Unfortunately can’t go on holiday because of cruise lines policy

[CAMO1984]

Hi all,

just wanted other peoples opinions please as it’s really getting to me.
So a cruise was booked for my dads partners 70th all paid for by him as he wanted us all to go, which was extremely generous from the start.
A few days ago we found out I can no longer go as will be 24 weeks pregnant and the cruise line won’t accept pregnant ladies at 24 weeks pregnant or more.
Very upset and disappointed by the news but stated my partner and our son along with my 2 girls from a previous relationship could all still go which only leaves me missing out.
Partner then states he wouldn’t be taking our 2 year old son as he would be too much hassle and wouldn’t be able to enjoy himself and relax, his he grandad who paid for the holiday also agrees with this. I am very upset and saddened that my little boy would be such an inconvenience to them.
Also to add to this my father in law decides to invite his friends instead which also means my girls missing out too. I know he paid for all this so it’s his decision but still upsetting to let them down.
So basically now my partner is still going, along with his father in law, wife and his friends and me, my son and my girls are left at home on a holiday we were supposed to go on.
Am I being unreasonable to kick up a fuss about this? How would other people feel?

Thank you in advance

A casual date boyfriend says "sorry babes you can't come with me on the freebie holiday my dad is buying for me"

A partner says "sorry dad, I can't join you on your cruise, because my partner is going to be over 6months pregnant by then so the cruise won't let her join, and I'm not going to leave her to cope solo with 3 kids while I have a nice holiday. She, and my children, have to be my priority now"

If he chooses option A please get rid of him

Why should she suck it up? Woman are constantly expected to suck things up for the sake of their partners. I'm not saying he shouldn't go but that he should have discussed it with the OP instead of assuming

Wow, you're really missing the point here. Now that the free child-minder (OP) can't go on the cruise, her FIL has decided the kids can't go. And that suits OP's DP too because he can "relax" on the cruise without having to parent any of his DC. OP Will still have to parent them, of course - at home on her own. But yeah, you lecture OP on manipulation. 🙄

He was very generous but your life choices ie pregnancy, rule you out so no, I dont think you can complain. It certainly isn’t his fault and would you rather he didn’t fill your places and waste the money?

with regard to all of the ‘oh its clear you were just going for childcare’ and your husband is wrong for saying he can’t relax when he has all of the children with him then I can see what he means- if you were both there it would be a shared load to look after them between you. Herding children around a cruise ship sounds the definition of hell to me!

For me, it would depend how good a partner he is when at home. If he’s a really hands-on dad and an attentive partner, I wouldn’t grudge him the time with his dad on his 70th.
It was mega generous of his dad to pay for everyone and it’s rotten luck you can’t go. Sorry OP.

@ShallIstartmy father in law booked and paid for this cruise last month knowing I was pregnant. They asked at the time of booking if anyone was pregnant and he said yes and no more was said. It was only last week when they sent a form out for me to fill in stated you can’t be no more than 24 weeks pregnant to travel and you need a fit to travel certificate from GP/midwife. I didn’t get pregnant after this holiday was booked. Yes I agree we should have all looked into this before it was booked but just assumed it was same rules as flying x

Omg how bored are you.

I’d personally spent the time your partner is away packing his shit up and leaving it it at your inlaws house ready for him for when he returns home! He’s clearly shown what he thinks of your family and your relationship!

Seriously? What heavily pregnant mother of 3 wishes to spend time just looking after kids and doing all the chores whilst her partner fucks off abroad! 1 to 1 time is only nice when you have the time and energy and get to do something nice and relaxing rather than just be stuck at home.

It is absolutely valid to be disappointed by the way your partner and FIL have responded to you not being able to go. While it’s totally understandable that your FIL now sees it as a grown ups holiday, he and your partner could have given a bit more consideration to how you and your DC were going to feel about it.

If partner is insistent on going alone, I’d be telling him he needs to book you all a family holiday somewhere exciting to make up for it.

Ummm she will be having sole responsibility though while still creating another one so I really dont think that's a reasonable argument

I don't think anyone is necessarily in the wrong. It's just one of those unfortunate things. How are you only finding out about the pregnancy rule this far down the line of planning? Is it not something that was flagged for consideration when booking?

I can actually understand why they wouldn't want to take teen girls for whom no one has parental responsibility. It's just too risky. He may have been in their lives for ten years but legally he is no more significant to them than a random stranger.

It also sounds completely shit to be on a cruise with adults celebrating a milestone birthday and to have sole responsibility for a two year old. Just because you and your girls are disappointed, doesn't mean your FIL and partner are the bad guys here.

Comment of the day 👏🏾

Really? I've done 32 cruises (!) and I don't know any cruise line that will allow minors to be in a cabin without an adult. I'm assuming that you were pretending one of you was with them and one with the younger child, but were then going to let the girls be on their own? That would have been reported by the cabin steward if it had happened.

Yeah but why post before reading the thread fully? 🤣

Very x

@VickyEadieofThighthis is the policy and they were booked into their own cabin.

No I do see the point, but she confused the story throughout and if she had been clear from the start I doubt as many people would on her side and calling her partner shit. I think it’s fair to call people out when they’re giving half a story. Sorry but I don’t just believe the OP is in the right immediately coz she’s a woman like half of MN does.

The person who's being a dick is your partner. He is not behaving like a partner but like your younger brother or teenage son - he's certainly not behaving like a father to his biological child, let alone your children from a previous relationship.

Those who are saying you're unreasonable presumably skimmed over the fact that this is paid for by your father, not his.

It's to celebrate your father's partner's birthday - very sketchy relationship between that person and your own "partner" (who fully deserves the inverted commas) if you and the kids aren't there.

I responded to the first post which CLEARLY stated that it was her dad. I am fully within my rights to assume that the first post contained correct information. How easy is it to write dad instead of father in law? Not very easy at all (in my view). So that is what I responded to. And, IF the op had managed to provide that simple piece of information correctly, my comment would have been perfectly acceptable. If I were the OP, I would have removed the post as the whole thread is completely ridiculous bearing in mind the original mistake. So no - the mistake is not mine. I am allowed to respond to a thread where the first post contains specific factual information, without having to read the following 12 pages. The fault does not lie with me.

Your partner is not their legal guardian, however.

FFS read the thread!!! It’s her PARTNERS dad who has paid. He has now said it’s adults only.

You see - I am not the only one that did not read the update. It is NOT her father. It is her father's partner. The OP "made a mistake" in her first post. If the OP had simply deleted this thread and started a new one, how easy it would have been for those people bothering to have an opinion. I have already been jumped on for not reading the whole thread. Why should we have to when we only want to respond to the first post!

Well yeah but generally when a thread is so many pages long it’s fair to assume the situation and conversation has moved on from the OP, so really you should look for updates? Common sense that. Don’t worry I have called out the OP.

I think people are being unfair. On here I constantly hear how step children are the same as bio children and he’s been in their lives since they were very young so a father figure to them for all intents and purposes. Also they are old enough to not need constant supervision so to not take them feels really mean. It’s not like you’re asking him to take two randos off the street; he’s lived with them, and been responsible for them for a decade! I don’t think it’s fair that he gets to go off and leave you pregnant and with three children so he can have a jolly. A two year old is tricky, but again, it’s not any two year old; it’s HIS child. He should take the girls or the toddler. He doesn’t get to opt out of it all just because you can’t go. I also don’t think you sound ungrateful at all. You don’t want them to move it, you just want a bit of consideration. I think he’s being a dick tbh