I saw someone pointing fingers at my DD

[TheMaryClaire]

Hi Mums! I just want to get this off my chest and maybe get some advice from you all.

My daughter and I went to this restaurant (i don't want to mention the name) over the weekend and had some dinner there. Of course, as a child, my DD has a really short attention span, so after watching some videos, she started wandering around the restaurant hall and waving at all the people coming in.

Some people appreciate it and smile at her, so I just let her move around. Suddenly, a lady (around 50 yo) started stopping her and pointing a finger at her, saying that she should not be running around the restaurant.

While I know that she's right, I feel that it's not appropriate to point your fingers at someone else's child. I just apologise to her and walk away with my daughter in tow but I feel extremely uncomfortable in my heart.

What do you think?

No one finds your child adorable like you do! It's not great being a dinner and eating out when children are wandering around. It's not all about you and your child's experience of your time at the restaurant.

It's really inconsiderate of other diners and dangerous for waiters and waitresses carrying food.

I'm Team Finger Pointer!

Stop using screens as babysitters. We still don’t have phones at the dining table and DS is 16. He learned very young to sit at the table and not run about. Harvester was great as you get an instant bowl of salad to keep them occupied while main meals are cooked.

meals out are time to talk.

hate it when families are out and they are all on their screens with no headphones so you hear all the different bings and shows they are watching. If you are gonna use screens then use headphones.

pack a small bag of quiet toys. Talk to children and model how to behave

What a bunch of crap. Have you been in every restaurant in every Mediterranean country? It’s an absolute myth that those friendly foreigners love ill-behaved children. They really don’t. They might tolerate feral Brits in a touristy place as that’s their bread and butter. But kids running around and making a mess and disturbing other diners? Oh yes, just adored …

My sister is a teacher and says exactly the same. 🙄

Videos at the table and roaming around the restaurant unsupervised, what a lovely enhancement to other diners experience

Oh, dear....

I mean she's 3 why would you think it's ok to let her wander around a busy restaurant. I get it little ones get bored but there's hot food/drinks being carried around

100% my experience.

I can never understand why parents let their kids make a mess at the table or fail to clear it up. You wouldn’t do that at home. Sure, the odd bit of mess, spill happens. But you explain not to make a mess all over the table/floor and clear it up.

I rarely go out to eat, but I’m always surprised when families leave a cafe/restaurant with food all over the table and the floor. Clear up your own mess.

If you value the safety of your child they should never be "running around a restaurant". Server's rush around keeping up with demand carrying warm to very very hot plates of food! Tripping over an obstacle (small child) can end with a nasty injury to both parties! Server's run food to tables! They are under pressure to deliver food to tables not dodge obstacles. Please keep your child at the table, for the safety of all.
You would be the first to complain if a server tripped over your child and they could also injure themselves and other diners in the process.

I have two toddlers. No way would they wander around a restaurant. Not a chance.

They have shitty attention spans too. But they could also be in/cause a serious accident. It's a restaurant, not a playground.

Any sign of any trouble we couldn't nip in the bud and we'd be leaving.

Doesn't matter what anyone was doing with their fingers or anything else in your direction: YABVU.

If your 3y old cannot sit for longer than 10min then you have much bigger problem than someonw pointing finger on your child with additional needs or completwlly spoiled brat.

I sat normally for a meal with children since they were able to sit. It lasted from 30mins to 2h once youngest got to 2y mark but I would never dream of letting my children run around and disturb other guests!
If you plan a long meal just take her around the block to get her tired and bring crayons/book/get some screen time. But absolutelly no running around.
Cannot believe you even asked.

Hang on, are you saying that you were trailing around in your daughter's wake as she skipped about the restaurant?

How do you know it wasn't YOU the 50 yo woman (do the care home know she's out??) was pointing at?

My toddler is just over two, we eat out fairly regularly and have done since he was a baby.

We would never let him wander around. Restaurants are for eating and no one thinks my child is a cute as me. It’s annoying for waiters/waitresses who are trying to serve, to have to navigate around children.

Here is what we do…
Only put our child in their high chair when foods arrives.
Sit on me or dad and points out everything they can see and then looks at the menu.

Then completes activities we’ve taken with us; reading a story, fine motor play, a matching animal card game (toddler actually just constantly empties the cards and puts them back in the box) or drawing in book.

If we just expected our toddler to sit their it would be a car crash. They would scream, throw themselves back or run of. We always prepare and have pretty smooth meals.

It probably helps too that we would only ever eat out at dinner or tea time which is the same time every day (give or take 1/2 hour) so our child is hungry and wants to sit and eat the food.

Food is always consumed at the dinning table when at home. Even snacks so toddler has always associated a dinner table with time to eat.

