WFH and childcare for step daughter

[Helpme1992]

I am 33 (f) with my partner 33 (m). I don't have any children, my partner has a child 9 (f) from a previous relationship.
I WFH the majority of the time for a local authority, so not for myself. I have a high demanding stressful job of managing a finance team.
Whenever my step daughter is poorly or it is the school holidays and her mother hasn't arranged suitable childcare, she always asks me to look after her because 'I work from home so I can look after her'. Everytime she has asked me I have always said no. This is starting to cause friction from step daughters mother to my partner.
However, I don't see why it is any different to someone who goes to a place of work who cannot look after a child, to someone who WFH.
I am in meetings, training, phone calls and I sit in silence with no TV/music on when working. I need to concentrate. I cannot look after a poorly child whilst I am also working. On some occasions when I have been asked, I have actually been in the office (I do go in every other week).
However when I am WFH the opinion is that I should just be able to look after her.
It also doesn't help that step daughter does not listen to me very much. When I ask her to do something, or not do something, she more often than not ignores me, and I have to repeat myself 10 times or ask her dad to sort her.
If I have to say to her, you cannot talk to me for the next 2 hours I am on a meeting, she won't listen and will try and come and talk to me. Making it even more difficult.
It is my career, it is important. I don't have children of my own and yes I respect and understanding being with my partner he has a daughter, so that comes with additional factors, but I do not see how that should affect my work.
Am I in the wrong?

You are not in the wrong at all. Why do people assume if you’re working from home that you can also look after a child who is there/sick?! I also WFH at least once a week and if I have a sick child (youngest is 8) even that can be a challenge and she does listen. Make it clear to your partner and his ex that it’s for them to sort and not you.

Thank you!
Her mum works in the same school the girl attends for x2/3 hours a day in the playground as a lunchtime supervisor. Her mum therefore gets majority of school holidays off work, other than training days or when she plans to do things with her own friends like go out drinking in the summer - this is when she needs childcare in the holidays. However because the mum is so unorganised, she leaves everything until the last minute to arrange childcare, hence why I am asked.
My partner is a self-employed and due to his work isn't always able to drop everything. But I agree at times he could do more!

YANBU.

In all seriousness though, how often is she off sick? Most 9 year olds, including mine, rarely get sick the older they get, from your post it sounds like she's off a lot. My child has had 1 day off school since last September. So if it's more that the school holidays are an issue they have plenty of bloody time to book work off, we all know when the holidays are! Poor organisation from both mum and dad. Not your problem.

The mum is a CF. Also, how can she afford to only work 2-3 hours per day?

People have this idea that work from means that you swan around all day, doing very little when in fact the opposite is the case. If SD was more self sufficient and could be trusted not to do anything silly then that would be one thing but that's the case here. Her bio mum needs to make proper arrangements and try to use OP as a free child minder.

I also, mainly, work from home for a local authority and it's actually part of our terms and conditions that we're not allowed to look after our children when we work from home, we must get them looked after as if we were in the office. I have a 4 year old and if she's off sick, I take a carers day/flexi/ annual leave. I cannot do my job and look after her at the same time.
I think you need to stick to your guns. Either mum or dad needs to take the time off to look after her, in my opinion.

Short term, she has two parents they need to sort it.

Long term, this is how your partner will be with your kids: self employed can’t take time off etc. Think carefully.

Completely agree. When I was younger mum/dad would sometimes take me and my sister with them to work - but we very much knew how to behave and listen and did as we were told and were quiet.

My little brother is 17 (16 years between us) and when I use to live at home years ago when he was younger (aged 10+) and I WFH then, sometimes my mum would leave my little brother with me whilst she popped out. However, I didn't even know he was there, he was quiet, would sit in his bedroom/front room and played on the Xbox. He never disturbed me and was never an issue, plus it would only be for a couple of hours.

SD on the other hand is very demanding, attention seeking, does not listen to me, refuses to get her own drink of squash or a snack. She doesnt even like washing her own hair and always wants me to wash it when we have her - but I refuse. I know what she is like and very much just think she isn't my child, if she was mine, she certainly wouldn't be the way she is!

Thank you!!

I would tell the partner that she has to go through the girl’s dad from now on. If you need to block her then do that.

Thank you, yes I agree they need to sort it. I am sticking to my guns and saying no.

In terms of long term - I don't have my own children and that ship has sadly passed for me, so that isn't anything I need to consider, thank you

Thank you! I haven't read my T&C's about that but it hasn't ever been an issue for me to look for as I don't have my own children, so never been anything for me to consider.
Yes definitley sticking to my guns and saying no! Thank you!

Think this is what annoys me the most - the fact people think you work from home so you can just look after my child, or cook dinner, or clean, or go and do this/that. I work very hard and constantly at my desk when at home.

My partner gives her child maintenance but other than that she claims benefits, housing benefit etc.

@Helpme1992 you are not in the least unreasonable.

I'd certainly block contact from the mother.

He needs to understand your perspective, she is not your child to parent, he is!

This is, actually, a hill to die on @Helpme1992

Thank you! This is what annoys me the most, people assume you WFH and can just do this and do that - no I am working! I am going to say if I am working it will always be a no, I cannot do it so please do not ask

I’m amazed she doesn’t have to look for a FT job to get benefits, but I’m no expert.

Stick to your guns. This is for the parents to resolve, not you.

The mum works in the child's school for 2-3 hours a day, so she gets most of the school holidays off, hence why she does majority of childcare in holidays. It is when she has a training day or arranges a day to go out drinking with her friends or something when childcare in holidays is needed. However because she is so unorganised and leaves everything to the last min to sort, why she then asks me.
When we have her in the holidays we are organised with time off work or other child care. It is when it is the mums turn to have her in the holiday period that the mum forgets other days and then tries to drop it on me. It's those days which are an issue. When we have her in the holidays we sort out those times - it's the time with her mum which is the issue when her mum doesn't plan or communicate.

The mum wouldn't drop her off at your office if you didn't WFH would she, so this is no different. You're working ... stick to your guns. It's not your problem.

I WFH and this annoys me ... friends knock on the door "put the kettle on" .. no I'm working!

And me, but my sister is also the same who has x2 children aged 6 and 12, no job and lives on benefits! I don't understand either!
Thank you!

Ah the old self employed excuse. Your partner needs to step up here.

@Helpme1992 you are absolutely right OP. Either you are working or you're looking after a child who is ill. Even if a 9 yo can entertain themselves with TV etc it's still a big ask. If they're sickly and needy more so.

Employers conditions about WFH usually cover this too.

Years ago when WFH was not as organised as it is now I was working in the Civil Service and awaiting redundancy/redeployment. Some young woman several grades my junior in an HR/Redeployment role phoned me from home with rug rats yowling around her. I added having that in the background to a seperate complaint about her trying to rebuke me over not applying for a role and tell me an instruction from our SCS sponsor about keeping the old outfit afloat until it was formally abolished.

completely - but that's between him and the mum to resolve between them, something I want to stay out of. They can sort it between themselves and take it in turns, but not for me to sort :)

They are wrong to keep asking you.

I have kids, no I wouldnt ask anyone to look after them when they are sick.
Very entitled and out of order of the parents.
They should look after their own kids.
Yes you might be a step parent but your arent the actual parent who has a duty of care to their sick child.

As others have said, you are absolutely not in the wrong here.
You are not the child's parent.
I would block the mother (she should not be contacting you about this, anyway) and suggest DP and her arrange childcare through a parenting app.