How are they doing all these things with newborns?!?!

[CEMummy]

FTM here - DS is 8 weeks old and I think I just need a sense check here. The WhatsApp group from our antenatal class is full of chat about going to the cinema, going out for lunch, trips to friends and local attractions etc. I’m EBF and had a difficult recovery from a CS and DS is not the easiest baby, nor does he let me sleep for more than 3 hours at a time - how on earth are they doing all of these things?!?! The babies range in age from 2-10 weeks and I just feel like I’m nowhere near doing all this fancy stuff, if I can get out for a walk or to a cafe I feel like I’ve done well. Are they just lucky?!?!

Do they have family support? It could be their babies sleep better and they are getting a lot of breaks, and even people along with them on these trips to help out.

You do you. Sit and watch box sets all day and feed at this point. There'll be plenty of time to get out to cinemas in the next 18 years

Got to say all the people on my social media /friends who did this were formula feeding so could leave baby with someone else, I EBF too and was like I can’t leave baby at all? My freedom was back after a year as he eats solid food amazingly well so can leave him for a day out now! But plenty of time for all that anyway. When I was happy breastfeeding out and about I did used to go on long coffee dates and lunches(before he learnt to crawl haha)

I think it depends on the baby amd the circumstances. You had major surgery and are now getting very little sleep, so you are bound to need more recovery. I couldn't have gone to the cinema baby sessions with ds1, it would have been a disaster. But did go to a few with ds2, who was completely different. Maternity leave is to look after yor baby and yourself, so don't worry about excursions. A trip to the corner shop is just as stimulating for the baby as going to national trust.

I was on a high for about a year after having DC1 so was all over the place, BFing wherever necessary (gave up at 12 weeks as it was hell that whole time and he was skin and bone, but didn’t stop me going out). Maybe they just feel like that?

With DC3 I took every chance to sit in bed watching telly and having newborn cuddles.

Theres no right or wrong, but if you want to be going out and about and you’re not, find a way. Take what you need, stay in the present moment, go places it’s easy to bail and head home from.

I remember telling myself a lot when I had newborns ‘at the moment, everything is totally fine and I am Doing It’. The present moment is all you have, take it a moment at a time and course correct as necessary.

You ARE doing well getting out for a walk or cafe.

Noone is going to say on social media - Sat in my pyjamas all day feeling like a zombie eating toast....

You are healing and feeding and that is enough. Enjoy your baby!

Ah, OP, reassuring hug from me.
I was in exactly your position - it gets better!
They were all going out doing buggy fit classes, holidays and all sorts and I felt like I'd climbed a mountain to go to my mum's house.
I'd had the "worst" birth so the physical and mental recovery took a long time, and when you feel ill and vulnerable, outings are such a challenge, and quite scary alone.
They all said they were breastfeeding but it turned out they were doing "hungry baby" formula at night so the dads could help and the babies seemed to sleep longer. I was fully breastfeeding, cluster feeding etc and my DP was fucking useless to boot so I was exhausted.

You do you, take the wins, recover, enjoy your baby. Id much rather be watching Netflix then sitting in a noisy coffee shop trying to enjoy myself while still sore and knackered. We're all different, and that's ok .

I exclusively pumped with my first, and EBF second. With both, I basically didn’t leave the house apart from a quick turn around the block and one lunch out with hubbie while he was on paternity leave, for the first 3 months. I just ate, hydrated, slept as much as possible, and recovered from CS. It’s called the 4th trimester for a reason!

This was me, and I also EBF. I had a very straightforward birth so that was one key difference, and I just felt very isolated and confined at home. I didn't find it to be that much of an issue to stick baby in the sling and head out; that was the only place he was happy. And I always had milk with me so I didn't need to bring much. I remember calling some baby groups to ask if I could come along and not understanding why they were so startled when I said my baby was two weeks old.

If it makes you feel better, I was pushing myself too hard and the wheels eventually came off. But I had to get our and about or I'd have gone mad.

