Page 3 | Argument with another mum in the park

anotheronettc · 2025-06-04T19:37:19+00:00

Ugh.. hate that I am writing this but also am driving myself mad and am doubting myself as a human lately.. I have two little ones, 1 and 3 (just had their birthdays). I am a polite person and never let me kids treat other kids badly but if they do I will always apologise on their behalf and make them apologise (well my three year old anyway!) today at the park I had just put my two boys on the swings. This park has about 4 swings. But these two were next to each other so I could push both boys. A mum and girl (around 3-4 years old) came in and straight away headed for where we were, the little girl ran in front of the swing and I had to stop it mid air so it didn’t hit her. The mum was a few steps behind but said nothing. I carried on pushing my kids keeping an eye out for this little girl. the girl then proceeds to be a toddler and have a tantrum. Charging at my boys on the swings screaming get off now. Over and over.. this goes on for about 4 mins. The mum is just watching. my boys look very confused. I feel bad for them as they are being shouted at for nothing. At this point I don’t want to take them off while this girl is demanding it because I feel like it would teach them that her behaviour is ok and that we have to get off just because she is screaming at them. in the end I turn round and say to the mum.. this is so unpleasant for my children to be being screamed at like this and she completely ignores me. I then am quite shocked by this and say .. I’m not sure why you’re ignoring me this isn’t ok. she flips like a rocket and gets quite close to me… “she’s a child!” “I have never experienced anything like this” to which I say “this is so rude” “you need to parent your child” she storms out park. was I completely unreasonable here. I appreciate honestly. I feel pretty shit about it, I know she may have been going through stuff but then also I think., I’m having a miscarriage currently and dealing with stuff but I’d never let me kids treat others like that.

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Whaleandsnail6 · 05/06/2025 07:28

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 04/06/2025 23:16

I think wanting a particular swing or to do things in a particular order is common in children who are ND and where possible and reasonable around my own ND children, I tend to accommodate and explain to my own children.

The mum was perfectly reasonable, she wasn’t insisting on your children getting off rhe swings or supporting her child’s unreasonable request

What you’re considering wonderful parenting eg pointing out the alternative, scolding about the tantrum, attempting reason or consequences would potentially massively have escalated things, with some ND kids I know into actual aggression. Passive ignoring was potentially far better parenting than the type you wanted.

Sure your kids didn’t like being screamed at but the child wasn’t hurting them or being offensive. The mum could have carted out of the park if small enough perhaps but maybe she weighed it up and decided the minor inconvenience to your children of a bit of screaming, wasn’t worth the hours long meltdown the carting off would have resulted in.

Of course it could be nothing like this and passive parenting of an NT child but personally I prefer to imagine the best case scenario. Makes everything more pleasant.

I disagree with this.

The little girls behaviours could have upset the ops kids, who were doing absolutely nothing wrong and minding their own business on the swings.

Some children could find being shouted and screamed at by another very distressing, and anxiety provoking. I know one of my boys would have been really upset by this when they were 3, not knowing that they were doing wrong, and it would have spoilt their fun and not been "minor inconvenience" for them.

From a 3 year old point of view, there is other swings available for the little girl to use, why should she have that particular one that your kids were already using?

If anything, if the mum felt she couldn't possibly prevent/intervene with her daughter's behaviour she should have acknowledged it was unpleasant for op's kids and not totally ignore it from the get go.

FortyElephants · 05/06/2025 07:31

Nazzywish · 04/06/2025 22:11

I actually dislike the way you said that. You come across as wanting to enforce your parenting on her kid. She was waiting for over 4 minutes for a turn on the swings by the sound of it, with no sign of you getting off or saying perhaps to your kids. 2 minutes more and we'll let little girl have a go. She's was a kid and not in control of her emotions but what's yiur excuse for being a cow to her.

There were other swings!

