How are they doing all these things with newborns?!?!

[CEMummy]

FTM here - DS is 8 weeks old and I think I just need a sense check here. The WhatsApp group from our antenatal class is full of chat about going to the cinema, going out for lunch, trips to friends and local attractions etc. I’m EBF and had a difficult recovery from a CS and DS is not the easiest baby, nor does he let me sleep for more than 3 hours at a time - how on earth are they doing all of these things?!?! The babies range in age from 2-10 weeks and I just feel like I’m nowhere near doing all this fancy stuff, if I can get out for a walk or to a cafe I feel like I’ve done well. Are they just lucky?!?!

How comfortable are you with breastfeeding in public? I think that was the main thing that kept me at home with my first (that, and a fear that DD would start crying and I wouldn’t be able to stop her!).

Eventually you just realise that you can do pretty much everything you did before. The local cinema do baby screenings where it isn’t as loud, isn’t as dark etc but it’s still an adult film. I took DD when she was small and she just fed and slept the whole way through. I did have to endure The Flash, but DH had been keen to see it and honestly it was nice to get out.

You do you. I would have gone stark raving mad still mostly stuck at home 8 weeks in. Newborns are lovely but let’s be honest also pretty boring. A long pram walk was the best way to get a good nap, gentle exercise is great for c-section recovery and meeting up with people stopped me feeling isolated.

I had a rough birth so took a few weeks to heal but at 10 weeks I bought a sling and took ds hiking. I was bored and lonely, it was summer and mum&baby groups really weren't my thing.

Ds watched the world go by as I walked the ridgeway and lost my baby weight. He got used to having his bum changed at the edge of a cornfield. We had a lovely summer. 😊

I was this mum to a degree. (Though I shut up about it!). I had a difficult section and a post partum hemorrhage. I was a solo mum by choice so just me and my daughter at home.
I went to Asda three days after birth, then went to the hospital on day 4 for a blood transfusion...
I went to cafes, friends houses, family visits further away, I stayed down by the beach for days at a time, I went to national trusts and zoo visits.

She didn't sleep for more than 25 minutes at a time due to a milk allergy that took some time to get sorted.

Honestly? I regret it a bit.

Yes I loved seeing friends in that time but I still remember now, 4 years on, the absolute sobbing meltdown when she turned 4 months and I realised I'd lost all that snuggly home time where we were meant to heal. I did what I thought was what was meant to be done, and to a degree I guess I wanted to prove that I was managing on my own.

But if I am lucky enough to have a second, we will be hunkering down and enjoying that time at home.

Especially now that I've realised it was the one time she didn't need "entertainment!".

You're doing everything right.

You are doing brilliantly, i think i had left the house with ds1 on our own once when he was 8 weeks old and i hadn't even had a difficult birth with him, he was just unsettled and i was nervous. I had one baby who was very chilled and slept a lot as a newborn but he was my 5th after a very small age gap so i had 2 toddlers as well as him. We basically moved in to the local softplay back in the day when you could stay all day, have lunch and still have change from £10.

Also depends on baby.
Mine screamed murder if I sat down unless feeding . So I never understood how people watched tv with baby.
So it’s was far easier and nicer to walk baby outside than just round and round living room.

Just do what works for you and don't worry about what other people are doing. Some people might find getting out and about easy while others could be putting on a brave face but actually finding it stressful.

Theres nothing wrong with taking time to recover from major surgery at home and get used to looking after your baby. Newborn babies are happiest feeding and cuddling/sleeping on you and don't need to be out and about unless you want to go out. Theres plenty of time for baby classes or groups later on if you want to go them. I would be quite happy to hibernate in front of TV again with my 2nd although I suspect that won't be possible this time round.

Some people will have easier babies who are more portable.

Some people will have more family help/be formula feeding so the baby can be left for a few hours.

Some people will be the type who need to be out and about and struggle being at home so they're doing it for their own sanity.

Some people will be struggling to get out and about but will feel that they're failing if they don't so they push themselves.

The key thing is that absolutely none of it has any bearing on you, your baby or your experience. The quicker you learn to focus on your situation and ignore what other people are doing the better a parenting experience you will have. Other people/their children doing things differently/better/before you is a constant as a parent. Learn to ignore it now and save yourself a lot of angst down the road.

Not EBF and probably had easier births than you did. Plus some babies are just less work than others at a particular stage. It's not anything you've done wrong, some new mums will simply have circumstances that are more conducive to getting out and about.

Thanks everyone, it’s so nice to hear all these stories and know that my experience is not all that unusual!

I do definitely want to be out and about more eventually (and am comfortable BF in public) but I’m just shattered and really not ready to be going out all the time, especially when pushing the pram or baby wearing is still a bit uncomfortable for me post CS. DH works long hours during the week and therefore can’t help a lot weekdays plus we don’t live near family so that puts a lot more on me and impacts what I feel like doing.

Think I just need to take the WhatsApps with a pinch of salt for now, lean into what I can and manage to do and not overthink it too much! Thanks everyone! 😊

If anything, embrace every second of being at home! I absolutely wish I did and wish I'd listened to my body back then.

