Do you check your child's phone at 10?

[KateERxx]

As in, do you check the messages/whatsapp of your child between friends to make sure they're safe and not being bullied/or are being mean to other kids? As well as monitoring the rest of their general phone like internet usage & photos?

I do to my DD who's finishing year 6 this year. I didn't want her to have a phone but all her peer group do at school and didn't want her to feel left out. She has strict hours she's allowed to be on it though, mainly weekends only at this age.

Only reason I ask as after speaking to a few different Mum's they think this is an invasion of her privacy and my DD will start to resent me for it as she's get's older?

Yes you absolutely need to be checking. We had the absolute worst happen to my sd as a mid teen. Age 10 they should be checked daily. All messages and all apps and all internet browser as well as the router locked down

My kids were told it's a condition of having a mobile phone and I explained why

Yes and we pay for Qustodio
DD is almost 15 and I don’t want her talking to inappropriate strangers or putting herself at risk but she is vulnerable and autistic

I get an alert on my watch as do her sisters brother and father requesting permission for any social media time over her limit and one of us can approve this immediately with a click for 15 mins / an hour / indefinitely or decline
Same with any new apps or concerning internet activity etc
I don’t snoop but I need to parent and keep her safe

Yes, I recently gave DS a phone, age 11, and it on the condition that there were strict limits on time and content. I get alerts and it is available for checking as needed.

Absolutely - mine knew that I would check their phone randomly and I didn't stop until about 15.

My 10 year old has a Nokia brick and he only uses it to message me or his dad but yes I monitor it, it has a parentshield sim so all messages and phone calls are recorded even if he deleted any.

Parents who don’t check their kids phones do my head in. It’s always their kids who are then in trouble and then you’re put in the awkward position of having to clue them in.

It would be negligent not to check a ten year old's phone. They could be being groomed by a predatory sex offender FFS.

Personally I'd let the little things go, like being a bit rude to a friend, as that's something they need to learn the hard way. But checking who they are in contact with, that they're not bullying someone or being bullied etc is all entirely sensible.

Yes I did. That’s still very young.

My 11 year old doesn’t have a phone yet but when she does, I will be checking it.

You've given your daughter a device with apps known to be detrimental to her mental health. Supervising her use might go some way towards mitigating the likely harm. Might. Might not also.

I check DS14 phone, have done since he got it for Yr7. It's a non-negotiable.

Absolutely. Mine got a phone at 11, summer term of Y6. She is in Y7 now. It’s checked every day. All messages read. It’s very tightly locked down, no TikTok, no Snapchat, no social media, no gaming that involves any live player interaction or messaging. I allow group chats with friends only, none of this add everyone you know business, I delete them. For the first 6 months, no WhatsApp, text messaging and FaceTime only.

From what I’ve seen of her peers though, I think it’s unusual for parents to regularly check phones or limit what they can do, even though everyone on MN does apparently. 🙄

Of her close friends, who are generally all good kids from normal happy families, we aren’t talking the troubled kids with chaotic home lives, they all seem to have TikTok and are all on Snapchat. They get in all sorts of spats and parents have no idea until it kicks off in real life, so I would assume they are not monitoring the content of their messages.

We are by far the strictest and she doesn’t have her phone all the time, at night, she didn’t have it all weekend this past weekend, etc. But I get the sense we are very much in the minority. Not for privacy reasons. It’s just because they’re lazy, I think, and CBA with doing it.

We check but dc doesn't know that we do. Same age as yours. Dc only has 2 contacts so far will let contacts expand during last term to keep friendships rolling into secondary.

We have strict rules and if they aren't adhered to, the phone goes away for a week. So far all good.

I didn't want her to have a phone but all her peer group do at school and didn't want her to feel left out.

This part of your message is ALL that is wrong with the current parenting situation. Let them be left out, it’s utterly ridiculous that parents cannot just say no and suck it up to a child when they fundamentally don’t agree with it. You as the adult have been peer pressured into it.
I don’t mean to just get at you OP but I have had this exact sentence said to me by so many other parents over phones/game consoles etc.

its time to take back the control and stop giving into things we know are just not ok for our kids!
And yes I have an 11 yr old and no, no smartphone for them!

A thousand times this.

I can't see any need for a 10 year old to have phone.

Yes, yes, yes!!!! It’s like when you tell your child not to talk to strangers but then the stranger says they have a puppy. You thought don’t talk to strangers covered it all but they forget with the excitement of the puppy. Pedophiles find a way and it’s terrifying. If not pedaphiles, bullies or behaviour you don’t approve.

check away. With great power (the phone) comes great responsibility (allowing the checks)

And also me turning off the ability for them to change the PIN

If I was a pedophile grooming a child online I'd definitely tell that child to delete all our messages.

You lot are deluding yourselves.

Yes but they don’t always. Or you’ll see one come through. Better to check and maybe see something than not bother because you don’t think you will. Like I said, it’s not always pedofiles that get you. You’re deluded if you think you shouldn’t check.

It's a shame a 10 year old having a smartphone is normalized. Putting aside all the dangers of unsupervised internet they are simply one of the most addictive inventions ever & just eat a child's time and attention.

Definitely do this. As they go to secondary they will meet new people & be added to group chats etc. I had to advise/instruct DC to leave some of them due to inappropriate content. Just as important as looking at what they are looking at is talking to them about safety. I always warned DC that if they wrote something in a message it could be shown to school staff.

Neither my 10 or 12 year olds have a phone yet. I checked the 19 year olds phone regularly until he was 15 or 16.

My son is 14 and I still check his phone and I’ll continue to do so. I really don’t care if someone who can’t be arsed to do so thinks it’s an invasion of privacy.

We do have boundaries though. I don’t make comment about any conversation, I don’t chastise swearing within messages and providing there are no safeguarding concerns I will never mention them to him or to anyone else. He understands this and is happy with it.