No one should be aimlessly wandering around a restaurant. Especially not a three year old trailed by her mother, walk to the toilet, or stay in your seats.
if she can’t last more than ten minutes, teach her to! That’s just a lame excuse.

nothing wrong with a bit of finger pointing. Hopefully you AND your daughter have understood the message that came with it, which was doubtless the point.

be grateful it wasn’t a slap!

OP, nobody wants to be greeted by your 3 year old when they walk into a restaurant. The people who are smiling at her are just being polite. Why are you letting your child behave this way? The woman who stopped her is right - she shouldn't be running around a restaurant.

I would have lost my mind at those parents! WTF?!

So don't let your daughter run round a restaurant! Don't take her to her restaurant if she's too little. If someone accidentally spilled hot food on her it would be 100% on you and they'd feel terrible about it. I just avoided places where I knew my kids wouldn't settle until they were old enough to sit still.

As long as mum was trailing nearby supervising and DD wasn’t causing trouble to staff, I wouldn’t have a problem with it. I had a very active 3 year old who is now a lovely 19 year old, so ignore the doomsday predictions and blame of parenting@TheMaryClaire my son has turned out fine!

I think it’s important for mental wellbeing that both mother and child get out of the house for social times and learning opportunities. Being in a restaurant is different to eating at home and all part of socialisation for your DD. This is especially important if she has a short attention span as the risk is that you become isolated and depressed waiting for a stage in development that pleases everyone who believes children should be seen and not heard. The key is close supervision.

Restaurants are like planes - they are paid for public spaces. It can sometimes be annoying being in a public space with others and unless the behaviour is threatening (such as a drunk or verbal abuse) expectations have to be adjusted or they can elect to stay at home themselves.

I had four children under five , we had no screens around then and no way would we let them wonder around they had manners !! You’ve got PPP piss Poor Parenting!!

Sorry, just wondered why the fact she's 50 would matter? If it's because people generally think only old people should be scared of a child running round, because they are the ones most likely to get hurt if they bang into them, anyone of any age can have a disability and end up in hospital if they're knocked over.

Don’t feel bad OP. It’s really commonplace for toddlers not to able to sit still for more than 10 mins in my experience - even if they are eating! It’s a combination of natural attention span and their need to be moving. And if you’ve got a long wait for your food then it can be really difficult.

I find in restaurants we do a cycle of colouring (barely a minute or two as they hate it), then stickers/activity books (few more minutes), then reading a story (depends on interest but generally they manage no more than 5 mins at a time) and then unless I want to break out the phone/tablet which zombifies them, they will be off around the restaurant with me sticking to them like glue for another few minutes till they are bored of that too. And then the cycle starts all over again.

I can only think the issue was you perhaps not sticking close enough to your child and so they annoyed the other customers. Never mind if she wants to explore the restaurant “on her own” - on that one mine get told they have a choice: they have to stay in their seat (won’t happen 🙄) or mum has to stay very close to them and they aren’t allowed to go near other people during their wander. If they do, I’m close enough to grab them and move them away.

But I must admit I’m amazed at all the perfect parents on here who can get their 2 or 3 year old to sit still for half an hour or more just with colouring or stories 🤣 Mine want to move!

She’s fine, you’re fine, your daughter’s fine. People are just grumpy shits. Ignore them, parenting is hard enough without worrying about what every judgmental bore is thinking about you, you’ll find the worst of them on mumsnet too.

I think it’s important for mental wellbeing that both mother and child get out of the house for social times and learning opportunities. Being in a restaurant is different to eating at home and all part of socialisation for your DD. This is especially important if she has a short attention span as the risk is that you become isolated and depressed waiting for a stage in development that pleases everyone who believes children should be seen and not heard. The key is close supervision.
Of course social interactions are important for a child's development, in fact they are vital.
Eating in a restaurant is different from eating ar home,that why people go out to eat and have a nice lunch or dinner out.
A restaurant is not the place for a small child being trailed by an adult.
A child wandering round, especially near my table would annoy me. They are a distraction and a trip risk. It would piss me off even more if I had mum lolloping by saying ' oh she just wants to say hello' as I had the other month. I was mid conversation with a friend who was upset over something and we were trying to talk.
For social interactions and food an informal cafe would be a better option or the family diner type place where there is a kids place to play, they are more casual and in my expierence people are more willing to chat with others and make a fuss over a child.
Going back to the beginning of the post im referencing, I agree that it is important for mums and children mental well being to have social I traction, thats why there's mum and baby groups, family hubs, gym tots,and other initiatives. A child does not have to trail round a restaurant for likes.

People are just grumpy shits
Just because people dont want to be tripping over a toddler or wanting time away from their own children and enjoy adult company does not make them 'grumpy shits'

YABU if a random kid was bothering me whilst I was trying to have a nice meal it would piss me off. Time to starting parenting OP.

This.