Argument with another mum in the park

[anotheronettc]

Ugh.. hate that I am writing this but also am driving myself mad and am doubting myself as a human lately.. I have two little ones, 1 and 3 (just had their birthdays). I am a polite person and never let me kids treat other kids badly but if they do I will always apologise on their behalf and make them apologise (well my three year old anyway!)

today at the park I had just put my two boys on the swings. This park has about 4 swings. But these two were next to each other so I could push both boys. A mum and girl (around 3-4 years old) came in and straight away headed for where we were, the little girl ran in front of the swing and I had to stop it mid air so it didn’t hit her. The mum was a few steps behind but said nothing. I carried on pushing my kids keeping an eye out for this little girl.

the girl then proceeds to be a toddler and have a tantrum. Charging at my boys on the swings screaming get off now. Over and over.. this goes on for about 4 mins. The mum is just watching.

my boys look very confused. I feel bad for them as they are being shouted at for nothing. At this point I don’t want to take them off while this girl is demanding it because I feel like it would teach them that her behaviour is ok and that we have to get off just because she is screaming at them.

in the end I turn round and say to the mum.. this is so unpleasant for my children to be being screamed at like this and she completely ignores me. I then am quite shocked by this and say .. I’m not sure why you’re ignoring me this isn’t ok.

she flips like a rocket and gets quite close to me… “she’s a child!” “I have never experienced anything like this”

to which I say “this is so rude” “you need to parent your child”

she storms out park.

was I completely unreasonable here. I appreciate honestly. I feel pretty shit about it, I know she may have been going through stuff but then also I think., I’m having a miscarriage currently and dealing with stuff but I’d never let me kids treat others like that.

Yeah...fuck that, your boys are also children...tell her to fuck off and parent her brat

Some people just idiots. They shouldn't have children. You did the right thing. I think you were very patient.

Don’t give it a second thought!!!

Wasn't an argument OP it was a woman who clearly had issues.

You were right to say something to her and not the kid (I would have been tempted with a ‘sweetheart there are two more swings here if you want to swing with it).

It’s not okay her kid had a tantrum when there were other swings available- she doesn’t own the park.

Sometime (often) people cannot STAND being gently confronted or spoken to.

Give it no more thought. You did nothing wrong.

I would have told the little girl to stop it!

her Mum had plenty of opportunity to do so herself & didn't, so I would. Nicely, but firmly.

but you handled it in a different way & that was fine too.

your boys didn't deserve mini banshee!!

it's irrelevant what she might be going through. She still needs to parent her child or find childcare! Sounds like she was just a twat anyway!

don't give it anymore thought! I loved the boys at 1 & 3. One of the best years ever!

Thanks! We need more of this.

She needs to learn that parenting is active not passive. You were in the right. Forget her.

Yeah, she was failing to parent her child. Maybe she'd had a bad day. Who knows. But it sounds as though you handled it well.

Not unreasonable at all. I’m an advocate for “if you don’t parent your child, someone else will” so I’d have given the mum a chance to tell her child to wait for her turn etc, and if she didn’t, I’d have no issue doing it myself.

Your loyalty and priority is to your kids, you spoke up for them. Don’t ever feel bad for that.

i am worried for the little girl, given her mum’s actions and reactions. Young children often behave towards other children the way they are treated at home.

Good on you op I think you waited too long to call her out tbh

Ugh thanks guys you actually made me cry because I’ve felt so bad since I came home! I hope that mum is ok as well, but I feel more reassured now I wasn’t a complete monster.
parenting is hard!

Yeah I get that too. That’s why I’ve been beating myself up about it too. Maybe I could have said is everything ok or something kinder

Thank you. Ah that’s nice to hear, it’s so busy but also so so sweet isn’t it, their excitement over everything is great

I've had the "Wow?! He/she is child!" retort too as an excuse for crap parenting before too. The woman is a dick.

I would have done the same thing OP so you've done nothing wrong IMO. The Mum was rude as was the child by the sounds of it. Apples and trees spring to mind!

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Its really hard dealing with a potential loss and having to carry on with normal things. Sounds like you handled it very well.

Anyone can be a parent, even when they really shouldn't be. Don't worry about it OP that lady has real problems coming and you are the least of them.

I actually dislike the way you said that. You come across as wanting to enforce your parenting on her kid. She was waiting for over 4 minutes for a turn on the swings by the sound of it, with no sign of you getting off or saying perhaps to your kids. 2 minutes more and we'll let little girl have a go. She's was a kid and not in control of her emotions but what's yiur excuse for being a cow to her.

You did nothing wrong, the other mum was being useless. Surely if she’d engaged her brain for half a second, the little girl could’ve been easily redirected to one of the other available swings? Or have I misread?
I am sorry to hear of your troubles x

How did you get that? OP absolutely didn't tell the woman how to parent her child, but did stick up for her own children who were being screamed at. OP intentionally didn't try to intervene directly with the other child (which is what you're wanting) and didn't tell the other mother how to go about stopping the screaming or get involved in something that wasn't directly affecting her or her own DC.

There were other swings, but even if there weren't OP still wasn't in the wrong. 4 minutes is not an unreasonable time to swing and the only reason it seemed so long was that the little girl's mum was doing absolutely nothing to redirect her to free equipment to help her pass the time.

Thank you and yes there was a swing free about 3 metres away but she just wanted the specific one my son was on. The park was basically empty.

Well, she’s nuts. But in similar circumstances I’ve just carried on as I am and said aloud “aren’t you being a little madam” or something to that effect. She can shout and wail all she likes and her mum can sit and watch all she likes. I’m not bothered. Not my circus, not my monkeys. Focus on teaching your own kids that it’s unacceptable. They’re seeing that she’s not getting her own way, that’s what matters.

Thank you, appreciate that. I think I’m also at the end of my tether emotionally I just didn’t want my kids to think this was ok. Since we’ve got home my son has been copying the girls behaviour shouting at my little one.. get off now! I’ve had to explain this isn’t ok. They pick up so much!

exactly that! I didn’t want my sons to think if they go and scream at another child they will get what they want.
in hindsight maybe I could have said something to the child but the mum was right there it felt very weird that she wasn’t even looking at me or engaging.