Unfortunately can’t go on holiday because of cruise lines policy

[CAMO1984]

Hi all,

just wanted other peoples opinions please as it’s really getting to me.
So a cruise was booked for my dads partners 70th all paid for by him as he wanted us all to go, which was extremely generous from the start.
A few days ago we found out I can no longer go as will be 24 weeks pregnant and the cruise line won’t accept pregnant ladies at 24 weeks pregnant or more.
Very upset and disappointed by the news but stated my partner and our son along with my 2 girls from a previous relationship could all still go which only leaves me missing out.
Partner then states he wouldn’t be taking our 2 year old son as he would be too much hassle and wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself and relax, his he grandad who paid for the holiday also agrees with this. I am very upset and saddened that my little boy would be such an inconvenience to them.
Also to add to this my father in law decides to invite his friends instead which also means my girls missing out too. I know he paid for all this so it’s his decision but still upsetting to let them down.
So basically now my partner is still going, along with his father in law, wife and his friends and me, my son and my girls are left at home on a holiday we were supposed to go on.
Am I being unreasonable to kick up a fuss about this? How would other people feel?

Thank you in advance

Hmmm, now I'm also confused! In OP's first post she wrote:
"So a cruise was booked for my dads partners 70th all paid for by him as he wanted us all to go, which was extremely generous from the start" which seems to suggest that it's OP's FIL's partner's 70th (i.e. his girlfriend or wife). However, in a later post she wrote:
"I meant to say partners dads 70th not my dad. It’s my father in law, my mistake. It doesn’t let me edit the post" which seems to suggest it's OP's FIL's 70th.
So now I'm not sure if it's her FIL's 70th birthday or his girlfriend's or wife's 70th! 😂
(It's definitely not OP's own dad as she's told us she lost him to cancer recently.)

No, it isn't. It's to celebrate his own birthday. The OP is garbled and hard to read but when she wrote 'father's partner's birthday' she meant 'partner's father's birthday'. The OP's FIL's wife will be there but it is not her birthday which is being celebrated.

@IHaveAlwaysLivedintheCastle I wouldn’t expect the grandparents to be responsible to look after him, the responsibility of that lies with my partner.

@TipsyFairyHicsorry you are confused, it was my mistake on my original post. I put my dads partner instead of partners dad. It is my father in law who has booked and paid for this trip x

Why are people’s comprehension skills so poor on mumsnet? 🤣

OP has stated that she made a mistake in her first post and she’s now clearly explained the situation in follow up posts. Why are people still struggling to understand?

I am starting to lose sympathy with you, you are coming across as pretty entitled and self pitying. Disappointments happen in life, it isn't anyone's fault that what happened happened. If you pout and moan and stamp your feet, then your daughters will pick up on it and be more upset than they would be if you took the situation more equably. Would they even want to go with just their stepfather and without you? Just let him go on the trip and wish your FIL a happy holiday, them go on one with just you and the girls once the baby is here. All of this is a storm in a teacup.

People have alarming poor comprehension skills and short attention spans. Yes, the OP was very poorly written but all of this has been hashed out many times now.

When your partner gets back frim his free relaxing holiday I would be making sure he did a lot more parenting of his own 2 year old. He obviously needs the practice in preparation for when the newborn arrives.
Take some weekends away with your girls whilst you still can.

Finally a response that absolutely nails it. Can't believe the responses on here

@ExercicenformedeZi didn’t come on here to get sympathy, I was simply asking what other people would do if they were in the same situation.
I am not entitled at all or wallowing in self pity at all.
I have just lost my dad to cancer and the girls just lost their biological dad all in a short space of time. So we know all about disappointments in life, this just adds to their upset.
Yes they would have been happy to go with my partner they have lived with him for 10 years and he treats them like his own.

