How are they doing all these things with newborns?!?!

[CEMummy]

FTM here - DS is 8 weeks old and I think I just need a sense check here. The WhatsApp group from our antenatal class is full of chat about going to the cinema, going out for lunch, trips to friends and local attractions etc. I’m EBF and had a difficult recovery from a CS and DS is not the easiest baby, nor does he let me sleep for more than 3 hours at a time - how on earth are they doing all of these things?!?! The babies range in age from 2-10 weeks and I just feel like I’m nowhere near doing all this fancy stuff, if I can get out for a walk or to a cafe I feel like I’ve done well. Are they just lucky?!?!

I was out and about but I had really easy babies, and much more confident going out with the second one.

I did have c sections so it was a slow start but I EBF'd so could feed them anywhere after the first few weeks, they slept all night, didn't cry much and they were happy to be set down in a pram. Not all babies are like that!

Also these people in your group are probably talking about the one outing a week they planned with military precision, and not talking about the rest of the week they spent on the sofa covered in baby vom and laundry.

If they have older children they just have to get on with it really. That’s the good thing about the first baby, you can actually take it slowly-enjoy!

Everyone is different OP and every baby is different. I had twins and I found it easier being out and about. I bottle fed though, not sure I could have done that if I was breast feeding.

My first was a nightmare baby. I had PND and was completely and utterly drained by horrendous sleep deprivation. She was a bottle refuser.

I did all of the outings and things pretty much all day every day and was rarely at home (didn’t wax lyrical about it, I’ll add) because sitting at home with just DD for company made me a nervous, anxious and depressed wreck. Getting out of the house was what kept me relatively sane.

I guess what I’m saying is don’t assume they’re not struggling just because they’re getting out more - we all cope in different ways.

Congratulations on your baby 🙂

Start posting on WhatsApp about how you both got dressed at 1pm today and you have managed to make yourself a cup of tea. There may be other people who also need to hear that. You are being amazing simply by getting up and looking after your baby. 😊

Some people do breeze through the newborn phase and some will absolutely exhaust themselves so it looks like they're breezing through.

Honestly, don't compare yourself and just do what works for you.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

I had easy births so being out and about with newborns was easy too. Friends that had c-sections were definitely not doing much in the early weeks.

I definitely did not go the the cinema with a baby and really can’t see the point. Too loud, too germy.

I remember feeling exactly the same when I had my babies - recovery after a c section is tough. I totally resonated with your post and my babies young teens - you are not the only one to feel like this. Take things at your own pace. Hope your sleep gets better soon and congrats on your new arrival x

I have 3 kids and ebf all of them and i felt the same. I did get out more with the third than the first because i have more support now but i definitely feel that those who formula feed get more sleep quicker and have more energy and are noticably moving on quicker. Doesn't mean thats right though. Embrace the season you are in before its all over.

People charge their batteries in different ways. My first was EBF, didn’t sleep well, I had a 3B tear, episiotomy and couldn’t walk without pulling at stitches for weeks. But the moment I could I walked and walked with the dog 3-4x a day. Everytime my son fussed we went out.
I did all the groups. It’s what I needed, other people thrive on the sofa at home. Don’t compare yourself.

My DD born in the height of summer, I felt good after birth and got a handle on feeding/combi feeding ok. Felt ok changing baby etc as I knew where the changing facilities were due to being close with my niece and spending lots of time with her as a baby.
Being out the house was essential for my mental health. We spent most of my husbands paternity leave out and about.
She fed every 2 hours until about 10 weeks. Light nights made night feeding better as it was darker for short periods of time. If she was a winter newborn of if I had a c section it would/could have been a totally different ball game.
At that age I felt she was the most transportable!
I also didn’t compare myself to anyone and often said to my daughter ‘well…I’ve never been a mam before and you’ve never been here before, so we’ll have to just figure it out!’ She nearly 6 and I feel like we’re still winging it! 🤣

I had to be out and about, I was bored out of my mind at home. It helped that I had easy babies and I also formula fed so could quickly time their feedings and get into a settled routine.

It also meant I was able to have dinner and leave baby for a few hours from 2 weeks old which made all the difference too.

Do some of those mums have older kids?
You kind of have to just get on with it when you’ve got older kids and tbh I find it a lot easier to take the kids out than trying to entertain them all in the house.

And other posters have made a very good point that people don’t point out when they’re just spending the day on the couch.

It's a rollercoaster.

I had loads of fancy dinners out, even went to a house party and also flew a 12 hour flight in the first 10 weeks. Also had a c section, EBF and no support whatsoever except a pretty good DH. I found it easy to be mobile at that point.