Readytohealnow · 05/06/2025 07:36

Some people should not be parents OP, and an example of that in this situation is not you.
Don’t think about it any more. Kiddonis in for a rude awakening when she starts school if she thinks that screaming will get her her own way

Eldermileniummam · 05/06/2025 07:38

YANBU OP

Peacepleaselouise · 05/06/2025 07:41

Kids do these things and it’s not always possible to clam them down or stop them. But really weird that the mum didn’t try or at the very least apologise to you on her behalf. I probably would have said “oh bless her it’s hard being little” or something and tried to bond with the mum who was having a crappy day. But I don’t think that what you said was terrible, maybe a bit harsh but equally she should have said something to you first.

Foreverm0re · 05/06/2025 07:46

OP you did nothing wrong. Being a cow? There was a free swing nearby ffs. And ND being used as an excuse for crap parenting again, please 🙄

DrummingMousWife · 05/06/2025 07:47

Nazzywish · 04/06/2025 22:11

I actually dislike the way you said that. You come across as wanting to enforce your parenting on her kid. She was waiting for over 4 minutes for a turn on the swings by the sound of it, with no sign of you getting off or saying perhaps to your kids. 2 minutes more and we'll let little girl have a go. She's was a kid and not in control of her emotions but what's yiur excuse for being a cow to her.

I really don’t understand how you get to this ? OP was absolutely within her rights to ask this woman to parent her child. No one should be screamed at - especially when there are two other swings vacant.

Missohnoyoubetterdont · 05/06/2025 08:02

Maybe @Nazzywish is the mum with the badly behaved child? 🧐

Cleaningtroubles2 · 05/06/2025 08:06

The little girl was seeking attention, and is going to great lengths to do so. This is not her fault, her mother is clearly not looking after her properly or at all.

Your duty is to your sons and to keep them safe. As long as you were kind and told the little girl to wait, you can’t really be responsible for how she reacts. This isn’t about you or your sons, you were just caught up in a very sad dynamic between a mother and her child.

Cleaningtroubles2 · 05/06/2025 08:11

The mother should have noticed her DD’s distress, bent down to her level, perhaps hugged her and said I can see a really cheerful swing over here, how high would you like to go? I will push you.

Or the slide is free now, I will race you there. None of the scenario op describes needed to have happened at all with an involved parent, maybe there is a back story to the mother’s indifference, sadly that won’t make much of a difference to the little girl and her experience growing up.

Reallybadidea · 05/06/2025 08:12

Britneyfan · 05/06/2025 02:08

I mean what you said was obviously never going to go down well, you’ve basically criticised her parenting on the basis of a tiny snapshot of their lives. She was never going to be happy about it, and felt free to speak her mind to you just as clearly as she probably felt you were speaking yours to her.

I do think you could have been a bit more diplomatic being totally honest, just ignored the whole situation altogether rather than say anything to the mum, or as others have said in your shoes I would also have probably tried to diffuse the situation by reassuring the child that she won’t be waiting long etc and moved on fairly quickly (though I agree 4 minutes isn’t long objectively!) Or honestly I personally would probably have said to the kid “hey it’s fine, I see you really want this swing and we can easily move to this other one, but I’m sure you know normally it’s good to be a bit patient for your turn and not kind to say “off! OK? ” etc.

I understand what you were doing but I don’t personally think it’s necessarily setting up terrible examples and habits forever especially with kids of such young ages, to just be aware of your environment and others around you and react as needed, and occasionally recognise that although you shouldn’t HAVE to give in because of another child’s tantrum, the reality is that as you said it wasn’t fun for anyone by that point anyway with all the screaming… you can be flexible with this sort of thing to an extent, it’s ok to not stand on higher-minded principles 100 percent of the time in all situations (which can be exhausting and often unrealistic in practice) and doesn’t mean your kids will turn out to be total pushovers especially if this is an exceptional situation.

