Tom, Dick or Harry.

@Poodlezzz , when my younger son was in his early twenties he was adamant that he didn’t ever want children, it did make me sad. He’s 31 now with 2 children and one on the way shortly. They grow up. 😉

It’s about 80% childless women at the end of reproductive life at the moment, which obviously includes a lot of women from an earlier generation which would have been expected to. I suspect my mum wouldn’t have had kids, given a genuinely free choice. That isn’t what I’d call ‘overwhelming’. And childless women are increasing down the generations. Minority yes, overwhelming, no.

maybe she is asexual. I knew I wanted to stay single before I was 6. Of course childen can change their minds. I didn't. I didn't know what asexual meant until I was in my 30s. and I thought I was the only one in the world until then. But it is a happy thing to be. I love it

At 13 I wanted a massive family like The Waltons!

13 is the age when we start picturing the future as an adult and more often or not, things turn out entirely different!

I’m 51, childfree & divorced. My only regret is that I ever got married but I’m deeply thankful that I didn’t have kids.

As far as I’m concerned, living alone with my cat is pure joy. I’m busy, happy & have plenty of friends. Your DD might turn out the same.

I remember telling my Mum at 12/13 that I wanted to have 10 children and live in a narrowboat. 😳 (I am 44 and have two dc, ten years apart). A lot can change!

I can’t actually believe you’d take this as gospel and start worrying about her future loneliness.

Literally not one second thought should be given to it. This can’t be a real post. 😂

🤣 How’s the ten year gap going? (Out of interest?

Ha, I wanted to live alone in a windmill with 5 dogs until I was about 16. Met DH when I was 18 and had a mortgage and 2 kids by 24.

I always said I wouldn't get married from that age and stuck to it. The no children could well change however once hormones go crazy I guess.

Surely the most important thing, whether the DD stays single & childfree or has a partner & kids, or any variation on the two, is that she’s happy with her choices?

I said similar things which as an only child panicked my family and I'm now in my mid 20s and although I'm not closed off for it I'm not actively looking to have kids or be with a man I enjoy being single and child free

I said I was going to be a nun when I was around that age. I really wouldn’t worry..

Mine wants loads of kids and a kitchen with an island and she will buy her kids whatever they want.

I said the same when I was 13…..

by 16 I’d met my now DH, we’ve been together 27 years 🤣

"In the UK, 18% of women are childless at the end of their reproductive lives and 50% of 30-year-old women are childless"
https://academic.oup.com/humrep/article/37/11/2611/6751717

So actually 80% of women are not childless att the end of reproductive age.

So yes, the overwhelming majority of women do have children.

I wanted that too, and definitely preferred the idea of dogs to children.

//stares at DH and 3DC

i am pretty sure i would have had a lovely life single though. Different, but it would have been fine.

I knew that I didn't want children from.a really young age, much younger than 13. I also couldn't see myself getting married although I quite liked the idea of having a boyfriend.

I'm now 50, childfree and living with my lovely partner of 15 years.

The reason I'm posting is that I had constant 'you'll change your mind' 'you'll regret it' 'you'll be lonely' comments up until I was about 40 and it is so annoying and patronising.

Just let her be. Maybe she's right, maybe she will change her mind but either way, it's unlikely that comments from anyone else will sway her life choices.

Of course it’s normal! At 13 I was utterly repulsed at the idea of even ever kissing a boy, and I had zero interest in children.

I’m now married for decades with five children.

She's 13! I'd be worried if she was looking forward to having a partner and kids. There's so much more to life. Let her focus on her education, hobbies, friendships. Don't worry about anything else.

I just worry she’ll be lonely when she’s old! I know it’s far fetched and probably an old fashioned view. But as parents we worry don’t we ?!

It is far fetched and old fashioned. I thought society was moving past this idea that you have to be married and have children to be happy and fulfilled and everything else is not as good and single people without children are sad and lonely.

I said I didn't want children at 13 and had years of people saying all sorts of awful things about what my life would be like and how lonely I'd be plus the usual you'll change your mind stuff.
I haven't and I'm not sad and lonely either.

I spent a couple of decades in various relationships but my heart wasn't in it. It took me a while to discover that in addition to npt wanting children I didn't want a partner either and that I function much better and am happier single.

You do not need to worry because there is absolutely nothing to worry about (and not as some posters have said "Don't worry she's 13, she'll change her mind". She might or she might not.

I wouldn't react to her statement by trying to persuade her otherwise and nor should other family members. The only thing I would suggest over the coming years is that you encourage friendships, teach her about being financially independent etc and stress the importance of a support network of friends.
All of these would be applicable if she had a partner too but it's especially important if she's likely to be single. You need good friends.