I saw someone pointing fingers at my DD

[TheMaryClaire]

Hi Mums! I just want to get this off my chest and maybe get some advice from you all.

My daughter and I went to this restaurant (i don't want to mention the name) over the weekend and had some dinner there. Of course, as a child, my DD has a really short attention span, so after watching some videos, she started wandering around the restaurant hall and waving at all the people coming in.

Some people appreciate it and smile at her, so I just let her move around. Suddenly, a lady (around 50 yo) started stopping her and pointing a finger at her, saying that she should not be running around the restaurant.

While I know that she's right, I feel that it's not appropriate to point your fingers at someone else's child. I just apologise to her and walk away with my daughter in tow but I feel extremely uncomfortable in my heart.

What do you think?

I see this happening more and more at the moment as a teacher. Low and behold it usually ends up with children aged 10-11 nobody can stand because the parents have done absolutely no parenting.

If you don't parent your kids, someone else will!

I think that sounds harsher than I mean it to, because we've all been there and had moments where our parenting hasn't been the best it can be. But it's not safe for a child to wander round a restaurant where she could get underfoot with hot food around, and it's inevitably annoying to other customers. You knew it wasn't the right thing to do so ideally you should have put a stop to it.

Watching videos isn't the solution either. She has to learn now to sit nicely in restaurants now or she never will. Stick to family friendly places for now and build up her tolerance for sitting at the table without screens. Colouring and other activities which don't hold their attention the same way screens do are good solutions in the interim.

In answer to the question you asked, whilst I probably also wouldn’t like someone pointing their fingers at my child, you have no legs to stand on because she should not have been out of her seat. So you have to suck it up I’m afraid.
You say that she can’t stay at the table at home when eating, so until she can, you cannot go out to eat, it’s unfair on other diners and the restaurant staff.
At 3 she should still be in a high chair anyway at a restaurant, but in your shoes I would be starting the work at home, being firm about staying put until the end of the meal, so she gets used to it. She’s old enough to understand. And once she gets the hang of it you can enjoy taking her out to eat without feeling stressed.

I think enough people have confirmed you were in the wrong, but, I would absolutely say your three year old should be able to sit at a table for long enough to have a meal. If she gets down from the table at home after ten minutes, how is she going to learn. Helping her to develop those skills at home, where crying isn’t as much of an issue as being out at a restaurant would be. I’d suggest not to take her until such time she can do as she is told! And I was a liberal parent!

Is this a joke post? It's not as cute as you think it is. In fact is down right annoying. Look after your own child, instead of letting them bother the people eating.

Control your kids so others dont have to 🙄

But why should other people suffer OP’s lack of parenting? Does she not notice that other people seem to have been able to get their DC to sit quietly and eat? People don’t go out to eat to try and communally help one mother who doesn’t seem to realise that her kid is only cute to her. Imagine being a massive failure at parenting and thinking everyone else is in the wrong.

OP has said she doesn’t go out much and seems open to suggestions. As people have said, it’s a great experience for little ones to get used to how to behave in restaurants. With a 3 year old, as others have suggested, lots of activities in a bag are great. I would tend to get one out at a time e.g get the next one out as she gets bored with the last. My daughter is 5 now and is great in restaurants however it is still hardwork at times! They do need entertaining and as a parent we have to accept that it is our responsibility to do that. Lots of mess free activities, like colouring, books, eye spy and as she gets older things like Lego, Polly pockets, and Barbies are all great to take along in a bag. Also my daughter likes having a pad and paper and we do games like hang man, Os and Xs, roll up story or drawing.

The poster who lets her kid stomp around in flowerbeds and has also had people tell her child off, shocker 🤣

Was "the lady" called Mrs. Trunchbull, by any chance?

@Stephaneey ha then you would agree

100% a 3 year old, and younger, is capable of sitting at a table during a meal with others.

They’re also capable of sitting at a table long enough to draw/paint, build models, do puzzles, play card games etc with adults.

But you have to interact with them. No one should expect a child to sit quietly and still eating their meal without chatting. While adults chat among themselves or (worse still) sit on their phones.

Kids run about and play up when they’re bored, as they naturally want to interact with people, discover and learn things. So you have to provide opportunities to do that at a table.

