WFH and childcare for step daughter

[Helpme1992]

I am 33 (f) with my partner 33 (m). I don't have any children, my partner has a child 9 (f) from a previous relationship.
I WFH the majority of the time for a local authority, so not for myself. I have a high demanding stressful job of managing a finance team.
Whenever my step daughter is poorly or it is the school holidays and her mother hasn't arranged suitable childcare, she always asks me to look after her because 'I work from home so I can look after her'. Everytime she has asked me I have always said no. This is starting to cause friction from step daughters mother to my partner.
However, I don't see why it is any different to someone who goes to a place of work who cannot look after a child, to someone who WFH.
I am in meetings, training, phone calls and I sit in silence with no TV/music on when working. I need to concentrate. I cannot look after a poorly child whilst I am also working. On some occasions when I have been asked, I have actually been in the office (I do go in every other week).
However when I am WFH the opinion is that I should just be able to look after her.
It also doesn't help that step daughter does not listen to me very much. When I ask her to do something, or not do something, she more often than not ignores me, and I have to repeat myself 10 times or ask her dad to sort her.
If I have to say to her, you cannot talk to me for the next 2 hours I am on a meeting, she won't listen and will try and come and talk to me. Making it even more difficult.
It is my career, it is important. I don't have children of my own and yes I respect and understanding being with my partner he has a daughter, so that comes with additional factors, but I do not see how that should affect my work.
Am I in the wrong?

It is a dad issue if he’s expecting Op to look after the child when she’s working too. His ex has probably got in touch with him first, he refuses as he’s working and so is @Helpme1992, he doesn’t like the aggro so he makes her feel unreasonable.

It should fall on the mum if it’s in her days, and the dad if it’s on his days. Maintenance reflects this.

Lol, you’re just trolling us because the laughing emoji has gone today, aren’t you?

I haven’t replied because I’ve been working and lead a busy life! I can’t possibly answer and reply to every single person.
In no way am I putting anything on her mum or blaming anyone, I was simply asking am I wrong for saying no I cannot look after SD (or any child for that matter) whilst I am working from home. Thank you

Completely. And when it falls on our days to have her and she’s sick or anything else, then either dad has time off or sorts alternative child care. Dad does not ask me to have her when I am working. It’s the days where it happens and it falls on the mums time and she is asking me, she never asks her dad

The ex never asks my partner first and she always comes to me first. My partner never expects me to have her whilst I am working. When we have her and she’s poorly or needs alternative child care either he has the day off or he arranges alternative child care. It’s the days where it falls on when the mum has her, the mum comes to me direct

You’re not wrong! I think you are absolutely fine to say no as I’ve said a few times. However, you’ve replied several times (including to this one to say how busy you are but still haven’t said what the division of time with each parent is, presumably because it’s very one-sided) For what’s it’s worth I would be having a conversation with your partner as I’d look to him to solve the issue rather than you. Sounds like he needs to step up across the board and not just on sporadic sick days.

I haven’t come to have my relationship with my step daughter judged. She actually fails to listen to anyone other than her dad. She doesn’t listen to her mum, her step dad or her grandparents either.

Yeah, just ignore her. Not your problem. As someone who disengaged as a stepparent years ago, I can thoroughly recommend it. I was expected to drop everything and help when it was needed, and put up with rudlesss and disrespect the rest of the time, and expect to think this was just par for the course.

I’ve said in 1 reply I’m busy and can’t reply to everyone. We have 50/50 of the time other than summer holidays, when her mum has her more.
December we have her for 3 weeks other than Xmas Eve and New Years Eve. However I think that is changing next year.
When she is sick or needs alternative child care when we have her then my partner sorts alternative child care (grandparents or he’s taken the day off) but she’s rarely poorly with us. My partner never asks me when I am working. She is more poorly when she is with her mum or when her mum has failed to organise her work or social events around the time when she has her daughter, therefore she asks me because I work from home and the attitude is I can care for a child and work at the same time. When I can’t. This was simply my ask if I was being unreasonable in saying no to looking after a child when I’m working. Everything else is irrelevant. I have spoken to my partner and said it is for him to sort with the ex and I am not being involved and I cannot do child care when working. Thank you

Why would OP need to have this conversation? It’s not for her to solve. It’s for her to step out completely and let the child’s parents deal with.

