WFH and childcare for step daughter

[Helpme1992]

I am 33 (f) with my partner 33 (m). I don't have any children, my partner has a child 9 (f) from a previous relationship.
I WFH the majority of the time for a local authority, so not for myself. I have a high demanding stressful job of managing a finance team.
Whenever my step daughter is poorly or it is the school holidays and her mother hasn't arranged suitable childcare, she always asks me to look after her because 'I work from home so I can look after her'. Everytime she has asked me I have always said no. This is starting to cause friction from step daughters mother to my partner.
However, I don't see why it is any different to someone who goes to a place of work who cannot look after a child, to someone who WFH.
I am in meetings, training, phone calls and I sit in silence with no TV/music on when working. I need to concentrate. I cannot look after a poorly child whilst I am also working. On some occasions when I have been asked, I have actually been in the office (I do go in every other week).
However when I am WFH the opinion is that I should just be able to look after her.
It also doesn't help that step daughter does not listen to me very much. When I ask her to do something, or not do something, she more often than not ignores me, and I have to repeat myself 10 times or ask her dad to sort her.
If I have to say to her, you cannot talk to me for the next 2 hours I am on a meeting, she won't listen and will try and come and talk to me. Making it even more difficult.
It is my career, it is important. I don't have children of my own and yes I respect and understanding being with my partner he has a daughter, so that comes with additional factors, but I do not see how that should affect my work.
Am I in the wrong?

Block the girls Mum on your phone then she'll have to go through your partner.

No you are not in the wrong. You can't work and care for a child. They are both being CFs here to be honest as they need to sacrifice their leave/take an unpaid day where they need to care for their poorly child and not dump the responsibility on you.
And no you don't need to go the office as has been suggested. You're well within your rights to say no and keep saying no.

From what I understand he hasn’t declared he lives in her housing association house. He part of the time lives in his own house. However, their relationship and money really is none of my business nor how they conduct themselves. Nor do I have any intention of telling her who should look after their child, it really is between my partner and her to sort out their child. Not me

Ohhh a boyfriend, not a step dad.

Sounds like he's got the right idea, he's checked himself out of childcare for an unrelated child.

If that's ok, then she shouldn't be asking you.

Just keep saying no.

As far as I’m aware it’s something to do with his own children, what I don’t know. SD refers to him as step dad, in her eyes that’s what he is. They have been together a long time. But who am I to say to a child how they feel about step parents is incorrect.
My own step mum use to split her time between my dads house and her own house, because of her own children until we all grew up. But I always referred to her as step mum. The modern family is very complex that’s for sure

Why has this woman got your number anyway? She doesn't need your number! "Lose" your phone and don't give her the new number.

Strictly speaking as you are not married, (unless I missed a post) to her Dad you are no relation to his daughter and have no responsibility to care for her. She is her dad's responsibility. I get you are being a nice girlfriend but it's not your problem to solve her childcare.

Marriage does not then mean parental responsibility. I don’t know where you are from. The notion of only being related because of marriage is completely your opinion but not mine. It’s a personal choice to marry or not.

myself and her dad have a house, mortgage and responsibilities together. We look after her 50/50 between her mum. I know I am not responsible for her nor am I wanting to solve their child care issues, which isn’t what I’ve asked.
as for ‘being a nice girlfriend’. Whenever you choose to be with someone who has kids, that comes with a whole other layer, factors and considerations to the relationship. So you are taking something on. A nice as you say, I still say no to looking after her when I’m working, not my problem to sort

Are you also happy with the "village" telling kids off when they are running around coffee shops or are you one of those that think the village just means free childcare,

Sounds like your partner is the problem here. A, he should be arranging appropriate childcare for his child. B, he should be telling his Ex no when she asks. This shouldn’t be a problem to you full stop let alone one you need to bring to MN.

The problem isn’t the partner, but the ex who believes that because OP is “just at home all day”, she has a conveniently free babysitter. She DOESN’T go through DP, she goes directly to OP, who finds this imposition intrusive and the idea that she isn’t really working - or can afford the interruptions incredibly insulting.

As an ex hr professional we would get really firm on people juggling childcare and wfh. It isn't an option, maybe if she's so sick she's in bed asleep all day and just needs some drinks taking, but if she's up, watching tv, listening to music, needs her lunch making etc then you're not able to properly work.
I'd not focus on the fact she doesn't listen etc, (although that's it's whole own issue) it's more just that you're working so youre not free to look after her. Added to which, youre not her parent and have no reason to try and figure this out for them.

It's for her and your partner to figure out unfortunately for them.

reply with no

you don’t need to say why. I would spend time on building the relationship with SD as she will become a teenager and the behaviour will be worse.

Thank you! This is exactly my gripe!
If I was free and available, then I’d have no issues in having her and helping. Which I have done. My issue is exactly what you’ve said, that the opinion is I’m at home so I can look after her. When no I am working and I can’t look after her. I work full time. I’m working and it’s just a no! Thank you :)

Thank you. No I know it isn’t a problem that I need to sort I was just wanting to check I am not in the wrong for saying no to looking after her because I am working. Somehow all of that has gotten lost in translation to everyone and people going off down the garden path. That was simply my question :)

"My hourly rate at work is XXX - pay me that in advance to make up for the PTO you want me to take to look after YOUR child, or drop it forever."