Sleepover bedwettimg

[pollytunnelanna]

How is this dealt with?

My dsd is having her first sleepover for her 8th birthday with a group of girls from school. Next weekend. Invitations were dealt with by DP but one of the girls mums reached out to me specifically to explain her dd wanted to come but wasn’t dry at night and asked if I could discreetly help her sort her self out in the evening and morning so the other girls don’t find out.

My dc are under 2 and DSD has never had accidents since we met so I have no experience dealing with this or sleepovers in general.

Aside from putting her in a room on her I don’t know how reliably I can make sure none of the other girls find out, they’re all going to sleep down stairs in the playroom and I won’t be around. I also don’t understand the logistics of getting helping her get sort herself out, I’ve only briefly met her once and the other girls are going to be suspicious if I take her off on her own.

Way too young for a sleepover

a group of 7 and 8 year olds on a sleepover?

no. Too young

And the very crux of your thread rather demonstrates that point

I'd be quite upfront with the Mum and say something like 'of course I'd be happy to help her, but to be honest I've never dealt with bed wetting before so can you please let me know what it is that I need to help her with exactly?'

If you want you could add 'I'm a bit uncomfortable with doing any personal care and not sure how to go about this without the other girls noticing, has she been to a sleepover before?'

She probably wears a pull up and need a hand to get rid of it. If she can't 'sort herself out' she's probably not ready for a sleepover.

I don’t think it needs be that complicated. She can change in the loo and discreetly put her pull up on and tell her she can put the used one in the bathroom bin in the morning. Perhaps suggest she’s dropped off 5-10 minutes early than everyone else so you can talk to her and mum first and show her where the bin is before the others arrive.

And I don’t think it’s too young at all, DD’s school actively encouraged sleepovers ahead of the Y3 residental to help them adjust to sleeping away from home.

I would just provide her with a reason to be away from the group for a while so she can put it on and then again in the morning to take it off and dispose of it. Between those times there not much else you can do really. There is so much stigma for children still wetting at night, even those who are still quite young like she is ☹️

It’s dsd’s first sleepover with school friends but she’s had many with family friends/cousins and been find, lots of the girls in her class have already had multiple as well.
not the issue though, she’s already been told she’s allowed, invites have gone out and it’s happening next weekend.

She possible means a pull-up? The girl can put it on and then pop pyjamas over the top. Perhaps give her a plastic bag to put it in in the morning.

But I agree with others. 8 is way too young for a sleepover if she can’t sort herself out in this regard.

At this age, she’s probably not the only one.

You will have tears, home sickness and someone wanting to go home at 2am and another at 4am

God, this is going to be a nightmare and not just because of the bed wetting. 8 is too young.

Exactly

I can’t fathom that any mother of a 7/8 year old accepted an invitation from the DP, and what the heck was the mother of the bed wetter in particular thinking?!

Have you replied to the mum, you could try a different tact and opt out 'oh goodness I don't really know how to deal with that! As you know DP is dealing with all the sleepover arrangements as it's his DD party and I'll be busy with my little ones, do you mind if I pass this message onto him?'

You really shouldn't need to be dealing with someone else's children bodily functions at this age, when it was your dp that made the arrangements he can sort it! A bit different is they're unexpectedly sick or have an accident but when the mum knows she's going to wet herself it's not fair to put that on you.

It’s really not that young. I’m a beaver leader and we have beavers as young as 6 coming on group camp. By 8 we have loads coming for 2 nights. We have had a couple still in pull ups and usually they get changed in the toilet and discreetly give us their pull up in the morning to chuck in the bin. I’m not sure there’s much more to it?

Plenty of schools do residential from year 3 so not sure why this is considered too young. The brownies go away from 7 too.

OP I would speak to the Mum as you suggest and agree a plan that the girl can understand and is comfortable with. The usual cover story on school residentials is needing to administer medicine before bed and again in the morning. This allows the child to be taken to a separate room to change.

It really is just about trying to make sure they can change separately to the other girls. Girls that are don’t typically take themselves off to the bathroom to change so if she just did that it may look unusual.

I absolutely wouldn’t saddle this issue on another parent. Very selfish and unreasonable of this mother. If her child isn’t dry at night then that rules out sleepovers until the issue is sorted, end of

Does the child who wets want to go? It does seem young.

if she's just sleeping on a cheap camping mattress thing then you can just hopefully whip off the covers and help her change it. But yes, there's a chance the others will see. I guess she could say she spilled some water?

If she's going to potentially on a fancy couch or bed I wouldn't be keen to have someone staying who might be wetting the bed unless they supplied their own topper to stop it soaking through. It could ruin the furniture.

DSD’s school also do residentials in Y5 + Y6 so I think it’s good to get used to sleepovers before then.

we personally wouldn’t let DSD if she wasn’t reliably dry at night though, mostly for her sake

I don’t know a single school residential that took away 7 and 8 year olds.

Why all the weirdness about a sleepover in children of the very age that sleepovers are perfectly normal and fun way to spend time with friends?

Back in the dark ages I had this exact scenario. At bedtime I simply said ‘Right you all take it in turns to go clean your teeth and get changed in the bathroom - who’s first?’ And they all took it in turns to take their bags with pyjamas, toothbrushes, and pull-up for the child who needed one, into the bathroom. In the morning, ‘Right everyone take turns to get changed in the bathroom then we’ll all have breakfast’. Simple. All treated the same and no one knew said child was in a pull-up.

Surely this is a perfectly normal age to have sleepovers??

I’ve sent DD to sleepovers from 7 and she used to wet the bed. She was sent with a pull up which she could discretely put on in the bathroom and remove in the morning to put in the bag (and some wet wipes until she could have a shower at home). No issues and she had great times.

She’s 8 and has just been on a school residential where it clearly had a section on the form for if the child struggles with bedwetting with space to write requests for how to help them.

does she live with you op?

Nothing in the mum’s message suggests that she’s expecting OP to deal with bodily functions!! The girl is 8 so I’m sure she’ll sort herself out and the mum just wants to make sure there will be a private changing space and discreet access to a bin so the other girls don’t find out.

and asked if I could discreetly help her sort her self out in the evening and morning so the other girls don’t find out.

seems alike she’s definitely accepting the op to deal with it

Cannot understand all the hysteria about 8 year old sleepovers.
OP my son had a friend who still was bed wetting aged 8;. He had pull ups and I ensured he could come and find me to dispose of them before my son was awake. It can be sorted out discreetly.
Just make sure the child knows to come to you.

I’m sure she can do the physical dealing with it herself and I wasn’t being expected to actually touch or clean her it’s more the responsibility of making sure no one finds out that I’m worried about