But also how you reacted and what you said/how you dealt with things wasn’t necessarily wrong (and it’s ok if you yourself felt you didn’t want to give in on your kids behalf for your own sake but if it’s more that then at least be honest with yourself that it’s more on your own behalf than the kids you’re taking this stand), it’s just a bit more confrontational than my personal style. That’s fine if that’s how you want to play things but obviously others don’t always respond well to being called out or having boundaries set etc. And you have to be prepared to deal with the fallout of taking this approach (hence it being potentially exhausting). I’m a bit surprised that you found her response surprising TBH. I suspect in a similar situation you’d have felt much the same as her.

Sweet of you to care about what might have been going on with her or her kid and given it some serious thought and reflected on it all though and definitely shows that you have good empathy.

It obviously does sound a bit mad that she was so upset if there were other swings not being used, but toddlers are not always rational about these things as I’m sure you realise! Not the child’s fault, and yes sounds like the mum could have been a bit more proactive in trying to help manage the situation rather than leave it all to you. You weren’t wrong. But there were other ways to handle this with their own pros and cons. And I don’t think you should lose too much sleep over the whole thing basically! It’s a storm in a teacup xx

Edited

Do we have to gentle parent adults now?

InfoSecInTheCity · 05/06/2025 08:30

You were fine, there were 2 other swings the mum should have told her daughter that she could use one of those and then pushed her and interacted with her or she should have tried to distract her with a different activity in the park. Just standing by ignoring the whole situation and letting her kid bother yours wasn’t an acceptable choice.

NigellaAwesome · 05/06/2025 08:43

I think you handled it fine. You tried to ignore it, then appealed to the parent who could have intervened but didn’t. Definitely her problem, not yours. My only concern is that it could make going back to that park anxiety provoking for both you and your DC in case that child and her mother are there again. Is it a small local park or a bigger one that people would travel to?

its2346 · 05/06/2025 08:45

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 04/06/2025 23:16

I think wanting a particular swing or to do things in a particular order is common in children who are ND and where possible and reasonable around my own ND children, I tend to accommodate and explain to my own children.

The mum was perfectly reasonable, she wasn’t insisting on your children getting off rhe swings or supporting her child’s unreasonable request

What you’re considering wonderful parenting eg pointing out the alternative, scolding about the tantrum, attempting reason or consequences would potentially massively have escalated things, with some ND kids I know into actual aggression. Passive ignoring was potentially far better parenting than the type you wanted.

Sure your kids didn’t like being screamed at but the child wasn’t hurting them or being offensive. The mum could have carted out of the park if small enough perhaps but maybe she weighed it up and decided the minor inconvenience to your children of a bit of screaming, wasn’t worth the hours long meltdown the carting off would have resulted in.

Of course it could be nothing like this and passive parenting of an NT child but personally I prefer to imagine the best case scenario. Makes everything more pleasant.

Wow! 🤯 “Minor inconvenience”. Fucking wow!

I am here to disillusion you of the idea that this is trivial. If my child, at a very young age, had been screamed at continuously by another with their parent standing silently by, my child would probably have refused to go to the park ever again out of real fear it would happen again. Maybe you don’t care about that, but I do, and I would not allow that to happen. It’s not a minor thing. It is horrible. Do you expect adults to just shrug off being screamed at?

So, if your ND child regularly relentlessly screams at children in the park to get their way, please be aware that they might be causing real harm to another. Don’t delude yourself by minimising it. And take some adult responsibility for that.

For example, maybe the park isn’t the right place for a ND child if they can’t cope with it without causing harm to others. Or maybe their parent should visit the park when it’s quiet. And if that screaming could tip into actual real aggression, as you say, then DEFINITELY think very carefully about the situations your ND child is put in. Other children are not ‘learning tools’ to teach ND kids how to cope. They are humans with their own emotional and mental health needs.

BethDuttonYeHaw · 05/06/2025 08:47

She was an idiot

New2you · 05/06/2025 08:58

Thankfully mine are past this point now but many times when they were little I would parent other peoples children for them. I would give the parents an opportunity to do it and if they didn’t then I’d kindly explain to the child.

I never had a parent ever call me out on it they always just looked embarrassed and sorry that they hadn’t intervened.

