I saw someone pointing fingers at my DD

[TheMaryClaire]

Hi Mums! I just want to get this off my chest and maybe get some advice from you all.

My daughter and I went to this restaurant (i don't want to mention the name) over the weekend and had some dinner there. Of course, as a child, my DD has a really short attention span, so after watching some videos, she started wandering around the restaurant hall and waving at all the people coming in.

Some people appreciate it and smile at her, so I just let her move around. Suddenly, a lady (around 50 yo) started stopping her and pointing a finger at her, saying that she should not be running around the restaurant.

While I know that she's right, I feel that it's not appropriate to point your fingers at someone else's child. I just apologise to her and walk away with my daughter in tow but I feel extremely uncomfortable in my heart.

What do you think?

I don't have a great deal of experience of travelling in Italy, but overall I found it a very, very friendly and welcoming country for our toddler.

I think it helps living in a warmer climate where outdoor eating is more common.

Edited to state that aforementioned toddler is now 26!

@BlueRin5eBrigademy teen is 15 now and youngest 10 so largely self sufficient but we used to do exactly this too. My teen shocked me on a journey the other day by emerging from her headphones and calling random fruit descriptions at me. When I recovered from the shock we all had such a laugh and she confessed later it was a comfort thing on the journey (Audhd) and she loved it in restaurants back then. She kept popping round doors for days after with really obscure ones it made me really happy.

Sorry to derail op but in my defence the game suggestions do work.

Sorry op, but your dining out plans will have to be put on hold for a few years

Restaurants are not obligatory

My friend got told off by a waiter in a restaurant once because her little kid was wandering around the restaurant. The waiter said the kid had nearly caused him to trip over while carrying a tray of hot food.

Until the kid can sit at their own table at home for an hour, they shouldn't be anywhere near a restaurant. Soft play cafés will have to do.

Wow entitled parent at its finest (and yes I am a parent)!! No you don’t let your child walk around a restaurant. Yes children are hard to keep entertained in a restaurant so you either have two options you either don’t go out to eat or accept she has a short attention span and eat quickly and leave once finished and she’s had enough.

I think your child has a short attention span as you don't ever give her the opportunity to sit quietly without a video under her nose. I think you should stop letting her watch videos when your out at dinner and maybe do some colouring or other quiet activity to increase her attention span. People are there to enjoy dinner, not discipline your child that you let wander around disrupting people's meals. Your not doing your daughter any favours by not allowing her to develop an attention span by always shoving an iPad in her face.

I so agree with this. Before the age of computers, ie in the 60s, I had a friend whose daughter was always stuck in front of the tv so my friend could get on with her chores.
The child did learn some words (from the tv mainly) but was never encouraged to make conversation. Consequently, her people skills were nil, and in fact, she was quite scared if she was spoken to by someone she might come across when out with her mum.
Nowadays, that child would have been put in front of an iPad for sure!

Radical i know but have you ever thought of telling your child to sit at the table and stay there ? After all you are the parent.

Yes I have and for the most part he does but he is still loud and I would rather go somewhere he can have fun aswell and not disturb other people.

After all, bit miserable for him to sit in silence as a 3 year old. Would rather go to places that have open spaces for him to enjoy himself

Radical, I know.

The child doesn't need to sit in silence, but they do need to sit. Restaurants are not playgrounds.

Yes and then some one complains because my child is being noisy.

What we chose to do literally benefits everyone. Don't know why I'm even justifying it tbh.

I was just expressing what we did as a family with a child of a similar age in response to OPS question.

You're taking him to suitable places that I would avoid, so no problem with that, you're doing the right thing!

I think your approach is totally fine, family-friendly pubs with gardens are a good halfway house where small children can both learn the etiquette of eating out and also burn off some excess energy in a manner that doesn't inconvenience other patrons.

(And I say that as a parent who is of the "stay seated and mind your table manners" school of old-fashioned strictness).

There’ll be heads exploding in this thread at the suggestion of young kids being allowed to enjoy themselves 😅

You'd have already pissed me off letting her watch videos in the restaurant. If she can't handle sitting at the table without a screen in front if her face you shouldn't be taking her. It's very inconsiderate of other diners. Teach your child how to sit at a table and eat. If she struggles you can take colouring stuff or similar which doesn't make a noise.

@thelonghaul my DS most likely will never manage to sit in a restaurant without watching or reading something, should he never go to restaurants? (Of course he uses earpods if he is watching something with sound).

Nobody expects a child to be silent. It is perfectly doable to take a child out to eat and have them sat at a table chatting. I had 3 and all could sit and chat whilst we all ate.

Spot on! Just who are the parents, these days? Clearly not the mums and dads!

She’d cry? Good grief! She’s storing up a good time for you later! If you don’t nip it in the bud and make her realise who’s boss, you’re doomed! Get a back bone and parent your child for all our sakes!

Yes!!!

If she can’t sit still for the whole meal then you shouldn’t really take her to a restaurant.. letting her wander around is not appropriate.

Maybe wait until she’s older and had a longer attention span… when she’s 7 or 8 maybe?

You make it sound so easy...

Any good tips please?

I suspect this was a rhetorical, and maybe sarcastic, question. However, I’ll answer it anyway.
When my little ones were small, there were consequences if they didn’t do as they were told. One example, my little girl (3-ish) and I were shopping (she was in the trolley) when she suddenly started a tantrum because we were at the sweets section and she was told she wasn’t allowed sweets which I had in the trolley but hadn’t yet paid for. (I don’t think it’s great when mums open unpaid-for items in a supermarket just so they can shut their child up, then pay at the cash desk).
In this instance, I put the shopping back, took her out of the shop and put her in the car and we went home. She screamed for ages, but after that, if we went shopping, she took ‘no’ for an answer and we were both happier.
if that sounds smug and ‘holier than thou’, I am sorry but I couldn’t think of another way to say it. It’s just important to set boundaries from the start and not be afraid to parent properly even when it makes your child cry!