How are they doing all these things with newborns?!?!

[CEMummy]

FTM here - DS is 8 weeks old and I think I just need a sense check here. The WhatsApp group from our antenatal class is full of chat about going to the cinema, going out for lunch, trips to friends and local attractions etc. I’m EBF and had a difficult recovery from a CS and DS is not the easiest baby, nor does he let me sleep for more than 3 hours at a time - how on earth are they doing all of these things?!?! The babies range in age from 2-10 weeks and I just feel like I’m nowhere near doing all this fancy stuff, if I can get out for a walk or to a cafe I feel like I’ve done well. Are they just lucky?!?!

Ah op! Congrats! A new baby is tough. Don’t be so hard on yourself and don’t start comparing. It will just stress you out. Unnecessarily. Everyone is different. I was out and about too after a c section with my newborn but I was not EBF. However, I did struggle during the 3-5 month period! Couldn’t bloody get out the door, let alone a chance to shower or pee! During those two months I didn’t have 1 single day that went even a fraction smoothly. I can just cry reflecting on how isolating/failure I felt. So don’t beat yourself up. You might have an easier time when your baby is a little older. Right now, you are doing all you can and your very best. Much love from another first time mum.

Ahhh, you are not alone, I felt EXACTLY the same! Ftm and ebf too, I didn't have a c section and still felt way too fragile from labour, and way too sleep deprived to even leave the house 90% of the time. Throw in the overstimulating new born cries when we were out, I couldn't grasp how others did it, and still dont! LO has just turned 11 months and only in the last month or so have I done a single baby group, or had anything like what resembles my expectations of what mat leave would look like. Thats not to say you will be indoors for 11 months, but just that your experience is entirely normal. Congratulations on your baby ♥️ one day at a time, it gets easier (promise), and do whatever feels comfortable, you're doing fab xxx

It definitely does get easier! I EBF with both DC at least for a while and whilst I found it challenging to get out, it made me feel so much better. If you’re happy doing what you’re doing, that’s fine! Don’t put pressure on yourself to do things you think you should be doing just because others are. If you do want to go and it feels unachievable, just make it the only thing you ‘have’ to do for the day, get your bag ready the night before and go along but know you can leave whenever you want/need to.

I can never be bothered. It’s a drama to get out the door and I quite like the excuse to slouch about.

However babies are generally less work when you are out. I don’t know what it is. Some kind of survival mechanism? If they screamed like they do at home, when out and about in the olden days; then I am pretty sure one of the angry drunkards would have thrown it in a bush or the scary horsemen would have chopped its head off. Thats what I tell myself anyway when I ponder why oh why are they always so good when out.

So maybe that’s why they are out. That it’s actually easier for them.

You just do what’s easiest for you OP and don’t worry about it.

DS1 was an EMCS. I had a relatively quick recovery but it took 3 weeks before I could do more than totter. I went out for coffee but only be cause DH or my mum drove me and carried DS.
DS2 was a VBAC. Was in a couple of days but went out for a walk with the pram the day I got home.
A CS is major surgery and does knock you back.

Also breastfeeding is a funny old business. Some babies just seem to get it and feed easily so it's easy to take them out. Others are fussy and tricky. I was lucky. My DNiece really struggled.

Like others, you do you. It’s fine for them to do what they’re doing, equally fine for you to do what you feel like. Personally I was going stir crazy after 24 hours in the house with a newborn and getting out each day + having some form of social contact was vital. It made me feel normal and was essential for my mental health. I wouldn’t think to judge someone who didn’t do the same, nor would I expect to be judged. It’s a hard old time however you deal with it. Just do what’s right for you.

It's up to you but I personally just like getting out the house!

Honestly with DD because DS was at preschool and DH had two months off I spent week 3- 8 doing nice trips with him. Lovely weather so we did some national trusts and pubs. I had an elective section and I exclusively breastfeed but I am happy to do it wherever, whenever.

Totally depends on the baby. In my experience newborns are pretty portable and once you have a toddler you can't sit and chill out in a cafe or pub garden! Also they don't make a huge drama of leaving the house like my 3 year old does!

DS would only sleep on the move so I went out a lot!

I did a lot of this with my third, partly because she was my third, partly because my other two needed to do stuff (I promised to take them to a fun fair so did that about 6 days PP 🤦‍♀️)… also all three have been pretty portable, pop them in a sling/pram and go. None have needed to breastfeed for extended periods, 10 minutes would be long. Eldest didn’t sleep for long at all but at least she was content to sit in the pram and be pushed around shops and museums.

A combination of inclination to do it and luck to get a baby who will let you.

If it helps I have been housebound by my kids where older, when yours is 3-6+ you will likely have MUCH more freedom than I do now.

So many variables! C sec recovery makes things harder, breastfeeding takes a lot longer etc. maybe they have family support or more helpful partners. Maybe they’re more chill- I wasn’t! Just enjoy the 3h sleep stretches. Neither of my girls would do that😂

Yeah DC1 was a screamer at times, I learned to have a bag packed and when it was a bad day just grab it and go out

If bottle feeding then you're on a schedule.

Also, some people just like being out and about vs home.

I wish I went to baby cinema more!

