Not had a night to myself in a decade

[SummerFly]

I haven’t had a single night to myself in a decade, how I haven’t cracked up I don’t know 😂 are there any other parents who haven’t had a night without their kids in a decade? Feels like most parents get regular breaks grandparents/ exes etc how do you cope?

DH took mine away without me when eldest was 11. He’s doing it again in a couple of weeks (eldest is 22). I have been without 1 many times - sleepovers, school trips, camps with clubs. Once when I was very unwell my sister came and took them all away for a few nights but I didn’t feel the benefit (it was meningitis). Grandparents have never had them but both Dh and I practically lived with grandparents as kids.

Where are your parents, your partner/ex, your partner/ex’s parents, either of your siblings?

In 8 years I've had 4 nights "off" two for my sisters wedding, and only because the kids had chicken pox at the time and couldn't make it (flights and vulnerable children/adults at the wedding) and twice to visit a new nephew while it was school term time. Only managed it because dh took time off work for one and had retired by the second.
Spent many years solo parenting before that (worked away for extended periods) and even on the nights off I still have to prep everything(food and such) and answer "where is x, does so and so eat this, do you know where this item of clothing is?" And then play catch up on all the housework and mess that's been created/not even looked at while I had been gone.

It's exhausting and a little bit lonely
But tbh, I miss the kids when I'm away and know its not not going to be forever. But I do wish I had a little more support locally to be able to let my hair down once in a while!

The night before I returned to work after maternity leave we got a night nanny and I spent the night in a hotel 😂

(DD was a TERRIBLE sleeper, and DH was very unwell at the time)

Other than that, no 😥

I think there's lots of people without much outside help.
I am lucky that I have a partner so I did manage to attend a hen weekend. And kids have had 2 nights sleeping over at relatives. I've also had to travel for a couple of overnight trips with work - but not sure that counts as a night to myself!
So 8 nights away (including work trips) from them in 10 years

That sounds really really tough. Hang in there.

We have no GP help (both hundreds of miles away and now not very mobile) but I do have dh.

For overnights together we’ve relied on sleepovers (we only have one child) which we then reciprocate and the occasional scouts trip. We’ve never used a babysitter for overnight and don’t have anyone who has babysat more than occasionally.

Same here. I'm single and my youngest in particular is quite high needs and can't be left really, not that I have the money for nannies/babysitters anyway. I think SEN mums just get on with it as it's just life to us.

My mum wouldn’t have my children overnight, same goes for siblings, exes parents passed away.

Yes I’m sure my mum would help in anyway emergency but that’s hasn’t happened not for childcare reasons though.

He isn’t involved and even when he was years ago he wouldn’t have them overnight anyway.

Why are you so sure your mum or siblings wouldn’t have your children?

Because they have said they wouldn’t? It’s been 10 years you don’t think ive ever asked?

Just to add not everyone has grandparents that would babysit

No I never did. My mum was always fab and looked after dc through the day for us if we needed her but was very clear she didn’t want to have them overnight. I respected that. She’d brought up her own family and it wasn’t her job to look after my dc. My husband’s mum wasn’t fit enough to look after the children.
My dc are 21 and 18 now so that ship has sailed!! To be honest, I never really minded not having a night off from them but I do think it had impact on my relationship with dh as we had little quality time together for years.

My mum doesn’t have them at all but you are right it’s their choice I don’t think they should I gave up asking a long time ago but it’s definitely hard seeing people have active involved grandparents who have the kids over for sleepovers etc

Have you no friends you could reciprocate childcare with? I’ve had my siblings kids to stay at 3 and 5 for two weeks whilst hey went to New Zealand , and friends kids overnight/ weekends etc to help out

I can’t believe your DH doenst know his kids well enough to mind them unaided - what would happen if you just said I don’t know figure it out? He’s an adult

I am not single so i have had weekends away solo but never both my husband and me. Daughter is 3.5 years old. I'm holding out for scout camp! She'll start Squirrels when she turns 4!

No their family/ exes are involved so not interested in swapping babysitting as they don’t need to

10 years untill last year my dp had them for three days whilst I was at center parcs. It was very strange. Unfortunately I went with family that I'm not actually very close to so It didn't feel like an actual break that I craved 🙈 it was still a break so I am lucky to of had something. What we would absolutely love is to be able to go away just dp and I. We've never gone on holiday/weekend away just us. Combination of rubbish family and additional needs/ can't afford babysitters/no friends.

We are just going to wait till they are all old enough to be left hopefully. I don't know what the future will look like for my one with additional needs I'm hoping he'd be OK to be left with his siblings when they are all young adults 🤞🏻

I know we are not the only ones but it certainly can feel like that when I'm on the school run with all the grandparents 🙈 or during the 6 weeks holidays my children's friends are away for 2 weeks with grandparents on holiday. I just can't imagine having those options.

@DaisyChain505 Many grandparents and aunties/uncles don’t help out with childcare, it’s not uncommon at all.

We did have friends’ children over for sleepovers and vice versa. But as we have two children, we still had one at home. It’s a just a phase in life though, hang in there, OP. 💐

We don't have nights out and it's fine really. Eldest is 7 so not quite as long as a decade without. I'm not much of a sociable person and these days I wouldn't know who I'd go out with tbh - DH is the person I'd most want to spend a night out with but that would mean getting a babysitter (because he couldn't stay home and look after the dcs), and neither of us really want to use one while the dcs are young (and I still breastfeed my youngest to sleep). Personally I find I get a bit of time to myself while the dcs are in school/nursery and I enjoy the days out we have with them, and I don't feel the need for much more.

I haven't really asked family to help as it's either not practical or just not that helpful to us, and we are busy most weekends doing trips out with the dcs so it's hard to find time for it.

It’s not about going out for me but more for a rest or having a lie in 🤣 I definitely don’t have anywhere to go but a break would be nice