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Husband mum broke her wrist and pubic bone and he wants to fly to Spain for 24 hours, leaving me, our 6 week old and our toddler behind

759 replies

DreamWaves · 09/05/2025 09:17

My husband’s mum had a bike accident and broke her wrist and pubic bone and can’t currently walk. She lives in Spain with her husband and daughter (we live in London). My brother in law is flying out to help. My husband also wants to fly out for 24 hours, more for ‘emotional support’ than anything and to ‘rally round’ their mum as a family. He wants to go as much for himself as for her.

However he’ll be leaving me alone with our 6 week old baby and toddler who arguably need him more, as there is plenty of support for his mum in Spain. He’s asked if my parents can come over and help, which is an inconvenience to them as they’ll have to spend the night and potentially cancel plans (and they’re both in their late 70s). My mum thinks my husband is being selfish as his priority should be us - he doesn’t seem to realise the knock on effect leaving me with two young kids would have and the extra work it creates for me, and extra pressure it puts on my parents. He said he’d stay if I ask him to but I know he’d think I was being insensitive to his mum’s plight. Is he being selfish or I am being unreasonable? Not sure how to play this one.

OP posts:
ladeedarrrry · 09/05/2025 09:59

Teenybub · 09/05/2025 09:56

Suggest 48 hours and him take the toddler. Might cheer his mum up, less for you to manage at home.

This is a genius idea.

Mrscharlieeeee · 09/05/2025 09:59

My DH went to a wedding in Spain for 3 nights when I was in mat leave. At the time I had a 3 year old and 8 month old who had been very poorly since birth and in and out of hospital. I was happy for him to go as it was his best friends wedding and we couldn’t afford at the time for us all to go. I think his reasons are perfectly reasonable. Is there a back story as to why you think you won’t cope? PND or birth complications?

Vivienne1000 · 09/05/2025 09:59

My husband was away a lot of the time when my children were very young, he worked on the rigs. There was no paternity leave. 24 hours is nothing.

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Throwmoneyatit · 09/05/2025 09:59

24 hours? Not 24 days? Is this a mistake?

If you're getting worried and panicked about 24 days, then I agree with you wholeheartedly. He should cut his trip down to 2-3 days. I'd definitely want to see my mum after an accident, but just over 3 weeks is too long.

But if you do genuinely mean 24 hours... come on, op. It's a few hours. Surely you can cope with your own children for a few hours? You can.

nightmarepickle2025 · 09/05/2025 10:00

So your parents can’t be inconvenienced but his Mum should just soldier on with broken bones?

Noshadelamp · 09/05/2025 10:01

I feel sorry for you op. It's a famous mn pile on.

Yes of course you will cope but should you have to?

His mum is fine, she has other family there.

They chose to live in another country and with this comes the knowledge that in an emergency your family might not be able to join younat the drop of a hat.

He might be better going to visit in another month or so when the baby is a bit older, and his mother night appreciate it more when the fuss has died down.

MummyJ36 · 09/05/2025 10:01

I going to go with him being selfish. His mum has plenty of support and is hardly dying!!

MalcolmMoo · 09/05/2025 10:02

Ffs it’s one day! You’ll be fine. His mum has had an accident!!!

Vaxtable · 09/05/2025 10:02

Wow your poor husband, his mums had a nasty accident and your mother is telling you he is selfish!

Ask your mother how she would feel if she had the same accident and you didn’t rock up to see how she was!

its 24 hours, let him go and stop being unreasonable

Noshadelamp · 09/05/2025 10:03

Also is it really going to be 24 hours?
Is it really worth it?

Realistically he's only going to be spending a few hours with his mum.

Travel to the airport 2 hours minimum before the flight, the flight, travel to their location, sleeping and then returning home.

I can see the temptation to stay an extra night to make it worthwhile.

greeeeen9 · 09/05/2025 10:03

It’s only a day. Your parents sound a bit huffy and mean if they can’t come and cancel plans for one day to help you out so your husband can support his mum, who has been through a horrible time.

