WFH and childcare for step daughter

[Helpme1992]

I am 33 (f) with my partner 33 (m). I don't have any children, my partner has a child 9 (f) from a previous relationship.
I WFH the majority of the time for a local authority, so not for myself. I have a high demanding stressful job of managing a finance team.
Whenever my step daughter is poorly or it is the school holidays and her mother hasn't arranged suitable childcare, she always asks me to look after her because 'I work from home so I can look after her'. Everytime she has asked me I have always said no. This is starting to cause friction from step daughters mother to my partner.
However, I don't see why it is any different to someone who goes to a place of work who cannot look after a child, to someone who WFH.
I am in meetings, training, phone calls and I sit in silence with no TV/music on when working. I need to concentrate. I cannot look after a poorly child whilst I am also working. On some occasions when I have been asked, I have actually been in the office (I do go in every other week).
However when I am WFH the opinion is that I should just be able to look after her.
It also doesn't help that step daughter does not listen to me very much. When I ask her to do something, or not do something, she more often than not ignores me, and I have to repeat myself 10 times or ask her dad to sort her.
If I have to say to her, you cannot talk to me for the next 2 hours I am on a meeting, she won't listen and will try and come and talk to me. Making it even more difficult.
It is my career, it is important. I don't have children of my own and yes I respect and understanding being with my partner he has a daughter, so that comes with additional factors, but I do not see how that should affect my work.
Am I in the wrong?

You've rightly said no. Perhaps make it clear this is always going to be the answer. By the way, why isn't her dad looking after her or arranging childcare?

No you are not wrong. And as @Oblahdeeoblahdoe points out, why isnt her dad taking time off to look after his daughter if shes sick ?? ,

You are not even slightly in the wrong but I do wonder is her Dad as well as her Mum doing his share of the childcare when she is ill or in holidays?

Thank goodness, such a relief to hear a woman say I said no to compromising my job for someone else’s demands! Absolutely not.
How often does your dh take time off for his sick child? I’d judge massively.

You cannot even be looking after your own children while WFH. It simply isn’t allowed in the majority of workplaces. Your partner’s ex is a CF.

They are both (her mum and your DP) seriously taking the piss out of you!!

Of course you’re not wrong. She’s being a pain in the arse to keep asking. Is she asking you directly? If so you can just block her, she has no need to speak to you, your partner should be dealing with her. If it’s coming via him tell him to stop passing the request on as it’s always going to be no.

This child has two parents, they knew having a child meant covering sick days and school holidays when they had her. It’s ridiculous for either of them to push that onto you.

If she won’t listen to you I’d refuse to ever have her on your own, that’s unworkable.

You're not wrong. WFH doesn't mean you can look after children while working. I don't with my own children. There may have been the odd occasion for an hour to two while I waited for my parents to come look after my DS but 100% as a last choice things (and even then I would move my hours to just work later rather than working while he was here)

The child has two parents. If the child is sick, those parents need to look after their child.

If course they can ask partners, grandparents, friends etc. But those people are under no obligation. And certainly shouldn't be expected to look after the child whilst working.

Tell the idiot mother to shove her "friction" up her arse and take her sick child to work with her. In her eyes, it's clearly no problem to have a sick child around when you need to get a full days work done. No? Then she or dad needs to take the day off, and parent. Not you.

I worked from home and there was a strict policy of not having dependents at home with us.
I did occasionally have my daughter at home ill but usually took a half day of compassionate leave and did bits of work around her needs and caught up the other hours once my partner got home.

Keep firm with your No's your working but just happen to be in your own home rather than the office. Their parents should be arranging care for them whilst they are ill.

Not your kid, not your problem. I wouldn’t be standing for this, being used as free childcare ? Hell nope.

You are completely right and reasonable to say no. And I’m so glad to hear that you’re sticking to your guns on this.
Many years ago, I was guilted into attending a school event for my DSC because neither of her parents could go. Long story short is that a client found out and complained about me. Made my life very awkward for a while. I still feel resentful about it over a decade later.

No. Some 9 yos wouldn't be an issue, they would quietly watch TV and you'd just have to occasionally check on them and bring them snacks and drinks.

My Mum used to sometimes take me into her workplace and put me in a separate room with some things to do and I wouldn't have dreamed of bothering her unless there was an emergency.

The real issue is that your SD's parents have failed to teach her to be respectful and as a result you can't WFH with her there.

This was my first thought, why is this a womans problem. Your husband should be doing half of the sickness days.

of course not. I can’t mind my own kids while I’m wfh, I or my husband have to take a day off and her dad and mom should be doing the same. Do they have equal time with her? Why is it her mother’s job to arrange suitable childcare for holidays but not fathers? You aren’t in the wrong at all, but I wonder if your husband is?

Yes - and the idea that mom doesn’t arrange childcare for holidays? Why can’t dad? Does a penis preclude someone from booking a summer camp or arranging a childminder?

Yanbu. On the days I WFH I barely have time to go to the bathroom let alone do any childcare.

It's because of attitudes like this (people taking the mickey) that many employers are pushing to get people back into the office.

Stick to your guns and if it's that important ex and your partner need to be more organised. Not your problem.

This is starting to cause friction from step daughters mother to my partner.

This is something they need work to work out, as parents. If it's mum's day, she is responsible for taking the day off. If it's Dad's day, it's his. You taking a day off work isn't in the running as a solution for when their child is sick.

You’re not remotely unreasonable. Can’t you just go into the office on her sick days as well?

The two parents thoughts, opinions and friction is none of your concern. The woman has no need to have your contact information.
Your boyfriend needs to correct her and parent his kid.

You just need to go into the office in school hols & they can’t expect you to do it. What do her parents do for a job? Can’t grandparents step in? I think an occasional sick day might be ok but they seem to think you’re just at home & haven’t accepted you are busy.

She has 2 parents, it’s up to them to sort and they should be sharing it equally.

@Helpme1992you absolutely do not need to ‘go into the office’ how ridiculous! Just say no! Honestly!!

Yes she is asking me directly, she never goes to my partner to ask, always straight to me.
I have said to my partner this morning that I won't be having her on my own ever because of her refusal to listen to me. This weekend for example me and her went to Tesco (with my mum), I told her 3/4 times to not get out the car the side she was sat on because of cars/people and get out the other side which was safe, I explained why when I told her. She ignored me and tried to open the door a bit. Then realised I was right, stopped and got out the other side.
I have told my partner about this today and explained in future she cannot be with me on her own if she does not listen. This is just 1 example of her not listening to me.
Thank you!

Yanbu. Not even a tiny bit.