Do you check your child's phone at 10?

[KateERxx]

As in, do you check the messages/whatsapp of your child between friends to make sure they're safe and not being bullied/or are being mean to other kids? As well as monitoring the rest of their general phone like internet usage & photos?

I do to my DD who's finishing year 6 this year. I didn't want her to have a phone but all her peer group do at school and didn't want her to feel left out. She has strict hours she's allowed to be on it though, mainly weekends only at this age.

Only reason I ask as after speaking to a few different Mum's they think this is an invasion of her privacy and my DD will start to resent me for it as she's get's older?

Any parent who doesn’t check their child’s phone until mid to late teens is neglecting their child’s safety imho.

My dc didn’t have a smart phone at that age but if they did I would definitely be checking it.

Putting aside the fact it’s terrible that you’ve been effectively peer pressured into getting your ten year old a phone because all the other ten year olds have one - not a dig genuinely such a hard position. No you are not unreasonable at all, they are neglectful. When I was teaching I saw things in year seven group chats that I was disturbed by (extreme porn/extreme violence/ horrendous bullying) children shouldn’t have privacy in certain scenarios and this is one of them. You are being a good parent

I check my 13 yrs old's phone! That was the agreement of her getting one.

DS didn't have a smart phone until 13. I checked it until he was 15.
He only lost all the parental controls at 17 and a half when he got a new phone.

Ignore those other mums. The invasion of your child’ s privacy is from the smart phone itself and all that comes with it,
not you.

Have you looked up the movement, “Smartphone Free Childhood”? Lots of parents have signed up and there may be more than you know at your child’s school.
https://smartphonefreechildhood.co.uk/

From the magazine The Critic.

Tellingly, the senior leadership teams from Meta, Google, Apple and Microsoft send their children to schools such as the Waldorf School of the Peninsula, which bans all technology. For Haidt, smartphones are disastrous for the adolescent brain.
thecritic.co.uk/issues/may-2024/why-tech-execs-dont-give-their-kids-phones/

They know more than the other mums, OP

This

I absolutely made checking phones a condition of them getting one and me paying the contract!

Also their PIN number to access the phone. I also clearly told them I would be randomly checking it.

As a PP has suggested I think it is quite negligent of a parent not to check their youngsters phones.

Would you allow your 10 year old unsupervised into a room with unknown adults for hours on end?

That's the internet.

Still check my 13 year olds phone and will be doing so for a while yet.

I haven’t done it for a while but I sporadically check my 15 year old’s. I‘m paying for it so I reserve the right to check it, which she knows. Plus I’m the adult, the parent and she isn’t.

Only idiot parents who abdicate parenting to their children don’t check phones. I wouldn’t pay them any heed.

They didn't have a smart phone begore secondary school travel.

But we did supervise Ipads at 10.

Yes I still check my 14 year old's phone, that was a condition of him getting it. He knows that, we discuss the things on there - more often than not have a laugh about some stupid meme his friends have sent him.

Of course you should check at 10.

Yes, nearly 13 and phone is checked. Not religiously, but frequently. Also have restrictions on screen time and which apps can be downloaded, all devices are to be left downstairs at night and we don’t allow Snapchat, TikTok or other social media platforms.

I did through to c13. It was positioned as 'this is essentially my phone. You don't own it. You get to use it and I will probably check on it occasionally'
I never made a big show on checking

If you aren't checking a phone age 10 and that phone isn't massively locked down then you are negligent imo.

I absolutely did. I stopped probably around the end of first year at high school, but the rule still stands. She’s just turned 16 so I wouldn’t do it unless I was aware there was a problem. It was our red-line in her having a phone, she was aware we’d have access to it.

Yes, it's not an invasion of privacy. They're 10. It's technically your phone anyway. You'd be stupid not to!

Even if they only communicate with their mates I've seen stuff where I've had to intervene. Plus they're very clever and know ways round parental controls etc. always best to check what they're doing.

We also didn’t give a phone for a birthday or Xmas gift. That way it was never “theirs”, just an old phone of ours passed down. It was given mid way through Y6 to start gettting ready for secondary school (getting bus alone, using phone app etc).

We check phones at 12 here and will be for a while

I do. It irritates me the parents who don’t as guaranteed they will be the ones being inappropriate.

Given that 10 is the absolute minimum age anyone should have a phone, yes they should absolutely be checked at that age. And if your kid does have a phone at that age, you should present it as your phone that they’re allowed to use, and you can check it at any point as it’s your property.

You can invade their privacy till they’re an adult if it keeps them safe.

Yes, you absolutely should be checking her phone. The parents who say it’s an invasion of privacy are lazy and negligent, and are trying to be friends with their child rather than parent them. No wonder bullying via social media, the accessing of porn and other inappropriate material, grooming, and general anti-social behaviours are so rife on the internet when you have idiots like those parents turning a blind eye to their child’s phone usage because of “privacy”.