I saw someone pointing fingers at my DD

[TheMaryClaire]

Hi Mums! I just want to get this off my chest and maybe get some advice from you all.

My daughter and I went to this restaurant (i don't want to mention the name) over the weekend and had some dinner there. Of course, as a child, my DD has a really short attention span, so after watching some videos, she started wandering around the restaurant hall and waving at all the people coming in.

Some people appreciate it and smile at her, so I just let her move around. Suddenly, a lady (around 50 yo) started stopping her and pointing a finger at her, saying that she should not be running around the restaurant.

While I know that she's right, I feel that it's not appropriate to point your fingers at someone else's child. I just apologise to her and walk away with my daughter in tow but I feel extremely uncomfortable in my heart.

What do you think?

As above....took 3yr old GS to local Costa, we queued to choose and waited to pick up drinks and cake (he'd been looking forward to that bit) when he started running round the tables, supposedly looking for somewhere to sit but in an uncontrolled way, dangerous eith hot drinks around. Twice I went over to stop him and the 2nd time I told him what would happen if he didn't. He didn't stop so we left and got the bus back to his house - his screams lasted most of the journey but once he'd calmed down we talked about what had just happened. It never happened again as he'd recognise 'the look'. I minded him 2 days a week from birth and now he's a teenager we have a strong loving relationship.

I’ve been vilified on here and considered whether or not to post anythng else at all.. The amount of vitriol I received from fellow mothers (I assume they are mothers) is beyond anything I ever conceived.

I read 3 pages of responses but had to stop

Many lovely posters were supportive to me too and I want to thank you for that

After taking some time to reflect I want to make clear, my OP was rushed and lacked detail, and this resulted in me and my DD getting bashed.

My DD is 3 years old, she gets screen time, but she also enjoys books, colouring, etc. We do loads together, I’m not a “screen parent”, tho I understand why it may have come across like that I think anyone who has a child understands that kids are not perfect all the time and they go through different phases, some days they may be harder to handle than others. And yes, those days I succumb and give her my phone to watch videos on YT Kids.

I want to make clear that I keep my eyes on her and don’t let her go far by hersefl. She was not a danger to the staff or anyone else, she was just restless but was not screaming or crying.

I guess there’s much more to say but it’s impossible to respond to everything and I can’t and don’t want to please or agree with everyone

While my post was not intended to turn into what it turned into, at least now I know that the vast majority is on the same page as the lady who crossed a boundary and felt the need to parent my child. And I am sad to know that we are still in that mindset where we feel like we can do that to strangers children, and more so here on this forum.

Will not share personal experiences on this space anymore

So you came back to say there's nothing wrong with your parenting and the problem is everyone else? Righty-ho.

Other people wouldn't need to 'cross a boundary and parent my child' if you did.

Fwiw I was one of the nicer ones before, but your update doesn't do you any favours as you've clearly not taken the responses on board.

I agree with this.

As do I.

Sometimes when this many people have a criticism it might be valid. You need to take it on the chin. It doesn’t matter how you defend it you shouldn’t be letting your kid wander around and disturb others eating at any establishment.

"vitriol" - you need a dictionary, lady

Parent your kid. If you don't want to parent your kid, people will look at them, comment on them, and occasionally tell them off. They won't need to do that if you PARENT YOUR OWN CHILD. I gave you loads of suggestions of things to carry with you out and about and games you can play without anything. If you choose not to do that that's on you. If I go out I don't want to be disturbed by your kid..

ETA: I don't care about screen time. Thats your business. I prefer to play and talk to my kids but I'm not adverse to a bit of screen time myself.

that's good to read that you are going to parent your child.

20 pages that took.

Spot on.

That's spelt correctly, isn't it?

Yes, but it does not mean what she thinks it means, the was no vitriol here, just opinions she didn't like.

So OP did spell it correctly but you think she has the wrong meaning?
And you think you know what she thinks?

Bit patronising...

I'm not the one who said she needed a dictionary. Although I agree that she does.

As there was no vitriol in the thread, I can only infer from that that she doesn't know what it means. If you think that is patronising, that's on you.

It certainly is patronising to infer that you know what someone is thinking and whether they understand a word or not.

Patronising and CF, to be honest...

Me too...
When you post a question like this you have to accept the responses - and accept that many people may not agree with you. You're asking for advice if what you did was right.
While it might hurt you, people are just giving their opinion. That you asked for...

I didn't give an opinion either way but explained what we do which is to go to other places where our wild 3 year old can burn some energy before dinner... but you gotta expect people to not agree with you OP when you post things like this.

Totally get how you feel — I'd be upset too if someone pointed at my child like that. It’s fine to remind kids about safety, but pointing fingers comes off rude. You handled it well by just walking away. Some people forget kids are still learning. Try not to let it get to you ❤️

It's rude to leave your kid wandering around a restaurant disturbing other people. No one would need to point at/ or point out the child if @TheMaryClaire and her partner was taking care of their responsibilities.

The child needs to be taught by its parents. The child should be with it parent and entertain by its parent. If the parent chooses to impose their child on other people then that's on them.

Everyone is all about their right to do whatever the fuck they like but they don't like to be judged or reminded of their responsibilities.

OP didn't get the response she wanted and is blaming everyone else for not really being mums, being vitriolic, and not agreeing that a pointing finger is ruder than a misbehaving child bothering other patrons.

telling everyone the thread was full of vitriol isn't "thinking" it is stating something as if it is a fact.

And the fact is there is no vitriol on that thread. If there were vitriol it would have been reported and deleted.

So i repeat: op needs to use a dictionary.

Agree!

If the OP had posted “the thread is full of cats” she would still be told to use a dictionary because although “cats” was spelled correctly, her definition of “cats” would clearly be incorrect.

but just to be sure: if there is vitriol, perhaps pp would report it. We don't have to let stuff like that stand, but moderation here is (mostly, i think there are exceptions?) reactive.

So you still think it’s fine for your child to wander around a restaurant? No danger to staff or other diners? Okaaaaay 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫
Just to confirm .. it’s NOT fine

I’m actually shocked by the pile on in this thread! I honestly feel most people in real life wouldn’t even notice a 3 year old walking around a restaurant. As I’ve previously mentioned what happens when someone needs the toilet, do they need to ask for permission? It could be considered wandering? (The pp are thinking Michelin star tbh) Also don’t know how walking with your child is not ‘parent(ing) your child as a lot of people are saying?! I was in a park recently with a pub balcony next to it. There were plenty of young children (I would even say in the 3 age range) alone, presuming their parents were in the pub (hopefully) watching. I don’t think their parents/carers gave it a second thought to this, would the posters in here tell them in real life to parent their child? I doubt it 🤷🏼‍♀️

I honestly feel most people in real life wouldn’t even notice a 3 year old walking around a restaurant.

what the serving staff walking round with hot food and drinks? no. If you take your offspring out, keep them under control or take them somewhere else.

I stand by that, no one in that restaurant is going home and telling people they saw a young child walking past their table 😂