Sleepover bedwettimg

[pollytunnelanna]

How is this dealt with?

My dsd is having her first sleepover for her 8th birthday with a group of girls from school. Next weekend. Invitations were dealt with by DP but one of the girls mums reached out to me specifically to explain her dd wanted to come but wasn’t dry at night and asked if I could discreetly help her sort her self out in the evening and morning so the other girls don’t find out.

My dc are under 2 and DSD has never had accidents since we met so I have no experience dealing with this or sleepovers in general.

Aside from putting her in a room on her I don’t know how reliably I can make sure none of the other girls find out, they’re all going to sleep down stairs in the playroom and I won’t be around. I also don’t understand the logistics of getting helping her get sort herself out, I’ve only briefly met her once and the other girls are going to be suspicious if I take her off on her own.

I guess she will either need a sealed bin large enough to contain the pull up or a bag to wrap it in. I can definitely imagine some situations where disposing of a large wet pull up without anyone seeing could be hard.
I guess mum also just doesn’t want you to mention it in the group, which I’m sure you wouldn’t anyway.

You are over thinking it -
the parent will mean don’t say in front of everyone - have u got your pull up ??? Are u sure u don’t need a wee ????
it means being discrete - not being the key master to a sacred secret ??

Where have you got this from? why are you assuming he’s useless?
Of course he will do all those things, in reality I will also be there so will help with some of it but he is perfectly capable of doing it all.

yes he has hosted many family friend or cousin sleepovers before and often without me. He took DSD and friends two daughters away for 5 nights at Easter on his own.
its officially 50/50 but we have her increasingly more, again what does that have to do with my post?

Quote fail, @Catopia said exactly that

Nothing

I’m nosy 🤷‍♀️

So why did you say ‘nah I thought not’?

I meant my questions had nothing to do with the op

do I still think you’ll end up doing most of the organising. Yep 🤷‍♀️ . Just call it my
spidey senses.

Aw, poor girl. I agree with others, just ask the mother the best way to deal with it perhaps. I hope they all have a lovely time 😊

Big fuss about nothing. DS slept over at his friend's the other day. He's 9 and isn't completely reliably dry so sleeping anywhere except home he wears a pull-up. All that was required of the other parents was to quietly ask him before bed to confirm he'd put it on and let him know what bin to put it in in the morning.

No responsibility for keeping it a secret or "dealing with bodily fluids".

You’d be wrong. Sorry if you had kids with a useless man who lets you end up doing every thing but that’s not what happens here.

So far the only thing put on me to do has been by another woman.

You’re basing that on nothing, except maybe the fact you have a shit partner and you assume that all men are like that.

My DH would do all of that. Because I didn’t marry a complete arsehole.

1. Ask mum to put the the pull up in a separate bag and hand it to you when she drops off
2. At bedtime girl gets her pjs, says she needs the loo, or even says she needs a poo if the girls still say that (gives you more time)!
3. On the way to the bathroom, you hand her the pull up
4. Agree a hiding place for the morning pull up
5. in the morning she changes her bottom half in the bathroom and leaves the pull up somewhere non-obvious where you know to find it later!

My son's did residentials from Y2.

All this MN angst about 8 year olds having sleepovers is beyond me. Mine were staying over the road in Y1. If the individual isn't ready because they have night time continence issues, the parent needs to decline the invitation.

My DC1 was 7 when they went on a one night residential in Year 3. And have you seriously never heard of brownies and cubs going away on camp?

Some of these comments are so weird, my daughter is 5 and still a bed wetter. All she needs to know is where the bin is in the bathroom and to probably get dressed on an evening.
i don’t think it takes much to ensure the girls don’t find out, even if they get ready for bed together then she can just pop out to the toilet to put the pull up on later on.

I’m a single parent
very amicable with ex and very happy with how he care for the children (tween and teen!) when with him (now and when younger)

I loved preparing for my children’s parties

would I want to be involved with preparing for another person’s child sleepover, hosting it in my home, being messaged about looking out for a bed wetter child that I have only briefly met before? Hell no. Hence why I’d be a thoroughly shit step mother and will never ever subject any poor child to it 😆

you are a better person than me Op no doubt about that!!

Basically the advice given above by a PP on texting back the mum to say you're happy to make sure this girl knows where bin is and can change in bathroom morning and night so she can sort herself out. Say of course you'll be discreet but there is a risk the other girls find out as they'll all be in a room together. But you won't say anything of course.

That's all you can do really

Honestly you’re overcomplicating it.

i was like this as a kid and did countless sleepovers, residentials etc.

she doesn’t need to get fully changed in the bathroom.

As others have said get the pull-up given to you in a washbag she recognises and put it away in the bathroom. Tell her mum in advance to tell her where it will be eg in the drawer under the sink.

girl gets changed into PJs as usual with everyone else keeping knickers on then goes to bathroom to brush teeth etc and go to loo etc before bed like everyone else and swaps knickers for pull up. Knickers go in PJs pocket or in washbag.

in morning same thing - goes in PJs to brush teeth etc, disposes of pull up in bag you have left, ties up and puts in bathroom bin, puts knickers on.

gets dressed as usual with everyone else

I think you’re over complicating it. We had this with one child that came for sleepovers. She had her stuff in her backpack and got changed in the bathroom. I guess it helps that DD is quite private and she likes to change in a different room too so a precedent was set. I discreetly showed her the bathroom bin (just in case) which she used in the morning to dispose of the pull up. I emptied the bin when everyone left. There was no real fuss and no one knew.

Honestly it wouldn't bother me but then I've been a leader of youth groups for years with this age group. I'd just discreetly talk with mum and ask what her usual plans are. If it's a pull up then you can use the "Flossie I've got your mum on the phone asking about your PJ's can you come and have a chat with her in the kitchen". Kid can take pull up off themselves and put into a bin discreetly at this age. If they don't wear pull ups and its a waterproof sheet then I'd be a bit more hesitant because the child will wake up wet.

Out of context quote much... (1) as that was absolutely not the point of the post - and (2) as I set out the other steps taken - removing the pull-ups, waking him in the night before they went to bed. The initiative of the change of scene and not enabling him with the pull-ups was an instantaneous solution: of course that is not the case for all children where there is an actual medical reason - but if children never go anywhere or do anything and remain in the same routine at home with parents not being motivated to change it/don't want to deal with accidents and the child has no incentive themselves they can become stuck in a rut. The aim of night training is for child to (a) realise when they need to go and (b) be bothered to get up and go, and if they stay in pull-ups then (b) can be severely lacking even if (a) is present. Every family has at some point got to remove the safety net of the pull-up and make clear to the child that if they wake up needing the toilet they need to actually get up and go to the toilet.

Did your DP put your number on the invite Op?

No, she went out of her way to get my number from another mum who I am friends with.

She really didn’t want to message your partner did she?!

No which I guess is why I’m overthinking it. If it was as simple as letting her know where the bathroom bin is then I don’t see why dp couldn’t be messaged. I feel like I’ve had huge responsibility placed on me but I know I am just being anxious.