That’s because her 3 year old has her phone 🤣🤣
It’s easier to parent if she’s having screen time

I would say a parent of a child of a similar age at a similar time is sympathetic to another mum/parent. But all of the perfect parents/humans don’t mind insulting strangers on the internet 🫣

No doubt the videos were watched without headphones to really torture people before the wandering about🙈

This reminds me of the first time DP and I went out without DS1 when he was a baby. We had a lovely gastropub within walking distance, with large, fairly blunt signs telling people their children were welcome in the evening as long as they were quiet, didn't run around and didn't require loud devices to entertain them. There were a lot of parents of young children in the area and most people were entirely comfortable with this. They had one night a week when they relaxed the rules in the bar food room and did a family friendly menu, and people with children tended to stick to that night.
On this particular night, a couple had clearly decided that their preschool-age child was too adorable for any of the rules to apply to him. We finished up with him rolling about under our table in the main restaurant room. When I asked them to come and get him out, they were outraged. He was only little. He was just playing. I repeated the request with a gritted-teeth smile, and the dad stomped over and made a massive performance of coaxing him out, only for him to immediately come back over. I asked, yet again, for him to go back to his parents, at which point the dad sighed and said that they were just trying to have a nice peaceful dinner. As opposed to us, who they clearly thought should have been happy eating out of a bin somewhere.
At this point the manager appeared and said they could either keep him at the table, move outside or he could pack their food up for them to take away. Which would they prefer? More outrage. Unmoved manager. They did eventually keep him at their table, but spent the rest of their meal glaring at us, before leaving muttering about intolerant people. Apparently we OBVIOUSLY didn't have children.
Just...no.

My DD struggles to sit still when going out too. Id recommend colouring activities and maybe some screen time ,if necessary. I tend to only take my DD to very relaxed places, otherwise she would probably annoy people trying to dine in peace.

So

' I'm trailing behind her but not that close as she just wants to wander around the area on her own. '

you have both left your table and your meals and are wandering around the restaurant.

How weird.

Clearly your daughter is not old enough to be going out for dinner.

It is hard. I also have a 3 year old who likes to walk around restaurants.

While it's annoying and not our preference we have chosen to go to other restaurants where they have a garden (mostly chain pubs etc) for now until he's not such a energetic fire ball!

This gives him plenty to do while waiting for food

Yes, the food isn't great. Yes, the atmosphere isn't what I particularly enjoy... but as a mum to a toddler with a lot of energy I recognise that while to me he isn't doing any harm, not everyone wants a small child walking around while they are trying to enjoy lunch or dinner.

A lot of people can't eat out much these days and some of these people may have been having a rare treat and just wanting a quiet meal

I would have been a bit annoyed she spoke to my child and waved her finger but I probably would have just gone and got him and said sorry if he's in your way and walked on.

I'm going against the grain but feel many posters might have forgotten how children are, or are in major denial themselves about how their own behave or behaved when they were three. It's completely normal for a three year old to not want to sit still for hours on a table, and to want to wander. It's also normal for parents to try and contain them. It sounds like op tried. Maybe could've tried more but really, it's subjective and you're hanging onto a few posts.
No matter what you do op, it's a phase and it'll pass. Of course try to bring all the gimmicks people suggested and do your best.
At the same time children wandering in restaurants has always happened (bar times victoriana) and will always do. Noone should be doing threatening looking behaviours to a kid, the ones who take it upon themselves to be sooo offended and annoyed usually are just unpleasant tight arses ime.
Equally op don't get offended if people do a bit of a firm you should be with mummy thing. All normal. We can all learn to be a bit more tolerant.

Well, you both had your DC told off in real life, not just the internet, and you both got told in your threads that you were being ridiculous, but by all means, stick your head in the sand and pretend everyone else’s 3 year olds act like both of yours… funny how everyone else manages to parent just fine (and total strangers don’t have to intervene)

If your kid can’t sit in a restaurant, you take it home.

I’m confused about what this thread is trying to achieve you don’t agree with any of the, correct, bad feedback you are getting

when your 3 year old had screen time did she have headphones on? You've still not said what type of restaurant it was, if wacky warehouse crack on and let her, expensive adult restaurant than absolutely not

If your child can't sit through a meal then you shouldn't be taking them to a restaurant. I've taken my DS now 8 to restaurants since he was 2yrs old as he has always been able to sit "like a big boy". It drives me crazy when people let their children wander round a restaurant, people have gone out to have a nice meal not sit in a crèche.

Well I think I had more support in my thread than this one. I’ve got to say I’ve never been bothered by a child in a restaurant. I’ve been bothered by loud people, dogs 🫣 and loud devices. But not a child walking past a table. Someone actually commented on my DDs good behaviour in a (pub) restaurant the other day, maybe because I wasn’t there 😂