Sleepover bedwettimg

[pollytunnelanna]

How is this dealt with?

My dsd is having her first sleepover for her 8th birthday with a group of girls from school. Next weekend. Invitations were dealt with by DP but one of the girls mums reached out to me specifically to explain her dd wanted to come but wasn’t dry at night and asked if I could discreetly help her sort her self out in the evening and morning so the other girls don’t find out.

My dc are under 2 and DSD has never had accidents since we met so I have no experience dealing with this or sleepovers in general.

Aside from putting her in a room on her I don’t know how reliably I can make sure none of the other girls find out, they’re all going to sleep down stairs in the playroom and I won’t be around. I also don’t understand the logistics of getting helping her get sort herself out, I’ve only briefly met her once and the other girls are going to be suspicious if I take her off on her own.

In that dp message the woman

“hi, I’m arranging the party and so best to message me. Anything i can help with?

It's really not that big a deal and very common at this age. Plus it's not a case of it being "sorted out", it's a hormonal issue and some children just do wet the bed much longer than others until they reach hormonal maturity. It would be pretty mean to exclude her from sleepovers just because of this, she probably feels bad enough about it already.

7-8 year olds are too young for sleepovers? Since when? Mine used to have them at that age.

Even so, I wouldn't want a child staying who wets the bed.

My 12 year old has only just stopped wetting the bed. He hasn't been to a sleepover yet and won't until he has been reliably dry for several months.

As a parent I’d say a child wetting the bed at someone else’s house is a fairly big deal, especially past the toddler stage. Embarrassing and potentially upsetting for the child who has to try and hide it from their friends. From a parental point of view hosting sleepovers is exhausting enough without likely having to deal with a wet bed in the middle of the night - I’ll happily be unpopular here but no, I don’t want to deal with a DC who isn’t mine’s accident.

My own DD had issues with incontinence (primarily related to anxiety) until she was 9. I absolutely would not have expected another parent to deal with this issue, nor would DD have wanted them to know. She didn’t go to sleepovers until she was 11 and the world didn’t end like some posters are suggesting..

I’m with you
I don’t want to deal with the urine of any child aside from my own
so I’d struggle in the OP’s shoes if her DSD ever wet the bed let alone a child I have briefly met in passing

It's not dealing with urine. It's just making sure a child knows where the appropriate bin is for their pull-up in the morning. Really normal and no big deal

Well if all works together out then yes
but seems a fairly reasonable assumption that dealing with urine (even emptying it from the bin!) is not out of realms of possiblity

You're absolutely right, I wouldn't want to deal with this either. It's really not what you signed up for.
Personally I think I'd be swinging her back to dp and asking her to chat to him about it as you're 'not getting involved in the sleepover plans' or something like that.
She's messaged you because you're a woman. If she's not comfortable with your dp then she really shouldn't be sending her DD for a sleepover.

For those saying it's as simple as making a bin available, it's really not! Those pull ups rarely hold a full night's wee for an 8yr old so there's the mess, smell and cleaning up of your home to deal with too. No thanks! We do that for our children because that's our role as parents but it's too much to ask of someone you barely know.

For those saying it's as simple as making a bin available, it's really not! Those pull ups rarely hold a full night's wee for an 8yr old so there's the mess, smell and cleaning up of your home to deal with too.
It has been in my experience. Anytime he sleeps out of our house DS, now 9 and a half, wear a pull-up. Never not held it, never had to do anything in a hotel other than put it in the bin and for a sleepover it's never been anything other than showing him the bin that the other parents need to do. At least 3 of his class are the same and other parents have been asked to just check they are wearing one. No drama or handwringing about it.

It really depends on the child and how bedwetting affects them. 2 of my dc were on medication and it was really important that they took their meds at the right time and didn't drink anything for an hour before taking their meds. Younger ds's pull up would leak badly most nights and I've lost count of the amount of ruined mattresses, despite waterproof covers on everything. It's not something a friend's parent should have to deal with.

But there's nothing to suggest at all that the girl's mother thinks there any risk of that and it's far more likely she is in fact a responsible parent who is only sending her daughter on a sleepover because it's not a big deal.

If I was OP my response automatically would just have been "of course, no worries" and assumed it meant all that was asked; that I checked she had her pull-up on and I'd shown her the bathroom bin.

You have extensive history of bed wetting and pull ups in an older child

I don’t
the OP doesn’t
so understandably might not be quite as gung ho as a veteran such as yourself

Kids school goes away in year 3 and 4. Christ my dd went away with rainbows overnight age 5. It’s absolutely not too young. They’ve been having sleepover parties since age 6/7 for years.

Just tell the girl which bin to put her pull up
in. I’m sure she can manage the rest herself

Maybe this will help her to be!

Well the thread isn’t just you
others with experience have said differently

If the mother did just mean telling the child where the bin is… why didn’t she just message the party girl’s father

rather then go to some lengths to get her step mother’s number

Agree

Not sure what the big drama is here about the girls having a birthday sleepover. I’d ring the mum and say hey what does she need? I’m assuming privacy to pop the pill up on and take off in the morning perhaps a nappy sack. Somewhere private to dispose of the pull
up. If it was me I’d make sure the girl had her privacy and be discreet. Other kids can be cruel and she may feel
embarrassed but she shouldn’t be excluded from a sleepover for it. X

All I can see is a few posts from people who have actually hosted sleepovers or run cub camps with children in pull-ups and confirmed it's neither unusual or anything that is difficult to deal woth. Then a few posts of people saying they would refuse the situation but not with anyone having actually had to deal with someone else's wet bed. Then another poster confirming she wouldn't send her child on a sleepover because of the risk of overflowing.

So nobody who has had to actually deal with anything difficult.

OP seems long gone anyway. On the chance she is still reading hopefully she's relaxed about the non-event that it is

I'm genuinely baffled by everyone saying it's too young! Some more anxious children may not be ready, but the majority would be fine in my experience as both a primary school teacher and parent. My children have both been invited to sleepovers/camps at Rainbows and Beavers. My daughter didn't do the Rainbows one as she was only 4 at the time and wouldn't have coped - she's 6 now and would love to go if the opportunity comes up again. My son went to Beavers camp for 2 nights at age 7 and loved every minute of it!

My son had two friends who tended to wet the bed, one til he was a teenager. My son was totally cool about it and the friends were up front about it to. We put a towel down on the bed and made sure they went to the toilet right before sleeping.
Id ask the mum exactly what needs doing.

DD had a friend to stay who wasn’t dry at night (related to kidney disease). I had a quiet word with her to say where a bag for her pull-up and wet wipes were, and that if she preferred she could run a quick bath or use the shower in the morning. I said if the pull up leaked just let me know so I could sort the mattress. It was all quick, discreet and matter of fact to avoid shame.

I didn’t mention anything to DD.
they were both 9 at the time.

This one

Yes, someone who wouldnt send their child on a sleepover because it wouldn't be fair to another parent. Lending even more weight to my assumption that child in question isn't likely to leak given that her parent is also probably responsible so is only doing it because it isn't a big deal.