Kibble19 · 05/06/2025 11:20

its2346 · 05/06/2025 08:45

Wow! 🤯 “Minor inconvenience”. Fucking wow!

I am here to disillusion you of the idea that this is trivial. If my child, at a very young age, had been screamed at continuously by another with their parent standing silently by, my child would probably have refused to go to the park ever again out of real fear it would happen again. Maybe you don’t care about that, but I do, and I would not allow that to happen. It’s not a minor thing. It is horrible. Do you expect adults to just shrug off being screamed at?

So, if your ND child regularly relentlessly screams at children in the park to get their way, please be aware that they might be causing real harm to another. Don’t delude yourself by minimising it. And take some adult responsibility for that.

For example, maybe the park isn’t the right place for a ND child if they can’t cope with it without causing harm to others. Or maybe their parent should visit the park when it’s quiet. And if that screaming could tip into actual real aggression, as you say, then DEFINITELY think very carefully about the situations your ND child is put in. Other children are not ‘learning tools’ to teach ND kids how to cope. They are humans with their own emotional and mental health needs.

Show quote history

This. If your child can’t be in a place for any reason, you don’t take them. Yes that’s rubbish for the kid, but their needs (if there are any) don’t come before anyone else’s.

A minor inconvenience that the two kids were screamed at for several minutes? Nah, I think the Mum sitting on her arse doing nothing was lucky that the OP isn’t the type to go after her and end up in a fight.

The mum was being perfectly reasonable by letting her kid scream like a brat and that’s ok because she wasn’t physically hurting the other kids? And of course don’t scold the kid because they’ll have a meltdown and things will get worse.

Get that so far to fuck. Ridiculous, enabling, weak parenting which will only serve to get the kid’s teeth knocked down their throat one day when another child won’t tolerate them anymore.

MarioLink · 05/06/2025 12:13

I think like us you've learned a hard lesson. I once looked at a very naughty child the wrong way and the mother threatened me with violence so much that staff at the venue and other members of the public stepped to protect my kids from her. You were right but parents now defend their kids at all costs, like when a teacher phones parents about a child's poor behaviour and the parent complains about the teacher. In future to protect yourself walk away and explain to your boys that the girl wasn't asking for swing nicely.

JustAnInchident · 05/06/2025 12:21

its2346 · 05/06/2025 08:45

Wow! 🤯 “Minor inconvenience”. Fucking wow!

I am here to disillusion you of the idea that this is trivial. If my child, at a very young age, had been screamed at continuously by another with their parent standing silently by, my child would probably have refused to go to the park ever again out of real fear it would happen again. Maybe you don’t care about that, but I do, and I would not allow that to happen. It’s not a minor thing. It is horrible. Do you expect adults to just shrug off being screamed at?

So, if your ND child regularly relentlessly screams at children in the park to get their way, please be aware that they might be causing real harm to another. Don’t delude yourself by minimising it. And take some adult responsibility for that.

For example, maybe the park isn’t the right place for a ND child if they can’t cope with it without causing harm to others. Or maybe their parent should visit the park when it’s quiet. And if that screaming could tip into actual real aggression, as you say, then DEFINITELY think very carefully about the situations your ND child is put in. Other children are not ‘learning tools’ to teach ND kids how to cope. They are humans with their own emotional and mental health needs.

Show quote history

Completely agree with all of this!! Some of these responses.. well 🤯
We’ve got a kid, around 2.5 years old, who comes to our local toddler group. His mum reckons he has autism, maybe he does, but she just.. opts out of dealing with him when he’s in that hall. He kicks, hits, bites, pushes, screams at and ultimately bullies every other child there, whoever’s in his way at the time. I sympathise that it can’t be easy parenting such a difficult child but she doesn’t really seem to parent at all! We want everyone to enjoy the group but it can’t be this one child at the cost of every other child there surely?

