Do you check your child's phone at 10?

[KateERxx]

As in, do you check the messages/whatsapp of your child between friends to make sure they're safe and not being bullied/or are being mean to other kids? As well as monitoring the rest of their general phone like internet usage & photos?

I do to my DD who's finishing year 6 this year. I didn't want her to have a phone but all her peer group do at school and didn't want her to feel left out. She has strict hours she's allowed to be on it though, mainly weekends only at this age.

Only reason I ask as after speaking to a few different Mum's they think this is an invasion of her privacy and my DD will start to resent me for it as she's get's older?

I checked my children’s phones daily from 12-14. They knew about it so there was no privacy issue.

You agreed with it. I’m addressing you both.

of course you check her phone. There’s privacy then there ensuring she’s isn’t groomed by some fat paedo online.

The opinions of parents that allow their ten Yr old to have smart phones wouldn't be important to me tbh

Of course you need to check it! My kids are 9 and 11 and they dont have phones yet. DS asksk often because most of his class has one. Just last year there was porn sent around their class whatsapp and one girl from his class sent a picture of herself. It was a huge deal! I didnt hear anything as a parent, because my son luckily isnt in the chat since he doesnt have a phone, but i work at the school and was involved that way.
parents had no idea what was going on and it was only discovered because one of our TAs heard the kids talk about it after class.

as long as she’s a child, her safety and well being is your responsibility. and as an adult, she will look back and blame you for anything that goes wrong, and simply laugh as excuses like “i didn’t want to invade your privacy”. aside from that, what sort of secrets should a 10 year old kid have from their parents?

I was chair of governors at a primary school - yes you need to check that phone. Given what I know now, in your position my kid would only have a phone I could fully monitor. The other parents will forget their criticism if you are the one to flag a serious issue.

Our primary school has had to have the police involved 3 times in the past year due to grooming issues and inappropriate material being shared over phones (hence my year 6 not having a phone). Absolutely check it.

Absolutely check their phones at age 10.my 3 youngest ages 15 11 and 9 all have phones and they're all connected to my family link I quite frequently check the younger two kids phones. They have WhatsApp and use them mostly for games and the YouTube kids mode. They text their friends only. I won't allow the younger two Snapchat Facebook or any other social media either due to the possibility of random requests that can be sent

I'm sorry but a child of 10/11 doesn't need privacy in that context. You're her parent and it is absolutely your job to keep a close eye on what she's recieving/sending. The parents who are saying they don't check their kids phones at that age are the parents of kids who are sending inappropriate things and watching inappropriate content. My daughter has a friend and her mum says the same... It's a shame because I check my daughters phone as part of our agreement to her having one, this friend is one of those kids who sends messages that are bullying and intrusive, she adds people she doesn't know on social media and sends tictoks at all hours of the night. I know this because I check my daughters phone... Just like her mum would know if she checked hers....🙄 I'm really firm on this and don't care how it is received, it's lazy parenting AT BEST. you keep doing what you're doing as long as you have open communication as to why you need to do it and gently discuss what you feel is appropriate and why.

Neglectful to not do it until around age 16, IMHO. Others may disagree...

I didn't want her to have a phone but all her peer group do at school and didn't want her to feel left out.

The Christmas after my DD started year 6 everyone in her class had a phone. I told her she would get one once she started secondary school which is what we gave her one. Don’t allow your child or other parents to dictate your choices. If you don’t want to give her a phone, don’t. If you give her a phone you dictate the conditions that she can have the phone under. Stick to what you want and if she doesn’t like it the alternative is to take the phone away. You are the parent. Children need rules.

I will be checking my kids phone until they’re old enough to pay for a contract themselves…

Yes, every night she's with me! Me and her dad are seperated so I don't look at their conversations but I check everything else. Full parental controls on always on too

I checked mine until they were 16. 7pm came around and the phones would be plugged in downstairs and I would randomly check them.

They are now aged 23 and 25. At 17 and 19 they told me that they just deleted all the stuff they didn't want me to see!

My youngest still deletes everything the minute she has read them!

Checking their phones doesn't necessarily mean you see everything.

It does if you control the apps etc as pp do

Yep. 12&15 year. I regularly check both. 15 year old less so but only because they are autistic and don’t actually involve themselves in group chats. They have a couple of socials but do t really post much on them and I’m friends with them so see that side anyway. The 12 year old, on the other hand, has had many reasons for concern. Has also been having counselling for anxiety and panic attacks which only came to light after a friend reported texts they had sent to a teacher. They do tend to delete alot of things so I don’t always catch what I’m looking for but I’ve seen enough to keep checking. The concerning texts were to friends opening up their true feelings so I’m glad they have people to open up to and even more glad the friends were concerned enough to report.

At 10 I was checking and finding things like inappropriate toned messages. Nothing rude or explicit. But one friend was annoying them think and the messages my child was sending back could have been seen as aggressive. So we had a chat and I even messaged the friend’s parent incase my child had upset them. They hadn’t but the parent was glad I’d said something. 10 is still young to be learning etiquette. I did find some explicit language from some boys on a group chat - swearing - and basically told them not get involved and leave the group.

I'm agreeing with all the responsible parents on here.

My DS is 13 and I check his.

Last summer I had to ask another parent to check their son's phone as he was being bullied by kids from his class. My DS was added to the WhatsApp group and the messages the boy was sent was horrifying. My son showed me the group chat.
The boy was told to go kill himself, called a kiddie fiddler, rapist, pervert. Then the kids plotted to spread rumours around the school that he was caught giving another boy a BJ in McDonald's.
The boy has since changed school. But the messages at the time were day and night by a group of 8 kids boys and girls.
The parents admitted they never checked his phone but it was his and his messages were private. But couldn't understand why their child had gone into themselves.

We checked regularly (and monitored web traffic at home) from when they got their phone at 10 until they were ~13, then eased off and checked less and less regularly. They are now 16 and we don't check, but talk regularly about their online life.

We never found anything to really be concerned about but have had several chats about better ways to have hard conversations and on how to spot scams/bad actors.

Yes I would and I check my dcs phone til they’re 15. I also told them that other parents check their dc phones too and to never put up any message that you wouldn’t be happy for parents to see.

Way too young to have a phone.

I didn't want her to have a phone but all her peer group do at school and didn't want her to feel left out.

START SAYING NO!

Check check and check again!

I haven’t looked at my teenagers phones for m a year or two (they’re 16 and 17) but they’re under no illusion that I can and will if I need to, because technically they’re my phones under my contract that I pay for.

At 10, not only should you have their privacy settings at the absolute max, but yes of course you should be checking them regularly!!

My 10 year olds don’t have a phone but i check my eldests still!