After DC1 c section I was out canoeing, I was diving, I was out running with the pram for hours. DC2 c section I didn’t leave the house for 6 weeks other than to be readmitted into hospital. Don’t compare. Take care of yourself

Some people just want to be up and out, doesn't mean you have to be.

I was a do all the things type of newborn mum but my babies slept in 5hr stretches from birth, my births were easy, babies were happy to be put down whenever and I didn't find breastfeeding hard. Just how they were nothing I did.

It was much more challenging to get out once they were toddlers, bigger angrier and wanted to wear one flip flop, one wellington and an inside out rain mac in the snow. Now my friends have lovely sweet gentle toddlers who sit nicely at lunch time while mine rip up menus and eat sugar packets - give me a newborn any day of the week.

SM is the extremely edited highlights of peoples lives. You only see the bits that go well, not the times they poo through three outfits (the babies and mums!) While trying to go to the supermarket or the pacing up and down at 3am as its the only way baby sleeps.

Hang in there. YOU'VE GOT THIS. YOU ARE A GOOD MUM.

I have a one year old who was EBF. The first 6-8 weeks are intense, and to be honest I did very little other than breastfeed. I certainly wasn't going out to the cinema. I had a section and did nothing other than watch TV in the days of cluster feeding.

Breastfeeding is obviously lovely and has a lot of benefits, but unless you're pumping and able to leave babe (which I personally didn't because it's bloody time consuming!), the main downside is that there is no leaving baby with dad/family to have a few hours to yourself in the early days.

You are doing well!! Going to a cafe is awesome. Recover in your own time and just enjoy relaxing and watching some shit on TV whilst cuddling your baby. I barely left the house for about 6 weeks 😂

Someone with a 7/8 month old baby told me, ‘just you wait. You’re in the easy bit!’.

Was I bollocks. She had a potato newborn that just slept and gurgled where it was put. It was a shock for her, and hard work, when that baby began to move about.

I had a high needs, never put down, constant jiggle newborn that didn’t sleep by day and not for long at night. When he could crawl and entertain himself by emptying cupboards and exploring life got so much easier!

All babies are different. Some sit in their pod under a table and get taken to restaurants. Others just don’t do that. It’s not you! You are doing fine.

Babies are very different. My first was at her happiest when we were out doing things, so it actually made her more relaxed. My second was the opposite so it was a very different experience.

I found Ds the easiest the first 3-4 months. I didn’t have c section, and breastfed so didn’t need to take anything with me.
So just took Ds with me in sling or pram on walks, to have lunch somewhere outside ( was covid so not much open tbf)

After 4 months he was sitting and crawling so got bored easily and after 9 months walking so no peaceful lunches out.

He didn’t sleep at 3 months old, and still doenst sleep much at 5 years so there’s no much difference there. Except now he needs entertainment when out and snacks, and moms about tired legs.

I don't understand why people want to go to the cinema and attractions with a newborn what's the point. Maybe they just don't like being at home and are bored or only do it so they can put it on social media. I was happy to stay at home with my baby.

They may just be lucky and have easy babies! My DS is nearly 5 months and I can safely say the first 12 weeks were hell. I couldn’t put him down, he only contact napped and he fought every single nap with crying and wailing every time without fail. Honestly it’s was horrible.

Luckily he was happy to sleep in the stretchy wrap. Towards the end of the fourth trimester I managed to get out the house most days mainly for my own sanity.

It’s easy to think that people are doing all these things but in reality they’re probably having just as hard a time. Some people are just lucky and have easy babies though as frustrating as that is!

I sympathise OP. I had a clingy baby who cried whenever she was put down and a gruelling pump schedule to contend with as baby didn’t latch but I insisted on only feeding breast milk. I was lucky if I was dressed the first few months. We didn’t start regularly attending classes until she was 9 months old.

I think it’s down to individual circumstances but also personality. I can honestly say aside from pressure from social media I wasn’t too fussed about going out and about with baby. I was a homebody pre-baby and we had a lovely time without the stress of having to be up and out. I know others would’ve got cabin fever but I was quite content to be nap trapped on the sofa with a box set on.