Time to do whatever I want during the day is at an absolute premium. I’ve never really had it. I’ve never had so much time as I did when they were very new and I wanted to make the absolute most of it. I have only ever had between two and six weeks of time off after having a baby so I was going to use it to do as many things as I possibly could. After what felt like just a few days in some cases I had to think about work and managing work and returning to work and keeping babies fed and happy. So for the first few weeks absolutely right I was going out, locally as well as further afield, to fun places, hiking, on holidays, camping, zoo, all the places I’d been wanting to go, and getting things done like hairdresser dentist optician dog groomer, declutter and decorating that I never have a minute to sort, whilst I can - and babies come too. It wasn’t easy but I cannot be a sit still kind of person, I think I’d go mad. And after going back to work, there never is a minute because babies needs come first and work comes a very close second and any of my needs are always bottom of the pile. And have been ever since.

Your baby doesn’t want to go to the cinema or yoga or whatever. Your baby just wants to be with you, wherever you are. I wish I’d known this when my first DC was a baby. Just enjoy your time and don’t stress. You’re doing a great job.

Possibly because when they go back to work the opportunity is lost
Most of the mum’s I knew were back at work from when their baby turned 3 months old

I was one of those people out from the start (and EBF). I just couldn’t cope with the isolation of being at home alone with my first baby! I had an easy delivery though and recovered in a day or two. It was week 5 that I starting being out every day. I found that it got easier quickly once I just went for it and went out. Baby cinema is the BEST! You won’t regret going.

Second time around I had a c-section and a baby that wasn’t feeding well in the first couple of weeks. I spent sooooo much more time on the sofa - relaxing with my baby when my toddler was at nursery was bliss, whereas with my first, the chance to socialize and have fun was the novelty.

I'm not a sit still person really and was just v excited to not be at work and have time to do fun things (FTM to a now 5-month old in London).

I had a C-section but recovered really well - no pain after a few days, out meeting some of the NCT girls on week 2, baby carrying and comfortable lifting the pram by week three etc. I also love baby cinema - feels like a real connection to my old life when I'd go to the cinema a lot! But within my group, we had a loaf of varied recoveries and approaches, there's no right or wrong - do what is right for you! I personally find myself bouncing off the walls if I don't have multiple things planned and go out each day, but appreciate lots of people don't.

14 weeks PP, also had a CS and extended hospital stay, I felt exactly the same when my baby was 8 weeks old - you'll be amazed at what you can do once he starts sleeping a little longer - if you want to of course, there's absolutely no obligation to get out and start doing things, don't let yourself feel pressured and go at your own pace. Going out to a coffee shop at this stage is already a huge accomplishment. Around the 8-10 week mark our little one started to go for longer stretches and it made a huge difference to how I was feeling. Also EBF and I feel a lot more comfortable going out solo now, provided I have a plan and know I'll be able to sit and feed comfortably and have access to changing facilities etc. when you feel ready, experiment with going out somewhere once and you'll help to build up your confidence.

With more difficulty than they let on on social media! The cinema trip is bizarre and wrong, surely they wouldn’t allow a baby into a cinema, their poor ears!

Totally depends on the birth Thry had, the support network, wether they are breastfeeding and how easy the baby is. Also if it’s first child or not.
dont compare, you are just setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery if you constantly look to others and see yourself lacking.
If you are happy in your little cocoon accept that everyone is different and you are where you want to be.

I didn't bf but i just did it it is thought thr day before what I wanted to do the next day ans baby tagged along, I didn't think about the logistics just got on with it and worked it out as I went I would have gone insane stuck indoors

DC1 an EMCS with a shitty recovery, woke hourly until age 2, EBF at least every 90 minutes till 9 months and pooed every time she fed, started teething at three months and crawling at five months: I was on my knees with horrified exhaustion. And surrounded by a perky WhatsApp group saying things like “I’m not like you, I had to get out on day one, right back in the pub” like I’d chosen to be in hospital?! Aargh. She’s a very easy child now.

DC2 slept round the clock till six months and is now at two an emotional terrorist and borderline criminally insane. On my knees again!

They’re all different and so are mothers: you’re not doing maternity leave “wrong”. The best thing I ever did for mental health was leave the NCT group chats far behind and find 1-2 like-minded friends with similar babies or sympathy to my bad baby woes. It did me zero good to hear about someone else’s FF freedom or sleeping through the night.

I needed to be out and about. I would have gone crazy stuck at home looking at the washing piling up. I took DD away to a family wedding at 5 weeks old and we were always popping out to shops and cafes. I had family that lived on a farm about an hour away so I'd drive up there and walk her round in her pram. The independent cinema in the nearest city did screenings of new releases for parents of babies under 1. I went a couple of times a month and sat feeding DD or playing with her while I watched a half decent film that I otherwise would probably never have seen. I didnt bother with baby groups or classes til she was quite a bit older but I guess maybe we did rhyme time at the library or something. I was never separated from her and wasnt particularly going out with friends or socialising but I definitely couldn't have stayed home all day.

I had an EMCS fairly recently, but I had no choice but to go out and do all those things with a 3 year old in tow - there’s no option of hiding away in the house. I also EBF! However do whatever you feel comfortable with, enjoy the lazy days in the house it goes by fast! With our first I was out fairly quickly at baby classes - from 4 weeks, but I wasn’t out fully at 3 days pp like I had been this time. Don’t
compare yourself to others, you’re doing great!

I had a rough birth so took a few weeks to heal but at 10 weeks I bought a sling and took ds hiking. I was bored and lonely, it was summer and mum&baby groups really weren't my thing.

Ds watched the world go by as I walked the ridgeway and lost my baby weight. He got used to having his bum changed at the edge of a cornfield. We had a lovely summer. 😊