People want to do different things and do different things to make a tricker time easier.

i had a c section and ebf but found that being out and about made things less lonely.

It’s just different people, situations, lifestyles, really. I found staying home very difficult, isolating and boring after DH was back at work, so we were out a lot of stuff and I was lucky to have a small social group of new mums that I saw frequently and we went a lot places together, sometimes out for most of the day. It was for my benefit, not particularly DD1’s. I needed social interaction and adult chat! DH and I did baby cinema a couple of times, it was pretty good actually! DD1 just slept through it all.

With DD2 I had an older child so needed to be out at stuff for her, so that was less of a choice thing and more necessity, but it was much easier than having both at home all day anyway. We were out at stuff from first week really.

I had two sections but found recovery easy thankfully.

But it’s just personal preference. Some people are just active people generally, others are homebodies, it’s the same with or without a baby in the mix too.

Easier baby!
DC1 was so hard I couldn’t even get out the door lots of days.

DC3 is a dream (8 weeks old) and I can do a day at a toddler petting farm with 3 children under 5 by myself. I can do a supermarket shop with 3 under 5… it’s a different ball game when baby is content

(all section babies)

Exactly this. I had a stage 5 clinger, and it was HARD.

OP, comparison is the their of joy. Please be kind to yourself, it’s highly unlikely any of them are in the exact same boat as you, mums and babies are all so different to each other x

There is no wrong or right approach. And some days are easier and some days very, very hard! I found my second was much easier to get out with simply because I had no choice. Dd1 there were many days when I couldn't even manage to get us both ready to go out before 2pm.

Oh, and my baby was most certainly not "easy" (he was clingy AF, I could not put him down ever and he got easily overstimulated), but I felt less like I was totally losing my sanity when I was out in the world with other people.

The "point" of going to the cinema with a newborn was to be in an environment where I didn't have to worry about him crying and also get to see a film..? Just like the point of going to an exhibition with him in the sling was to... see the exhibition.

If I'd known then what I know now I'd have chilled more. But we all have different coping strategies.

I had a straightforward recovery and a fairly easy baby, plus i go mad in the house. When they're a few weeks old mine only cried off they needed something so we could go out to fancy restaurants with the grandparents because a feed or change fixed everything. At 4 months it's a bit harder because he's heavier, i can't change him on my lap and he cries when he's pissed off which isn't easily fixable

Depends on a lot of things. With my first DC, I struggled to do much and it would take me ages to get out of the house. My third DC just came along everywhere from day one and I wondered what the problem had been with my first! Maybe some mums adapt quicker to the reality of having a baby, don't worry as much about what could go wrong, have easier babies... There are many reasons but there is no need to put pressure on yourself to be the same. There is nothing wrong with spending a lot of time at home with a newborn!

I had to be up and out everyday for my MH .
Take it easy OP and do what works for you.

I think it just depends I loved seeing friends and family or going to exhibitions with baby in a sling etc. And with my first I had a dog, so was out walking him straight away 2-3 x a day. With my second I had a dog and a toddler, so had to be out and about with them a lot. My partner and I used our leave both times to go travelling after each baby as a family, and I absolutely treasure those memories and pictures. However I had a difficult recovery after an emergency c section with my second, and I absolutely should have rested more and postponed our trip a bit.

Everyone is different and you should do what you feel up to. Even if it’s just a walk with friends, going out for coffee/lunch whatever. You’ve had major surgery and you need to recover

I was one of those out and about mums, but I had a 4 hour labour no complications, a sleepy laid back baby, a husband that 100% pulled his weight and I was bottle feeding.

I wanted to be out all the time as I wasn’t able to take maternity leave as I ran my own business, so I was out all day as my DH worked from home I liked being busy and then would get home at 4 and work till midnight sometimes till the 2pm feed and then repeat.

So I was very envious of the mums who were able to chill, rest and relax and didn’t have to be out almost days, the mums who didn’t have to be checking emails, seeing what work was piling up, to be able to relax and enjoy their little ones.

I don’t have regrets but I do think what you have aside for the recovery sounds like bliss! And the out and about mums may have their reasons to be super busy.

I dunno.. I got my nails done when DD was 3 days old - brought her with me.

Took her abroad on her first holiday when she was 12 weeks.

Breastfed so if I wanted my nails done or a holiday, then babies had to come too.

Much harder now taking DS10 and DD3 anywhere. 😂

I was out a lot but staying in tested my sanity and I was lucky that I had an easy baby, husband off for 12 weeks and very involved, plus bars/cafes literally steps from my door so it was no stress to go out, but you wouldn't be able to tell that from social media. plus, she breastfed really well and anywhere so I didn't have to worry about bottles etc.

It totally depends on you, your birth and your baby! I had to stay at home for a couple of weeks with my eldest as he was quite poorly and readmitted to hospital. I hated it! Babies two and three were fine so they were in the sling and out and about from day one. All are/were EBF but I think I’ve had it easier than some in that they don’t feed very frequently. Do whatever works best for you. ❤️