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Parenting

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Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
winterwarmer8274 · 09/05/2025 10:08

lol the ‘extra pressure it puts on your parents’

what pressure?

he’s leaving for 24 hours - presumably 8/9 of those he would be out at work anyway, another 7/8 he would be sleeping

so it’s really only another 8 hours of time you will be alone with your children. you can’t cope with that?

I feel sorry for him 😅

ArminTamzerian · 09/05/2025 10:09

MogsKittens · 09/05/2025 09:44

I also cannot understand all of these comments. It’s fucking difficult looking after a newborn and a toddler. The newborn is six weeks old and the family has likely not got into a new routine yet. If the husband’s employer has decent family leave policies (as mine has) he may still be on paternity leave and OP may never have had the children on her own before. The husband is not an only child, his mum has plenty of support from other adults in the family and as others have said, he can FaceTime to check on her. Perhaps he could go and visit later in her recovery when his baby is a little older and OP has got more used to having two children.

I honestly think some PPs have completely forgotten when it’s like when you have a new baby, especially when you already have other children. Someone above said OP is an experienced parent - perhaps, but not of two!

I’m sure you will cope if you have to, but it’s not ideal and not necessary, at least not immediately.

It's not that difficult, not for 24 hours. It's one tiny baby that's still in the sleeps all day period, and one toddler. For a day!!

lunar1 · 09/05/2025 10:10

How utterly selfish, give him your blessing and tell him to take a few days, she’s his mum for fucks sake.

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Whatwouldnanado · 09/05/2025 10:10

One day, that’s all. Don’t doubt yourself. Keep your folks out of it too and don’t show them you’re upset because they’ll worry why you think you can’t cope. Same age gap between mine and i remember being daunted when Dh had to go away for a work course but we were great! Just plan ahead, no expectations and go with it.
While the kids are napping spend a little time planning an away day for yourself when he gets home!

PurpleThistle7 · 09/05/2025 10:10

Would you want your kids to come see you if this happens to you in 30 years? I would tell my husband to go for longer personally so that he can help his mum.

my husband worked away regularly and continues to do so. Left many times when the kids were wee and we are immigrants so there were no other options but for me to carry on with it. Can’t say I was always delighted but of course we were always fine.

MerlinsBeard1 · 09/05/2025 10:11

Not only are you being unreasonable, you are being controlling and selfish. What a revolting post!

Whispee · 09/05/2025 10:11

He lives abroad from his family, 24 hours to see his mum who was in an accident is more than fair ffs. Ask your parents for help if you need it.

Tiswa · 09/05/2025 10:11

But it is a pointless 24 hours guided by shock rather than logic.
we aren’t in a US tv show multiple family members hanging around the hospital and the patient isn’t helpful or necessary.

There is nothing in the OP to say it is a serious life threatening injury just a nasty one. Leaving it a beat working out how best to go over and see her is the right solution

DonkeyDumpling · 09/05/2025 10:11

MummyJ36 · 09/05/2025 10:01

I going to go with him being selfish. His mum has plenty of support and is hardly dying!!

Come on now, you may not agree with him going but in no way can you call him selfish.

winterwarmer8274 · 09/05/2025 10:12

Palmaisthisway · 09/05/2025 10:08

Off topic but why are people saying YABU on a parenting topic?

Anyways, I agree you should be able to cope for 24hours.

The OP asked in her post if she was being unreasonable or not

Marmalade71 · 09/05/2025 10:12

Wow can you really be this one-eyed and selfish? This isn't a reverse?

Buddhalover · 09/05/2025 10:12

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

Absolutely should go imo. 24 hrs is very little time in the wider scheme of things. It would mean a lot to his Mom and he obviously feels the need to go. Maybe put the boot on the other foot! How would you feel in the same circumstances?

jerkchicken · 09/05/2025 10:13

How would you feel if this happened to your mum and your husband didn’t want you to go and see her? You’re being really unreasonable, especially as it’s only 24 hours - presumably your husband works and isn’t normally around all day anyway!

rubyslippers · 09/05/2025 10:13

I am a bit 😳 at the messages
the DH wanting to see his mum after a serious accident is the right thing to do
it’s a day
Looking after a baby and toddler can be difficult but not impossible
teams calls, go in a few weeks - ridiculous! This is a caring son who wants to see his mum right now
the OP sounds rightly nervy but she will manage
it’s important to have resilience - it’s good for the whole family

Ellaelle · 09/05/2025 10:13

I had to re-read i mistook hours for days i thought he was flying out for 24 days. Im sure you'll be fine. I wish his poor mum a very speedy recovery bless her heart

1SillySossij · 09/05/2025 10:13

You surely are capable of looking after your own children for a day!Of course he should go, and you need to stand down your poor mum and dad.

Palmaisthisway · 09/05/2025 10:14

winterwarmer8274 · 09/05/2025 10:12

The OP asked in her post if she was being unreasonable or not

Oh makes sense. I was wondering what the MN vipers were doing here 😂

IDontDrinkTea · 09/05/2025 10:14

YABU - I’d be insisting he spent more than 24 hours personally

Outofthepan · 09/05/2025 10:14

Honestly. I despair. YABVU.

It’s a lovely thing that he wants to see his mum. And it’s literally a flying visit.

Surely you don’t need your parents to cancel their plans for such a short time?

glittereyelash · 09/05/2025 10:15

Youre being ridiculous. It's one day. Sorry but plenty of people cope with far more than this.

Azureshores · 09/05/2025 10:16

This can't be real? If it is, give your head a wobble.

vegantart · 09/05/2025 10:16

You will be fine. He’s only going for 24 hours.

Tigergirl80 · 09/05/2025 10:16

Oh poor you he wants to go and see his mum. Wouldn’t you want to see your mum in this situation?

DogPawsMud · 09/05/2025 10:17

You’re a mum yourself. Imagine if your own kids didn’t visit you when you’re older in similar circumstances.

Zen8 · 09/05/2025 10:17

Yanbu. I would say my parents can't do it and you need him here.

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