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Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
BoIIocks · 09/05/2025 10:17

Look at your children and ask yourself

“In 40 years’ time, if I needed them, would they come?”

You’re being unreasonable and very unfair to your husband.

doubleactionlibertycollective · 09/05/2025 10:17

Sorry, I think in this case he should go. It might be a hard 24 hours but you'll cope.

indianques · 09/05/2025 10:18

24 hours? Sheesh! YUBVVU

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TonTonMacoute · 09/05/2025 10:18

Well, you could be left in that situation for a much worse and more permanent reason than that! You need to be able to cope. Why can't your mum help, would she not want you to visit her if she had hurt herself?

One day you might be the mum who has fallen and is injured in hospital and whose son cannot come and see her.

TinyGingerCat · 09/05/2025 10:18

I'm staggered that you would object to this OP - look at your babies and imagine that based on your attitude one day they might treat you like you expect your DH to treat his mum.

doubleactionlibertycollective · 09/05/2025 10:18

BoIIocks · 09/05/2025 10:17

Look at your children and ask yourself

“In 40 years’ time, if I needed them, would they come?”

You’re being unreasonable and very unfair to your husband.

100% this.

BotDranning · 09/05/2025 10:18

Wow very needy. You are being selfish. Roll forward 30 years. If you had an accident wouldn't you just be delighted to see your child? It's a lovely gesture- why don't you go with him and treat it as a mini break?

groovylady · 09/05/2025 10:19

It's 24 hours....

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 09/05/2025 10:19

Tell him to stay an extra night. You’re a mum now you should understand

Justmovehousethen · 09/05/2025 10:20

IDontDrinkTea · 09/05/2025 10:14

YABU - I’d be insisting he spent more than 24 hours personally

Same.

I genuinely fail to understand the angst.

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 09/05/2025 10:20

I think your husband sounds great to be wanting to do this, regardless of other support his mum has there. The fact that he is considering 24 hours only, suggests to me that he is mindful of getting back to you.

I’m with others on this thread, it seems very straightforward, of course he should go, and of course you will be absolutely fine.

ThisOpenMauveLurker · 09/05/2025 10:20

yabvu. He’s being a very kind and responsible son and I’d value and support that in my husband.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 09/05/2025 10:21

YABU

Single parents exist. They do this every day. Yes even with a six week old babies.

Your DM is not helping the situation with her awful comments.

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 09/05/2025 10:21

YABVU. It is one day.

CantStopMoving · 09/05/2025 10:22

Of course he should go. Why can’t new mums nowadays not manage for a little bit on their own? My husband worked long hours when my kids were small and travelled a lot. I was left with small children for 1-2 weeks at a time. And they were difficult babies - didn’t sleep at all but somehow we all survived.

OP how would you feel if your child wouldn’t come out and see you? It is 24 hours- you will manage. Sounds like your husband is a great son. I think it is lovely he is willing to rush there and back just to check she’s ok. It’s his mum.

ThePoshUns · 09/05/2025 10:22

As others have said, it’s his mum, she’s had a frightening accident and he’s going for a mere 24hrs, you can cope.

Outofthepan · 09/05/2025 10:22

I have noticed a new vibe here, where being “left alone with the DC” for any length of time is somehow seen as a burden and a bad thing.

It’s odd. I know it’s tiring, but that’s life

cherrycherrypickin · 09/05/2025 10:22

YABVU

mondaytosunday · 09/05/2025 10:22

I don’t see the point of him only going for 24 hours. I’d tell him to go for three days.
And I may not have had my kids recently @OhHellolittleonebut I don’t think babies and toddlers have changed much since I did. My DH was hospitalised for two weeks when my baby was six weeks old and I had a 20 month old too. No help (my parents lived abroad, but I didn’t need any help anyway). It wasn’t easy but I was fine - I certainly did more than just ‘survive’!

PrincessofWells · 09/05/2025 10:22

Your mother in law has a daughter in law problem . . .

C152 · 09/05/2025 10:23

You are no doubt exhausted, OP, but in this instance, I do think YABU. He's asking you to care for your 2 children, with the support of your parents, for 24hrs. It's not a huge ask. How would you feel if one of your parents was injured, couldn't walk and he said he couldn't possibly cope alone and you therefore shouldn't go to see your parent? Your mum is also stirring the pot, which is unhelpful.

FaceOrf · 09/05/2025 10:23

It all sounds a bit dramatic flying to another country for 24 hours for an injury! It would be different if she didn’t live with her husband and (presumably adult?) daughter, and she has someone else going to her. Does she really need her son leaving his wife, newborn and toddler to visit as well? I think it’s crazy personally.

MerlinsBeard1 · 09/05/2025 10:24

I'd be seeing my mum hell or high water if she had an accident and if my DH so much as mentioned I shouldn't it would be divorce territory. No joke.

I can't believe how many selfish people use this site. I can see why there are so many threads about having no friends IRL.

boatface25 · 09/05/2025 10:25

I'd encourage my DH to go in these circumstances. You'll be fine, it really isn't that hard. I had 2 under two and a DH who worked away 6 days a week. You'll cope. It isn't about his mum actually needing his help it's about him wanting to be there for her. I am sure you'd feel the same way if it was your mum. Those family bonds are important. Please be kind to him he is probably very worried.

MerlinsBeard1 · 09/05/2025 10:25

mondaytosunday · 09/05/2025 10:22

I don’t see the point of him only going for 24 hours. I’d tell him to go for three days.
And I may not have had my kids recently @OhHellolittleonebut I don’t think babies and toddlers have changed much since I did. My DH was hospitalised for two weeks when my baby was six weeks old and I had a 20 month old too. No help (my parents lived abroad, but I didn’t need any help anyway). It wasn’t easy but I was fine - I certainly did more than just ‘survive’!

I imagine he'd like to stay longer but dare not ask....