Yeah which I do, thank you.
yes 50/50 other than summer holidays. We have her 3 weeks at Xmas other than Xmas Eve and New Year’s Eve.
Dad could do more in terms of communication with the ex and arranging and organising.
And no, dad doesn’t drink. Our social life is very boring haha!

You are not in the wrong.

However, your partner should be doing his fair share of sick days.

How often is she sick, anyway? It shouldn't be happening that regularly if she is a healthy child.

I said she needs to have conversation with her partner to tell him to solve this issue rather than her? Because it’s not for her to solve. I agree with you - I think you picked me up incorrectly.

Do you actually need to communicate with her at all?

Would there be any consequences if you just didn't reply?

Of course you're not in the wrong. WFH is working. They are attempting to take the piss - don't let them. The kid has two parents and neither of them are you.

Also, block her phone number then she can't message you.

It’s not OP’s issue to try to get him to step up, was the point I was making, apologies if this was not what you meant. It’s not for OP to encourage her DH to do more.

yes I understand and I’ve done my fair share of taking time off work to look after her because of other events that have been going on. If I have notice I can plan my work and move things around with advance warning. Which I have done. I said in my post I understand and appreciate that being with someone with a child has other factors and fully on board with all that.
what I cannot do is drop everything on the very same day. If I kept doing it every time I’m asked then I’d be in trouble at work. The same goes when my mum or nan drop things on me the same day, I have to say no to them because I’m working. It doesn’t matter on the person. Unless it is an emergency.
people have also pointed out to me my job contract might even state I’m not allowed to look after dependants whilst WFH. Which it may well do. I do more than my fair share of helping (when it isn’t my child).
Also, she asks me to have her the entire day despite her only working a few hours. I don’t know why she never explains

Oh I meant she needs to tell him she’s not available for childcare and he needs to liaise with mom/figure out childcare himself etc. and remove herself from equation. By removing herself though, it is I suppose telling him to do more (as he now needs to text/call/respond to mom etc). I absolutely agree shouldn’t be her job but nothing is going to change unless she tells him it’s changing - maybe that is encouraging him to step up apologies, but I didn’t mean it in a hand holding way, just in a matter of fact this isn’t my job way!

It isn’t - likewise I can’t drop everything with no notice. When we have her and of alternative child care is needed he sorts it when we have her

Thank you for your opinion. However step daughter doesn’t know and doesn’t need to know about how/who has been asked to look after her. That is for adults to sort out. When I was a child and my parents sourced child care for me and my sister, at no point were we told who couldn’t have us and why because that is a conversation for adults and not children.
I’ve done my fair share of taking annual leave to look after her myself when other things have cropped up but I have advance notice to sort. What I can’t do is drop everything last minute to look after her. Why aren’t her own parents doing that for her? Why am I being asked? Or why not her grandparents or step dad?

Another man weaponising the whole ‘self employed’ thing.
I’m self-employed too and earn five times what my husband earns. I have never used that as a reason to not pull my weight. The whole point of being self employed is to have more flexibility than people with permanent jobs. Your DH is full of it.

I think you’ve misunderstood the first part. The poster was asking how she manages financially. I don’t know nor want to know or understand.
in terms of jobs she has been fired from every full time job she has had for being late, not turning up, or misconduct. She struggles to get up early and into work and always has done. This one is the only one she’s ever managed to keep for long.
when she’s asked me have her it’s for the whole day, never the 2 hours she works. I don’t know why. She never says.
she’s the only one asking me have her when I’m working. My partner doesn’t

There's a step dad?

Where's he all day? Can't be at work if mum lives off benefits?