After 10 weeks? Lost my mind with sleep deprivation. Had a breakdown.

After 16 weeks? Got obsessed with sleep training and nap times and was still incredibly sleep deprived. This was around Christmas and I remember it well. It was a low point.

Months 5-7 - absolutely loved life. We sleep trained, breastfeeding was easy, I went out loads, and went on another long haul holiday.

11 months now and losing my mind again. Working full time, breastfeeding, teething, just had some stomach bug which sent baby to A&E a couple of weeks ago too. Stuck in the house because obviously a baby this age needs a 7-8 pm bedtime and I absolutely hate the monotony of it.

At that age I was aiming for 1 outing a day. This was either a walk with the pushchair or meeting up with NCT friends for a coffee or something like that. Everyone’s different - I would have found it way too stressful to try and do more. DS is 3 soon and I haven’t been to the cinema since before he was born!

Mute the WhatsApp chats and do what works for you ❤️

No clue at all.
I have an 8.5 month old and I think “how the f are you doing this shit with a newborn, and I can’t do it with an 8.5 month old?!” 😂

I guess some people drop lucky with “unicorn” babies. Mine had horrific colic, and would scream from about 5pm onwards, sometimes until the early hours. Sleep was a thing of the past! Socialising certainly wasn’t do-able. Even eating at home was impossible at times. Even now, she’s still rather unpredictable, and I haven’t attempted certain activities. Me and my partner tried to have a pub meal a couple of months ago, and we had peace for all of a few mouthfuls of food, so haven’t tried that one again!

All babies are completely different. My first child slept so well from the get go and was sleeping through for 12 hours at 10 weeks. I was doing everything as normal really pretty much from as soon as I had him. I remember thinking why do people find this so difficult ha ha ha ha little did I know 🤣🤣 when my second came along 17 months later and didn’t sleep for more than an hour or 2 before waking for the first 2 years, with an unsettled toddler. Well I was exhausted and could barely brush my hair 🤣🤣
comparison really is the thief of joy. You do you, and take your time, do things when you are ready and when your child starts sleeping more. Silence the wattsapp f
group if it is making you feel bad. Keep going the newborn phase doesn’t last forever xx

I had an emergency CS and lots of other health problems as a result of the pregnancy and birth. I could still barely walk by 8 weeks! I remember going on a baby cinema trip around that point and felt like I’d totally overdone it afterwards, especially carrying a car seat. Everyone heals/has different births and experiences postpartum differently - you do what’s best for you :)

To be fair, I was one of those that did loads with a newborn, but would not manage any of it past 8 months. Mine was crawling at 6 months and by 8 months he wouldn't be in a high chair or pram for long.

He's 11 months and we do go out a lot but it is in no way relaxing I.e. when we go to the pub, DH eats first, then I eat, and we alternate taking DS around. He will only sit as long as he's eating which is like 10 minutes max. He's then running around, stumbling, climbing etc etc.

Similarly, DH went on a work trip when DS was 8 weeks old for 2 weeks. I was fine. He has to go away next week and I'm in tears about it as DS is incredibly difficult to manage alone. His trip was meant to be for 10 days and I told him I'd divorce him if he went away for more than a week so he's re-arranged meetings for it to be 6 days only 🤣

We're going to fly long haul in a couple of months and i know it's going to be absolutely fucking awful. But getting there is more important to me than 24 hours of hell. People have different levels of tolerance for different things.

Completely agree with you there.
Everyone is different in terms of tolerance.
❤️

Just wanted to pop in and say you are doing amazing! I also had a C-section and as a ftm I was very focused on healing and establishing confidence to breastfeed. I didn’t even consider doing anything ‘wild’ such as coffees etc until I could drive 6 weeks pp but even then I had my mum in attendance most days even if it was just to pop to a local cafe.

remember every baby is different! I found the first 6 weeks life changing / earth shattering and pure chaos in both great / not so great ways at times! However I found it easier after 8+ weeks because I gained confidence, and I’m sure you will too!

My DS hated being a newborn, didn’t do long contact naps and got super frustrated if we weren’t on the move. I pretty much lived with him in the sling and out the house. I walked at least 12,000 steps a day for 6 months (post c section), mostly in the countryside with him and the dog but also going into nearby town to meet friends. I hated being stuck at home with him, to just sit there and stress about how utterly mind boggling tired I was. He screamed every evening so we didn’t do meals out unlike a good friend who was down the pub most nights socialising with hers.
All are different and everyone’s response is different. I would say that i FF and was soooo jealous of how easy it looked for BF mums when out and about whilst I had a huge bag of bottles of different temperature waters. Didn’t help DS would only drink warm milk too.

Same experience here 👍