I was up and out with both of mine pretty quickly (6 weeks first and 2 weeks second). But I'm not the sort of person who can sit at home all day every day even if knackered. I also had a difficult baby first time (although formula fed) and didn't get more than 1.5 hours sleep at a time until about 6 months. Easy baby second time though but a 4.5 year old as well so no chance to sit at home all day.

Sometimes its down to the baby, sometimes its down to your mentality and sometimes its down to necessity if you have older children.

Neither approach is right or wrong in my opinion. Some friends preferred staying home as they struggled to get out of the house in the first few months. I would visit them to ensure they saw someone who wasn't someone they lived with. Some friends preferred to be out and about, like me. I had to have a few things planned in for the week otherwise it would feel a drag. Even if that was just a walk somewhere, or a weekly class.

I assume you mean they are taking the baby? I don’t know anyone who was going to the cinema on their own or for nights out with friends with a very young baby.

But definitely I was able to go to lunch with my baby or to see friends or on days out after about 4 weeks. With my first, we went away to see family at 4 weeks. With my 2nd, I had to go get bloody photos and fingerprints done like 2 hours away for a visa application when ds was 2 weeks old, so had to schlep him and all his stuff on a 2 hour drive for this visa appointment and then we had a pub lunch. Obviously much easier with your second though.

I FF both my babies, and after a week or so recovery (2nd was CS) I used to spend my days at coffee shops, baby classes, museums, friends houses etc. I'd be out all day with DS1, but with DS2 my day was restricted by school runs; however, it did mean I always knew we'd all be ready, dressed and out by 8:45am as we had to be for school run, so after dropping DS1 I'd head out and about with DS2.

It isn't a case of those mum's being 'better' - they're probably just bored! For me, newborns (babies generally tbh) are incredibly boring. So boring. So I actively had to be out the house a lot otherwise I felt I was going stir crazy! I needed adult conversation! DS1 was a hard baby and always grizzly 24/7, so it was a choice between being lonely and bored at home with a grizzly baby or being out with some company with a grizzly baby 😂

Once they got older and had nap schedules (6 months ish) we'd be out most the day, but would always come back at lunch so they could have a nice long nap in their cot whilst I relaxed!

Some people really overdo it when they have their first baby. I think there's a bit of proving to themselves that their life doesn't have to change that much. Sometimes they are running away from PND. Sometimes they just think they should. But it catches up with you in the end if you don't take the time to recover.

Of course there are some people who are just go go go by nature and that's what they enjoy.

But I know a lot of mums who burnt themselves out early on.

Take it easy, rest, skin to skin, you've got time to do all these things and you'll be better off for taking it slow.

Subsequent babies it's carnage, you'll be at your local soft play with a mental toddler and a newborn strapped to you at 5 days pp.

I didn't really manage to get out of house much first 6 weeks. If you haven't had too much to recover from newborns can be pretty portable and there are cinema showings where you can take babies, but honestly the amount of activity you're seeing seems unusual to me, if nothing else the sheer getting used to a baby takes 6-12 weeks in terms of getting out and about.

You need time to recover from major abdominal surgery and have a baby that doesn't sleep well, look after yourself and don't worry about anyone else.

I had DD1 in my 20s, she was such an easy baby that fell into a good routine and despite stitches and all the drugs, I had a straightforward birth. I was out and about a lot when she was tiny, I remember having a day around the Trafford Centre when she was 3wks old. I was at baby group at 2wks but I completely understand those that need time to adjust to it all and heal their bodies and look after their high needs baby.

This period of a baby's life is when they need you to devote yourself to them . Nothing else matters. They need the security of your presence and do not need all these external distractions - these will come later. They do not have the brainpower to deal with more than you and your partner.

If you want to go out and do things then that too is fine, but it would be for your benefit and not the baby's.

Stop comparing! -0 this could become a burden during the upbringing of your child. You do you. Just do what feels right to you.