Zezet · 09/05/2025 10:03

Yes, you are selfish. Obviously let him go.

JollyHostess101 · 09/05/2025 10:04

You’ll be fine i had to take a 6 week old down to my Dads when he was waiting to go into hospice care in was bricking it being on my own with a baby but soon got to grips with it! If he’s only going for 24hrs he’ll be back before you know it!!

SouthLondonMum22 · 09/05/2025 10:04

1 week would be unreasonable but 24 hours? Absolutely fine. I can understand him wanting to see his mum after a nasty accident.

MrsSkylerWhite · 09/05/2025 10:04

It’s 24 hours.

His mums injuries sound really painful.

sunshineandshowers40 · 09/05/2025 10:05

He wants to go visit his mum who has had an accident for 24 hours. Not sure what your issue is, so yes YABVU

Noshadelamp · 09/05/2025 10:05

nightmarepickle2025 · 09/05/2025 10:00

So your parents can’t be inconvenienced but his Mum should just soldier on with broken bones?

But the DH isn't really going to be much help is he, there for literally a couple of hours by the time you factor in the travel and sleeping, and there's already a daughter and husband with her.

It's not a matter of leaving the mother alone to get on with it.

lazyarse123 · 09/05/2025 10:05

You're being selfish. Poor bloke wants to see his mum as would I and i'd want to go for more than a day no matter how much other support she had.
As others have said looking after 2 kids for one day is not difficult god I had 3 under 3 and my dh worked away quite a bit even when they were newborns.

icelollycraving · 09/05/2025 10:05

Unless you are reliant due to disabilities then you can surely cope with your own children for a day or two? Your parents don’t need to help.

beAsensible1 · 09/05/2025 10:06

It’s 24 hours?

Not sure how it’s more unreasonable for you parents to give a hand for the day if you’re desperate. Do you have any friends close by who you can ask to give a hand take toddler to the park for a couple of hours or out for the day?

shes Broken 2 bones. Of course he should go for his own peace of mind. Doesn’t matter how many people are around. He will want to set eyes on her himself.

ThejoyofNC · 09/05/2025 10:07

God, how selfish.

Mindyourfunkybusiness · 09/05/2025 10:08

JustAnInchident · 09/05/2025 09:50

To add to this, as I’ve seen the classic ‘I think some posters have forgotten what it’s like to…’ line, I’ve currently got a 3.5 year old and a 8 week old baby, born by C-section, and my husband is currently working 7 days a week, 7am-11pm+ (yay for agriculture!) so I promise, I do understand!
Another pp has asked if there’s more to this op, I suspect there might be. Perhaps that may help people understand your stance but without context, I do still feel you’ll be absolutely fine, and it’ll mean a lot to both your husband and his mother to see each other.

Ahh your dh must work so hard but you do too by doing your bit with the kids! It's def team effort I really respect that!

I had newborn and almost 2yo many years back, my partner passed away when I was pregnant so I do recall a lot of stress but I had two kids to be strong for and you get on. I'm built tough from a line of tough women though 😅Plus age brings experience.

Still a strong believer in family first and I definitely spoil my elders and if someone's had an accident etc we all gather and support (longer than 24h though!) And whoever needs to stays at home. Handling the home life is also a form of support and love to that person who needs help by releasing the other person to help and be there stress free and focus on the person who needs help. It all takes experience imo or it to have been the norm in your family.

Brefugee · 09/05/2025 10:08

let's hope OPs children are as lovely to her when she is old and no longer useful, eh?

Palmaisthisway · 09/05/2025 10:08

Off topic but why are people saying YABU on a parenting topic?

Anyways, I agree you should be able to cope for 24hours.

MrsKeats · 09/05/2025 10:08

Yabu. And why are you telling your parents? Don’t be so selfish.

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