I must live in a different universe to lots of people on here .
I know in my house, if I wasn't able to travel ( I'd be really disappointed) but I'd absolutely tell my partner to go on his own rather than take a 2 year old to a cruise where everyone else is adult , I know my husband would enjoy it far more and get to spend far more time with his dad that way and I fully accept that being the only person on the cruise with a toddler would be hard enough work and at 2 it's not like the toddler would care either way. It's a fabulous treat and in our house the other partner would absolutely be saying go for it ( without toddler) and enjoy before new baby arrives.
i know if it was the other way around, that what my husband would be saying to me.

I get you're disappointed to be missing out ( so would I) but the reality is that it would be a totally different holiday with a two year old in tow than without especially as it's a 70th ( so totally different schedule to everyone else travelling early mornings and bedtimes) versus lies in and long lunches ) I get why he's prefer to leave him home on this occasion.

You're having a second child with him so he's obviously not too bad generally so I'd let him off to enjoy cruise properly.

Finally a sane answer!!

A lot of this is just noise. As soon as you dropped out, your girls couldn’t go, because they wouldn’t have had a legal guardian on board.

The people to blame are you and your DP, for stuffing up over the pregnancy, no-one else.

Same in my house.

Because we are perfectly functioning adults who recognise that our life is not tied to our kids. That is entirely possible for each of us to cope with them by ourselves and that actually it is perfectly acceptable as an adult to do things without kids.

We do things at least once a year with out each other or the kids. Shock horror my husband even went on a sporting trip while I was pregnant. Then I went on a sun break with my friends.

His father is 70 maybe he actually is sick to death of kids and did want an adult only experience which he felt he couldn't have because you have 3 kids.

I swear that reading this thread (with a few honourable, sensible exceptions) has made me realise more than ever that Frank Zappa was correct about stupidity being more plentiful than hydrogen. Sweet fucking Christ.

Your partner is the problem.
He should bow out of the cruise and stay home with you and the children!

He should plan a family holiday in the UK with you all!

YANBU!

@prelovedusernamethey can go with a letter of permission from myself, the cruise line already told us this.
My father in law booked and paid for the trip and declared my pregnancy, it was only last week when they sent a form out for to fill in was when we found out their policy. So yes we should have looked into policies and procedures before it was even booked.

One of the best holidays I had was on my own with a two year old.

Well personally I would have hid the bump a bit and gone! Would they really be demanding your medical records? However since you’re not going, I think it’s fair enough to not want to take 3 kids on a cruise,
including a 2 year old, as the lone parent/parent figure. That doesn’t sound enjoyable at all! I do think it is disappointing that your FIL replaced your daughters with his friends, and I think it’s lovely that you were still OK with them going. But I’m not sure that aspect is your partner’s fault.

I agree. The replies above are madness! That her partner should be able to relax on her dad’s holiday without his child while she stays home pregnant alone with a toddler? People are crazy and sexist. It would never be touted the other way.

I would 100% expect my husband to stay home if he couldn't travel with our toddler if it was my father's birthday trip rather than me take him by myself.

Its his father. Not the OPs.

I also would expect if we were going away with my in-laws to celebrate one of their big birthdays that I would be doing the bulk of the childcare.

I would expect my husband to show me the same courtesy for my parents.

Yes, they can come but we have to get authorized letters from their parents and instead of the teens having their own rooms (one for teen girls, one for teen boys) and my husband and I having one, my husband now has to stay in the room with the teen boys and I am staying with the teen girls and we gave up the third room. My kids are 19 and 20 but the 21 and over rule applies because their friends who are the same age don't have a parent on board. If it was just my kids they could stay in a room adjacent to mine. Our last cruise was fine but apparently the rules have changed for most cruise lines this year. Some cruise lines allow 18 as an adult depending on the port it goes to. It is odd but just something we had to deal with this week.

BUT this cruise is for the PARTNER of your FIL.

What does she have to say?

My idea of a Zero Birthday nightmare would be a 'surprise cruise' which included the young children of my stepson, his step children (although I don't know if OP is actually married) and God knows who else!

Why? It is his father's 70th! OP is behaving like a petulant child and these replies are enabling her.

Oh good Lord, for the last time. It is NOT for the FIL's wife. It is for the FIL!!