Bournetilly · 05/06/2025 12:28

Nazzywish · 04/06/2025 22:11

I actually dislike the way you said that. You come across as wanting to enforce your parenting on her kid. She was waiting for over 4 minutes for a turn on the swings by the sound of it, with no sign of you getting off or saying perhaps to your kids. 2 minutes more and we'll let little girl have a go. She's was a kid and not in control of her emotions but what's yiur excuse for being a cow to her.

I agree with this, 4 minutes is a long time to wait at that age. If my DC were on the swings and someone was waiting I wouldn’t keep pushing them indefinitely, especially not a just turned 1 year old.

The mum should have said something to the girl but I don’t think you should have.

Kibble19 · 05/06/2025 13:39

Bournetilly · 05/06/2025 12:28

I agree with this, 4 minutes is a long time to wait at that age. If my DC were on the swings and someone was waiting I wouldn’t keep pushing them indefinitely, especially not a just turned 1 year old.

The mum should have said something to the girl but I don’t think you should have.

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I think there’s a difference between a kid waiting and one screaming for your kid to get off. If the OP takes her kids off, it sends the wrong message to them about tantrums = effective.

It all comes back to the girl’s mum, IMO. If she didn't bother to do anything, why should other people make accommodations for her child?

Reallybadidea · 05/06/2025 13:49

JustAnInchident · 05/06/2025 12:21

Completely agree with all of this!! Some of these responses.. well 🤯
We’ve got a kid, around 2.5 years old, who comes to our local toddler group. His mum reckons he has autism, maybe he does, but she just.. opts out of dealing with him when he’s in that hall. He kicks, hits, bites, pushes, screams at and ultimately bullies every other child there, whoever’s in his way at the time. I sympathise that it can’t be easy parenting such a difficult child but she doesn’t really seem to parent at all! We want everyone to enjoy the group but it can’t be this one child at the cost of every other child there surely?

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I knew a kid like this when mine were at toddler group. He never got a diagnosis of anything but last I heard there was a warrant out for his arrest

Kibble19 · 05/06/2025 14:00

JustAnInchident · 05/06/2025 12:21

Completely agree with all of this!! Some of these responses.. well 🤯
We’ve got a kid, around 2.5 years old, who comes to our local toddler group. His mum reckons he has autism, maybe he does, but she just.. opts out of dealing with him when he’s in that hall. He kicks, hits, bites, pushes, screams at and ultimately bullies every other child there, whoever’s in his way at the time. I sympathise that it can’t be easy parenting such a difficult child but she doesn’t really seem to parent at all! We want everyone to enjoy the group but it can’t be this one child at the cost of every other child there surely?

Show quote history

If I was in charge of that group, he’d be removed. Not even solely because of his behaviour, but because of his Mum’s unwillingness to parent to that extent; there’s a world of difference between a mum doing her best and struggling and one who does nothing and gives it the old “oh well he’s got (xxx) so this can’t be helped”.

He’ll get battered one day (in a couple of years maybe) by another child he hits or bites.

InfoSecInTheCity · 05/06/2025 14:37

Bournetilly · 05/06/2025 12:28

I agree with this, 4 minutes is a long time to wait at that age. If my DC were on the swings and someone was waiting I wouldn’t keep pushing them indefinitely, especially not a just turned 1 year old.

The mum should have said something to the girl but I don’t think you should have.

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But they didn’t need to wait, there were 2 empty available swings she could have used. The OPs boys were on the other 2 and as there were free swings available there was no need to pull them off of an activity they were engaged with and enjoying.

RawBloomers · 05/06/2025 15:46

Bournetilly · 05/06/2025 12:28

I agree with this, 4 minutes is a long time to wait at that age. If my DC were on the swings and someone was waiting I wouldn’t keep pushing them indefinitely, especially not a just turned 1 year old.

The mum should have said something to the girl but I don’t think you should have.

Show quote history

Kids of that age often have to wait longer than 4 minutes for all sorts of things.

If my kids want to do something at the park (or anywhere else) that’s already in use I distract them and encourage them to do other things and we come back to when it’s free. I don’t let them hang around pressuring the other kid to stop doing something they are enjoying.

Argument with another mum in the park

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